I never realized that there was a nice way to deprive
someone’s brain of oxygen. One class with Peter Martell teaches me
otherwise.
“See how his face is getting all red?” asks Martell, politely.
“That’s how you know it’s working.”
Martell is clenching my friend Walter Muschenheim’s neck between his
forearms and huge biceps. Walter starts to gurgle and Martell releases
him from “the lion killer,” a move taken from Brazilian jiu-jitsu
designed to “put people to sleep.” It compresses veins in your
opponent’s neck, which cuts off blood supply to the brain.
“I felt like my eyes were bulging out of my head!” Walter says once
he’s released.
We’re at Palooka’s Boxing Club on Gottingen, taking Martell’s mixed
martial arts class, which is free since it’s our first. Walking into
the class may have been terrifying, because of the impressive roster of
pro fighters who would be practising with us—such as Roger “The Hulk”
Hollett, who’s won the Extreme Cage Combat and Maximum Fighting Light
Heavyweight Championships and Peter “The Wrath” McGrath—but our fears
quickly dissipate due to the easygoing nature of our instructor and
classmates.
“There’s not much ego here, just a lot of people who are friendly
and helpful,” Martell says, referring to more experienced fighters keen
to help newcomers learn the ropes.
We show up during the holiday season, so there are only seven people
in our class. I’m the only woman there tonight, whereas I understand
there are usually a few. While Martell teaches me loads of moves, none
of the men seem predisposed to actually start fights with me. Martell
says they need to be careful, because of the differences in our body
weights. They do seem to enjoy tossing Walter around, who isn’t that
much bigger than me. Walter ends up with a black eye, a rare treat for
a King’s College philosophy student, but typical at Palooka’s.
Mixed martial arts is exploding in popularity—if the regular bouts
broadcast on American cable are anything to go by—but has often been
given a bad rap by the media for being dangerous. In fact, it has been
sanctioned by the Nova Scotia Boxing authority since Halifax’s Extreme
Cage Fighting Competition in 2006, which Martell helped organize. This
hybrid form of fighting draws from muay thai, jiu-jitsu and Greco-Roman
wrestling. Mixed martial arts fighters wear smaller gloves than boxers
and competitors fight standing or grappling. In other words, they roll
around on the floor, trying to get one another in a position from which
there is no escape without injury.
Ideally, one’s opponent would tap the ground to say uncle before
getting injured. In a real fight when no one calls uncle, “you’d break
the arm,” says Martell. He can also recall putting someone to sleep by
accident in class recently, as he was demonstrating a hold. The victim
never tapped out and Martell was surprised to find the student’s body
suddenly go limp. But he assures us that people always regain
consciousness quickly. Other classmates nod in agreement and I make a
mental note to remember to beat the floor with my hand when in
doubt.
After trying it myself, the sport’s detractors start to sound like a
bunch of killjoys. The class is loads of fun. Martell teaches Walter
and me how to flip each other through the air. We also put on gloves
and pads to take turns bashing ourselves and others around. We
pulverize punching bags.
It turns out some of the techniques are useful in the outside world.
I learn a series of moves that Martell considers to be of particular
importance to women, who may need to ward off violent aggressors.
They’re all a bit complicated, but definitely worth picking up.
Palooka’s actually hopes to attract more female participants, giving
discounts to women to encourage more of them to attend classes.
Erika Lemon, who works out at Palooka’s all the time, tells me that
many of her friends at Dalhousie are too intimidated to go there with
her. “They think you have to be in really good shape or something,
which is not true at all,” she says.
After doing mixed martial arts, Lemon and I take Boxercise
with instructor Ocean Samuel. Samuel is an enthusiastic, petite woman,
who also teaches pilates. Most classes at Palooka’s operate on a
non-profit basis, so boxercise costs only the $5 admission fee to get
into the club. It’s a small class, which translates into tons of
individual attention from Samuel, who will make sure your form is
perfect and will adjust the class based on the fitness level of
participants. Plus, Samuel’s casual teaching style makes you feel like
you’re working out with an old friend.
She also lets people blow off steam by punching her. “People seem to
like punching me after class,” she says, laughing.
Samuel and Lemon recommend Palooka’s muay thai kickboxing to me. I
take a class from ultimate fighter Ryan “Big Deal” Jimmo, who I’ve seen
beating someone’s face to a bloody pulp on YouTube. I’m a bit scared of
the Big Deal, but like everyone else I’vemet at this gym, he turns out
to be friendly and easy to chat with.
He also has a sadistic sense of humour. Jimmo seems to take pleasure
in concocting torturous warm-ups, which often involve people throwing
medicine balls at me. Breaks are not acceptable. One woman flees class
for some water. “Water is for sissies!” jokes Jimmo. I stop to tie my
hair. “You can tie your hair later! Skip! Skip!” he says, with obvious
glee.
I‘m the laughing stock of a party the following evening. I
fall down a flight of stairs before even having a drink. My muscles are
so tight that the stairs prove impossible. Yet, I don’t hate Jimmo. It
feels good to have been pushed to my limits, because usually I’d be too
lazy to force myself to exercise that much. Sadly, the Big Deal has
announced he’ll be leaving Palooka’s for Thailand, where he’ll hone his
art further.
Fortunately for kickboxing enthusiasts, there’s a similar class
available at Titans Gym, which shares many of Palooka’s instructors.
The class is taught by one of the men who trained Jimmo himself, Rob
Walker.
Palooka’s is also adding two new classes to its schedule, which
promise to be equally intense. For five bucks per class one can take
20-20-20 or Bootcamp, both of which are taught by women and provide a
full body workout. For a workout that promises to bust everyone into
shape—from grandparents to Olympic athletes—try Walker’s Crossfit
at Titans. The first class is free every Sunday. Or, if you’re left
craving more mixed martial arts, take a class at Palooka’s from
legendary local fighter Ralph Hollett. Hollett, The Hulk’s father, is a
three-time Canadian middleweight champion in boxing, a kickboxing
champion and a Toughman champion, so watch out.
Despite being covered with eyebrow-raising bruises, I’d recommend
classes at Palooka’s to anyone looking to get in shape and maybe earn a
cool nickname to boot. Just make sure you aren’t a sissy and don’t
forget your sense of humour.
This article appears in Jan 15-21, 2009.