1: Learn how to tamp the fucking bean right to create a proper espresso. Stop serving me this watery shit with a cum stain floating on top.
2: When someone orders a short Americano, DON’T TRY TO EDUCATE US ON HOW TO MAKE A PROPER AMERICANO, JUST PUT HALF THE FUCKING WATER IN THE CUP. JESUS FUCK. WHEN I ASK FOR A SHORT AMERICANO IT MEANS I WANT HALF THE FUCKING WATER YOU USUALLY PUT IT.
Thanks. -A guy who wants to get what he pays for instead of your bullshit
This article appears in Jun 19-25, 2014.
Go order a coffee instead, if it’s any place besides timmies or robins you can put your own cum stained bullshit in it!!
What’s worse than a snobby coffee pourer (I refuse to call them by that snotty title)? A snob who orders something and thinks it is coffee. The only thing to put in a coffee (if you don’t like it black is cream or milk, and/or sugar or sweetener. Anything else is trying to be pretentious.
the next grad class from NSCAD will soon be attending barista school shortly, be patient
You should try a Kuerig then.
Bro Tim- I guess you havn’t tried International Delight Southern Butter Pecan cream? Its delicious!
methinks OB should apply for the next Starshmucks vacancy. Great benefits, I hear.
First World Problems or what…..wow.
I would certainly hope somone that resides in Canada has first world problems.
Solution: make your own damn coffee, dumb shit.
OB, you should stop drinking cum stains.
Pretentious coffee twat – fucking baristas don’t get paid nearly enough to deal with the likes of you and your ilk.
‘Tamp the fucking bean…’ – pretentious coffee twat lingo sneered by people who think they are more important than they actually are.
we all want to get what we pay for, nothing pretentious about that.
When you go to Timmies and order…..you get exactly just that….COFFEE.
I flippin’ LOVE my baristas. Seriously, I must live across the street from the Vogue Starbucks – they could all be professional models.
http://i.imgur.com/gpc8qt8.png
I worked as a Barista in a bookstore when I was 19 – it’s a lot harder than you think it is. 98% of the drinks have at least 4 steps to making them properly that have to be done in a certain order and in a certain way or the drink won’t turn out right and you’ll have dickheads like OB sneering at you the whole time. Couple that with a rush of say 40-50 customers per hour for a few hours and you are ready for a beer. Would never do it again.
Well. Aren’t we just a pretentious little twat, OB.
Do the world a favour and bend over and shove your head up your arse. Oh wait: it’s already there.
Nuthin’ worse than weak coffee… dats called witches’ piss. Tell ’em to make you something strong enough to take da paint off da walls.
I’m so sick of people complaining about certain coffees at certain places. Yes, we have terrible coffee places and great coffee places. Choose wisely!
If you’re going to be that fucking fussy about your java, make it at home and bitch at yourself for not ‘tapping the bean’.
A PROBLEM IN DENOTATION: WHAT CONSTITUTES A PROPER SHORT AMERICANO?
“Don’t try to educate me on how to make a proper Americano. Just put half the water in the cup… When I ask for a short Americano it means half the fucking water you usually put (sic) it.” A guy etc.etc.
When is a proper short Americano correctly called a “proper short Americano?” This, of course, is what is called the problem of naming or, in more elevated philosophical terms, the “problem of denotation.” It can become quite complex.
Normally, a table can be called a “table” if it satisfies the criteria of form and function.While there may be marginal cases, a table can usually be called a table without too much existential angst. But is it the same with the proper short Americano? I would argue not.
The difficulty, of course, relates to the qualifiers “proper” and “short” which are open to varying interpretations. The poster claims that the barista puts twice the water that a proper short Americano requires but, one assumes, that the barista feels differently, that he puts what he believes to be the proper amount of water in the proper short Americano. Is there any way to resolve the dispute?
One would think that expertise would play a part, that the opinion of the barista, possessing greater experience in these matters, would prevail but this not need be the case. It is conceivable that he misconceived, “ab initio” (that’s Latin for”from the outset”) of just what a proper short Americano consists. On the other hand, the poster’s comment indicates that he has some background in these matters as well, so the issue then becomes bumped up from one of simple denotation to one of skill or background knowledge. So how is the issue to be resolved at this level?
Adjudication might be sought at a still yet higher level of expertise and background knowledge but even here the issue might remain open, possibly from those, also possessing comparable expertise and background knowledge, who dispute the original adjudicator’s judgement. So where do we go from here?
Two possibilities arise. There does seem to be, at some point, where a proper short Americano ceases to be such. It might be in those cases where it has become diluted to such a degree that a consensus would form in respect to whether or not it could continue to be called a “proper short Americano.” This, however, would require such a broad agreement the limits of which could only be faintly discerned.
There is the second avenue which posits that both the barista and the poster were both correct, for them, in their views of what constitutes a proper short Americano. While this has the advantage of defusing acrimony over the dispute, it does raise the troubling philosophical problem relating to relativism. If, in other words, there is no definitive answer as to what constitutes the proper short Americano, what hope is there for disputes over the nature of truth, justice and beauty? Are they simply chimeras, illusions, or is there some substantive content to the concepts? But, of course, this is to engage in full-blown philosophy which, as the usual excuse goes, space does not permit.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Tim Horton’s is not real coffee, as real coffee does not taste like an ash tray when not infused with sugar and/or cream.
I agree SirM…
Why are we calling them “baristas”? Has everyone caught Starbuckitis? Are the girls at Timmies baristas too?
Coffee slingers!
Tim Hortons holds 62% of the Canadian coffee market. They have 3,588 locations in Canada as of the end of 2013. They also account for over 22% of the Canadian fast food market.
I’d say they’re doing good at not serving real coffee, lol.
Well, I can’t say why the term Barista is used or where it comes from, aside from that it’s Italian. The difference between someone who works at Tim Hortons and someone who works in a place where they would be called a ‘barista’ is the level of skill required to make the drinks. “Barista” means Bar Man. So if you think of coffee places as bars – Tim Hortons would be a bar where you could only order beer and shots and ‘Barista’ places would serve beer, shots, cocktails, expensive wine, daquari’s etc. I ended up in the job because they were the first people to call me back after I handed out resume’s but you can actually make good money in this trade if you are really good at it. I don’t see why it’s pretentious. Maybe the guy with the stretched earings and the neck-tattoos who is only doing the job to pay for his poetry career is pretentious but the job itself isn’t any more pretentious than working in a bar or a 3-5 star kitchen.
I love timmies coffee. I love murchies special blend. I love kona. I love muleskinner from Molokai. I love yemen coffee. I love the coffee they prepared at Calabria on commercial. I even like tasters choice INSTANT, they all have their unique taste and attributes. why would you want the same ‘kind’ of coffee all the time. my morning want is completely different from my late afternoon or after dinner coffee.
but I loathe starsucks. it’s just burnt. not rich, not strong, just burnt. blech.
The only thing that deters me from starbucks is the price of a regular coffee, that shit adds up quick but the smoothies are pretty good there. My favorite coffee actually comes from McDonalds. I’m unsure if we are still on the “Barista = pretentious snob” convo or not but in case we are I just want to point out that Starbucks isn’t the only place to use the term. The place I worked at was called “Prairie Ink” and it was inside a Rand McNally (I think) book store. Similar to chapters.
I’ve never actually tried Barstucks coffee, but ooooh them milkshakes! Hard on the pocketbook and the pancreas but so good on a Sunday morning.
Staryucks has got to have the worst coffee I have ever tasted. The best coffee was the coffee I got in Cuba, which I believe came from Jamaica. Smooth and delicious. Even better when they put a little alcohol in it. Okay, I was wrong earlier when I said the only things one should put into coffee is cream, milk, sugar, and/or sweetener. Alcohol is always welcome.
Anyone want to tap a bean tonight? Maybe two if time allows?
I think it’s been too long since OB got his bean tamped if you know what I’m saying
You’ve never been in Cuba, Bro Tim, unless it was some secret ops covert mission. Shit, I remember the time I tried to offer a couple of Cuban cigars to you and Ivan and y’all pulled a Hank Hill on me and broke them in half.
Now you’ve done it Big. Juan and I told you what would happen if you opened your mouth. Beware of black SUVs.
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Bro Tim- Thats Blue Mountain coffee, and I agree. I’ve been to Jamaica twice and brought back several pounds each time.