I am a 20’s self made type female, who had recently started seeing someone in a different field of work but with about the same career prospects. We are both goal-oriented and accomplished in our own way. Here’s the thing. He has something going on in his life right now that’s making him temporarily very broke. So I opened up a bit more than I usually would, so early on anyway, about my past/ life growing up (picture the kid that had 3 shirts for the school year and was about 30 pounds underweight). I was sort of saying a, do what you have to… you can live off 35 bucks a week (after bills) no problem…it’s not so bad kind of thing. I don’t know.
But apparently, this is huuuuge a turn off. Like it’s okay for him to be broke, but its not very feminine? Not good enough somehow? Makes me an outsider in whatever club you are in? So it’s not enough that my class background has to be very carefully treated so as not to be a professional disadvantage, now its a dating thing too. FUCKING GREAT. The saddest part is he is one of the least pretentious people with parallel prospects that I have met in a long, long time.
Guess I should meet my guys on a bus that stops by a warehouse. Like I used to 😛
—thissucks
This article appears in Jul 23-29, 2009.
To me, people who can take themselves from 3 shirts to a successful career are MORE attractive. Also, people who are willing to open up and discuss that with me also score points, even early in a relationship. I think your guy is a dud and not the “least pretentious” dude you though he was.
Savage Love? You’re just full of advice!
Emphatically agree with Miles on this. If you have to pretend to be someone other than you are and rewrite your history for this dude, it’s totally not worth it. You’re an accomplished young woman who possessed the strength to overcome the disadvantages of your past. Use that inner fortitude of yours to believe that you deserve better than some schmuck who’ll look down on you because you’re not a privileged and judgemental jerk like he is.
Yah.
hear hear me0w and Miles!!
DTMFA.
Whoa—he thinks your class background is “not good enough” for a fine gentleman as himself?
Get him out of your life right now. Find a real friend and partner.
We all come up from somewhere—and if you’ve made a good life for yourself in spite of (or especially in spite of) some early struggles, you have a lot to be proud of.
I have a feeling you have real perspective about what really matters in this world. Sounds like you are the one with “class” while Mr Princess seems unable to comprehend the meaning of that word.
You’re too good for him anyway.
OP I’m single and still in my 20s. Wanna go get a Bud Light Lime and smoke a joint while we’re temporariliy poor together?
Fizz you can come too.
“The saddest part is he is one of the least pretentious people with parallel prospects that I have met in a long, long time. “
That part made me laugh.
Being poor ain’t so bad
Everyone’s poor in university….shit.
Between liquor and books, I think the average sum of $$$ in any university student’s bank account at any point in time is ~$5.
My point? Unless you come from wealth, mostly everyone goes through hard times at one point or another. Hey, I’ve got $15 bucks in the bank at the moment!
Tell Mr. PRincess (lol, RubyJane) to suck it.
The phrase: “Money can’t buy happiness.” ………..is often cited and heads will nod, almost always, in agreement…………….but my friends…………that is pure bullshit! Money does buy (create) happiness.
There is a direct relationship between the level of one’s bank account and the level of one’s sense of happiness. I’m sure you’ve all noticed that personally.
Unfortunately though, the happiness is not lasting……………..it fades, even though the account balance stays firm. This situation is like that of abusing a drug, you get ‘high’ with a certain amount, but it fades, then you need more to reach that same high,……….chasing the dragon ensues.
This phenomenon can be insidious if your not careful, but can be avoided if you appreciate, reflect on, and count your blessings.
As Smee sees it.
Sounds like a plan, NGF. 😉
By the way, you are on my “HOT” list.
Yes, there actually is a list.
Interesting view Smee and you may be right. I’d like to add people who were raised in an affluent environment tend to strive to create that same environment as adults keeping the “bar” way up there. It’s not necessarily a fault unless of course it interferes with a reality like unselfish love.
You say “apparently” he was turned off so you may be over-sensitive in this area. However, you deserve someone who is positive about your story, because if he finds fault now it only gets worse later.
You’ve narrowed your field to “parallel prospects”, thus you are setting yourself up for disappointment. DTMFA, find your next man based on what you like, not on his status on the ladder.
Fizz I’d like to curl up next to you with a bottle of bubbly and bucket of chicken, sweet thang!
Welcome to Halifax OP, it’s full of them!
That is disgusting if that is the type of thing he judges you on. That is absolutely wrong, when it comes to the type of values I believe matter. Think about yourself, think about who you are. Do you feel that that part of your life has been something now that should now cause people to look down on you for? Do you think that someone should think less of you in some way for that? If you have even a shred of self-love inside of you, then probably not. You will most likely know what you have overcome and achieved etc. etc. If there is any part of that story that makes him uncomfortable, then he is a fuckin prik. He is a self-hating prik, and therefore the thing that he fears in himself, he finds it upsets him in you. If that’s his problem, then hes seen the truth about you, and who you are is good. If he doesnt like it, then find satisfaction in finding out the truth, and being able to find the right partner for you.