To whoever broke into my car last night: Joke’s on you, jerk! All that’s in there is a bunch of fake birds and a literal pile of dirt. I hope you enjoyed my collection of fast food wrappers and empty cookie bags before you got freaked out and ran off. You could have at least closed the dash. But hey, I should thank you. I won’t forget to lock the doors again. —Thanks For Not Taking My Dirt
This article appears in Jan 11-17, 2018.