Welcome to Gaydom, boys

Q I just turned 20 and have been out of the closet for a
year. A lesbian friend wants to hook me up with her gay friend, let’s
call him Kyle, a cute, fit boy who runs track and does theatre. The
issue is, he’s just 17 and starting his senior year in high school,
while I am entering my junior year in college. The age of consent where
we live is 16. I realize the age difference is not too big, but he is
technically still a minor. I’m only mildly experienced (I’ve had just
one boyfriend), and I’d like to think I’m a nice guy. Are there certain
things to keep in mind besides the usual respect and honesty, or should
I treat this as any other potential meeting? –Man In Need Of
Recommendation

A Meet the boy. If you hit it off, MINOR, it would be a shame
if you didn’t allow Kyle to benefit from your wisdom, experience and
cock just because he wasn’t born 12 months earlier. And if you start
going steady—which is what kids used to do before hooking up ruined
everything—and he’s out to his family, I would urge you to meet
his parents. They might not be entirely comfortable with their son’s
sexuality, and meeting the college boy who’s boning their son might be
awkward. But if you go out of your way to reassure them about your
intentions toward their son—above and beyond boning—they may feel a
bit more at ease about the relationship.

Q I am a gay male. A couple of months ago, I developed a
friendship with a gay married couple. We hit it off great—I really
enjoy their company. Then they took me aside and “invited” me into
their marriage, and so now I’m in one of those “polyamorous” groups. I
have never been in one before. I thought I would be able to open myself
up to both of them, but for some reason I can’t seem to feel love for
them both at the same time. I’ve always seen myself as a strict
monogamy kind of guy. I thought a three-way would be fun, but when I’m
with two guys, I feel like I’m just a piece of meat. I would like some
advice, if you could, please. I feel inadequate because I can’t feel
comfortable in this relationship. –Feel Like A Prude

A So…after knowing you for two months, this couple
essentially proposed to you, inviting you “into their marriage,” and
you accepted. Hmm. Exit this marriage at once, FLAP. Not because you’re
a prude, but because at two months, they were idiots to propose and you
were an idiot to accept.

Backing up: Trying something and not liking it doesn’t mean that
you’re a prude, FLAP, it only means that either “it” wasn’t for you or
you tried “it” with the wrong person(s). I suspect the latter in this
case. If these guys, after two months, had invited you to hang out with
them, to roll around with them, to drop by twice a week for a leisurely
spit roasting, I suspect you would’ve had a better experience,
FLAP. Inviting you over to be treated like a piece of meat—and a
human being—would’ve been honest. You couldn’t be a husband and in
love with both of them equally at two months. Their unreasonable
expectations, and your attempt to live up to them, ruined what
could’ve been a nice little affair.

Q I’m 35, gay and in a six-year relationship. My
husband—not really, but I call him that—is 38, and we have a great
relationship. We have been monogamous up till now but are open to
inviting others into our bed. This was prompted by a friend we recently
made who has expressed an interest in us both. He is 24, cute and just
starting out in Gaydom. We don’t expect anything long-term, just a
nice, mellow friend-with-benefits scenario. Any suggestions as to
issues we might want to discuss up front? –Good Gay Guys

A Tell the 24-year-old not to expect anything long-term, GGG,
and let him know that while you will be treating him like a piece of
meat, you will also be treating him like a human being. Make sure he
understands that his presence in your lives—and your bed—is meant
to be fun and temporary. You two get to spice it up with someone
strange; he gets to benefit from your wisdom, experience and cocks. And
tell him that while he’ll have a blast with you two, he shouldn’t
pass on a date with a potential boyfriend—but so long as you three
are friends-with-benefiting-it-up, you would like to be informed about
any other sexual contacts he might have.

Then show him the ropes, teach him about sexual safety, encourage
him to open up to you about anything he wants to try, help him find his
place in Gaydom and when it comes to an end—it will and should—make
an effort to remain friends.

Q I’m a gay dude who has been trying to find an all-natural
and organic lube. The only all-natural sex lubricants I can find all
say something to the effect of “closest possible to a woman’s natural
vaginal fluids.” I have two problems with this. First: eeewww. Second:
When I have sampled these just-like-vaginal-fluids lubes, they seem
very thin. A healthy bout of anal sex needs something with a bit more
viscosity. Is there an all-natural lube that doesn’t quickly dry out
and washes off easily? Some friends suggest vegetable oils, but I don’t
want to have to wash off my junk with Dawn after sex. –Lubing Up Butts
Environmentally Safely

A “Not that vaginal juices are eeewwwy,” says Rachel Venning,
cofounder of Babeland, one of my favourite sex-toy shops. “But I don’t
want a jar of them on my nightstand either. I want something that stays
slick longer, like packaged lube.”

Babeland makes its own organic lube, a water-based lube called Naked
that’s thick, latex-safe, and good for butt play. “It comes in totally
ungendered, non-plastic packaging,” Venning adds, making it perfect for
squeamish-about-girl-bits fags like you and me, LUBES.

Vegetable oils aren’t condom-safe, of course, but if you and your
partner are seroconcordant and having anal sex with only each other,
Venning suggested “some natural unguent from the beauty
aisle—shea-butter balm or the like. Not as slippery as lube but lasts
longer.”

This article appears in Aug 20-26, 2009.