If you’re looking to be our roommate, you’ll inevitably be one of two types of people:
1. Someone who says they are clean and IS clean.
2. Someone who says they are clean and ISN’T clean.
If it was a pie chart, the first group would be a tiny sliver.
For them, congratulations. You win at life.
For the second group of people, I hope that one day you are walking down the sidewalk and a plow comes by and plows you into the snowbank. Or a giant icicle falls off a roof and impales you through the top of your skull. Or a bus shelter spontaneously implodes with you in it, causing many tiny shards of glass to impale you. If bus shelters were made of REAL glass.
Ok, not really. But you people are FUCKING ANNOYING BABIES who need to go home and live with YOUR MOMMY. Especially the ones who have been old enough to have babies themselves for almost two fucking decades.
All Fed Up
This article appears in Jan 22-28, 2009.
Ahhh the age old “my roomate is a slob” issue.
My suggestion is, when you have to clean up after them put the shit you have to clean in their room: if they leave their stuff lying around dump it in their room. If they leave dishes in the sink for days on end dump them on their bed (which chances are won’t be made, so it’s a double whammy to have katchup blobs all over their sheets), if they leave the bathroom a mess and shit all over the toilet seat wipe it off and spread the dirty shit-stained rag on their pillow. And if they don’t like it tell them they have three options to ensure it won’t keep happening: a) move the fuck out; b) clean up after themselves or c) pay for a maid service.
I had a roomate once who had a habit of pissing on the floor, and not just in the bathroom either. piss would drip from his dick when he’d roam the house sans clothes when no ones was there (how does that even happen? maybe some of the males on here can enlighten me on this) so the floor would be sticky in places and the fucker would NEVER clean it up. it was NASTY and swiffering would rarely clean it all up in one shot. So, one day I took the fucker’s pillow and rubbed it into the sticky part and left it there. After that I never had a problem with sticky pissy floors.
When I had roommates, I made my room a nice little haven, ate take out and took care of my own garbage. I watched the rest of the place go to shits and sat contentedly in my room while the slobs screamed at each other.
One problem, however, was the condition of the bathroom – I just grinned and bore it, pubes in the tub and all.
No enlightenment really, it’s just the dude that was living with was a complete slob. Guys really don’t miss frequently (unless were under the influence one way or the other) unless they really don’t give a shit and obviously this guy didn’t.