Q I’m a 67-year-old woman, almost 68, who has been married four
times—once widowed (with three kids in their 40s who’ve turned out
pretty well), divorced three times. I recently met someone online: 48,
a wealthy, educated man with two boys, 12 and 14. He lives the
cuckholdt lifestyle and is looking for a woman to marry who would
participate and enjoy this with him. He says he “craves and needs” this
lifestyle, and from what he’s said so far, the boys have been trained
from an early age to also live this lifestyle and would require that
the woman he marries include them in all ways.
I’ve done some research and think I could be quite happy being a
dominant. However, my concern is that he wants me to be sexual with the
boys. He says that at home they practice familial nudity. He also wants
me to take each one to a hotel on their respective birthdays (he
doesn’t say at what age) and take their virginities. He has also
suggested that, once we are living together, if I wake up horny I
should go to one of the boys’ rooms and “grind my cunt into his face
and fuck the boy.” I think this is excessive. I don’t know if this type
of extreme behaviour is just fantasy for him or if he is serious.
If I like this man after meeting him, I would consider this
lifestyle, but with boundaries where the boys are concerned. As the
dominant, what I say goes, no questions asked (he has agreed to this
over IM), but we need to find a balance.
I’m interested in your thoughts on all of this. Thank you. –New To
Cuckholdting
A What do I think? I’m thinking—and hoping and praying—that this
letter is complete bullshit. And I think I’m gonna go boil my laptop
after writing this response. And I think I’m tempted to forward your
email on to the police. And I think I would do just that if I wasn’t
convinced that this man with whom you’ve been corresponding—assuming
you exist, NTC—is just another creepy pervert furiously beating off
in front of a computer as he spins out his creepy sexual fantasies for
a gullible audience of one.
But two details lead me to believe that there could actually be a
four-times-married, thrice-divorced, once-widowed moral bankrupt out
there receiving emails and IMs from a man who claims to be into “the
cuckoldt lifestyle,” “familial nudity” and the sexual abuse of his
adolescent children: your age and your inability to spell “cuckold.” If
a creep with child-rape fantasies wrote this letter, NTC, you wouldn’t
be 67 going on 68 with reservations. You would be 37 at the most with
DD breasts, and you would’ve spelled cuckold correctly. (Unless the
creep was into intergenerational sex and lousy spellers on top of
everything.)
Now: If this man and his children exist, NTC, he’s abusing his
children and they should be removed from his home immediately. He’s
scum, NTC, as is any woman who would for a moment contemplate shacking
up with this piece of shit. Because, again, what your Interwebs friend
describes is not the “cuckholdt lifestyle,” it’s the rape and
systematic sexual abuse of children. A man who is into cuckolding gets
off on his wife having consensual sex with other adult men, not his
children; a woman into cuckolding gets off on “cheating” on her husband
with other adult men, not her minor stepchildren.
Once again for the record: I don’t think this guy is for real or
that these kids exist. I think some creepy pervert is sitting in front
of a computer furiously rubbing ’em out as he chats with you.
Interacting with someone online who believes that he’s telling the
truth—someone who believes that he’s wealthy, educated and has two
boys at home anxious to be sexually abused by a woman old enough to be
their grandmother—turns him on. And so he lurks online until he lands
someone gullible and morally bereft enough to buy in.
OK! Let’s end with a note about standards and practices here at
“Savage Love”: I typically change identifying details—exact ages,
number of divorces, number of children—lest someone inadvertently out
themselves to their family and friends. I didn’t do that in NTC’s case,
because I’m praying to god that—if NTC exists—one of her children
sees this letter and recognizes dear ol’ Mom. And if her kids are
reading: Hey, guys, it’s time to take Mom’s cars keys, credit cards and
computer away. Dementia has set in, or Mom’s been demented all along.
Either way, she’s a danger to herself and others, and you might want to
stage an intervention before the criminal justice system does.
Q I am in desperate need. I have been dating a guy for two years.
We’re both 25, and we love each other a lot. He’s sexy as hell (half
Asian, quarter Native American, quarter black—he’s divine), we
connect, he’s funny, upbeat and honest. Unfortunately, we have a
recurring fight (once or twice a month), and I wonder if we will ever
resolve this issue. He likes the attention of other women. The fight
goes like this: He will do something borderline inappropriate with some
chick right in front of me (most recently, he had 30 consecutive
drunk-posts on Facebook with some 19-year-old he met through his
roommate), and I will get pissed and hurt. I approach him calmly and
say that it feels disrespectful and I hope that one day we will come to
an agreement on this issue. He swears that it is all in my head and
that I work myself up over nothing. But he KNOWS it hurts my feelings,
and my hurt is made worse because he is disregarding my feelings. He
usually gets mad, says he “didn’t do anything wrong” and he “can’t talk
to me anymore,” and then I won’t hear from him for a day or so.
I have friends telling me that this is a dealbreaker and that I am
being emotionally abused. I don’t know if I believe that—I think he
just needs to work on boundaries. I just had a “come to Jesus” talk
with the boy, and he still feels like he didn’t cross any lines and
refuses to apologize. But to make me feel guilty, he said he will
“never post anything on another girl’s Facebook page ever again.”
That’s not what I wanted. Now my face hurts from crying, and I want
someone sane to tell me which way is up. Whoses side are you on? I
would actually be happier if you told me that I was crazy and
controlling, because altering my own attitude is a lot easier than
trying to get through to him. –Hurting in Oregon
AAh… a nice, normal problem to cleanse the palate after the shit sandwich that opens the column this week. I’m not on anyone’s side in this dispute, HIO. You sound like an insecure, passive-aggressive guilt tripper, and the boyfriend sounds like an inconsiderate flirt. You’ve been having the same fight twice a month for two years. Enough already. If the sex, the connection and his race-based divinity don’t compensate for the flirting, end this relationship. If they do, HIO, stay with him—but only if you can stop policing his interactions with other women and stop bitching about the flirting to him, to your friends and to me.
This article appears in Oct 29 – Nov 4, 2009.
