Q: I am a fairly successful
man. I don’t make bank like Wall Streeters back in the day, but I
haven’t been hungry since college. My girlfriend is younger. We met
when she was in grad school. Like many recent grads, she’s not steadily
employed, in debt and driving an unsafe car. So I support her, house
her, feed her and pay her bills (medical, etc.). She needed to pay off
her credit-card debt—28 percent interest rate!—so she took work
stripping and later as an escort. Through escorting she was able to pay
off her credit-card debt in a month.
Now some guys would find this distressing, but I found it hot.
Here’s the thing: After she paid off her credit-card debt, she stopped
escorting. I’d like her to continue part-time until she finds a career.
She’s mixed on this. We would like to buy a house and make things more
permanent, but our income isn’t enough to do that if she’s making
waiter wages. I guess it boils down to this: I would prefer to be with
a sex worker than a waiter. I’d rather she make $200/hour on her back
than $10/hour on her feet. She says she has issues with sex work. What
do you think? Perhaps I’m Mildly Perverted
A: I don’t think it’s up to
me, PIMP, or you. And I would hope that your girlfriend, who’s
financially dependent on you at the moment, doesn’t return to sex work
because she feels coerced.
But I can certainly appreciate your point of view. There are men out
there who’re turned on by the idea of their girlfriends/wives having
sex with other men; some men are turned on by the idea of their
girlfriends/wives being paid for sex. You’re clearly one of those guys.
And you’re within your rights to share this information with your
girlfriend and to try to convince her to return to sex work. Because
your fantasies of sex work—of her doing sex work—turn you on.
Again, that’s fine. But you could make a more convincing case, PIMP, if
you were better acquainted with the realities of sex work.
You should suck off strange men for money.
You’ll have to service men, I’m afraid, as there’s not much of a
market for male prostitutes who service female clients. While lots of
men fantasize about being paid to have sex with women, there’s a fatal
supply-and-demand problem. Simply put: There are just too many men out
there willing to give it away for free. That created a glut on the
supply side, which has distorted the market, as there’s more than
enough free straight cock out there to meet the needs of straight
women.
So you’ll be giving head to dudes, PIMP. And after you’ve choked
down a few hundred loads, you can go back to the girlfriend and say
“Sex work isn’t so bad!” with some credibility. And if you keep doing
sex work after you’ve sucked off scores of men you’re not attracted
to—men who may or may not treat you with respect, men who may have
different standards of personal hygiene than you—that might convince
your girlfriend to continue to pursue sex work for your amusement. Good
luck.
Q: Hello! I have been in a
relationship with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. It is
amazing! We are both very GGG, and it is by far the best sexual
relationship that I have ever had. But there is one thing that’s been
bugging me, and it’s the only thing I feel I can’t share with him. My
boyfriend really enjoys tossing my salad. I enjoy it! We love it!
Problem: He kisses me when he is done.
Now I am not one of these people who is grossed out about
sex-related things. I love it messy and sloppy. If he kisses me after
eating my pussy, I’m fine with that. But kissing me after he eats my
ass? I hate it! It tastes awful! It ruins the rest of the sex for me!
I’ve heard the old “Well, imagine what it tastes like for him” adage,
but he really does enjoy it, and I do, too…just not the kissing
after. I’m not sure what to do about this. I am afraid that telling him
would offend him and that he will stop doing it. (I do like having my
salad tossed!) Am I being selfish? Should I tell him? Suck it up?
Bad Taste In My Mouth
A: One never permits one’s
boyfriend—or one’s president—to place his tongue in one’s butt if
it isn’t clean and fresh. Because when one allows one’s boyfriend to
stick his tongue in one’s butt, BTIMM, one is vouching for the
edibility of one’s ass. When one consents to having one’s salad
tossed—are people referring to anilingus in that way again?—one is
saying to one’s partner, “My ass is clean enough for your mouth. Have
at it.”
It is entirely reasonable for one’s boyfriend—or one’s youth
pastor or one’s president—to assume that if one’s butt is clean
enough to receive his tongue, his tongue is clean enough,
post-salad-tossing, to be received in the mouth of the person whose
salad he has just tossed.
So are you are being selfish? Perhaps. But we are, each of us,
allowed a hang-up or two. You should inform the boyfriend that you’re
not into kissing after anal-oral contact. But you must present this as
your problem, not his, as a hang-up of yours. If he likes you well
enough, and enjoys eating your ass as much as he seems to, he may be
willing to take a few extra steps—mouthwash on the nightstand? A
quick swipe with a warm washcloth?—to accommodate your
squeamishness.
Q: What is the proper condom
etiquette for threesomes?
In my case, I’m a guy and it would be with two girls. Do I change
condoms when I go from one girl to the other? It seems like that would
be a hassle. It’d kill the spontaneity. No Clever Acronym
A: First, a general point:
Spontaneity is overrated. The best sex often requires advance planning;
the more people involved, or props involved, the more planning
required. Although threesomes, for example, can sometimes “just happen”
(often when three young people “just happen” to get drunk), most
threesomes require some advance planning (particularly when adults want
to have them). Finding the third, vetting the third, establishing the
ground rules, talking about safety, etc.—all of that requires advance
planning.
On to your specific question, NCA: You are going to have to change
condoms when you hop from one girl to the other. Unless, of course,
you’re a total asshole and you only care about protecting your own
health and you don’t give a shit about exposing Girl A to any sexually
transmitted infections that Girl B might have, or vice versa. Neither
girl should sleep with you if you refuse to swap out condoms, and you
should remind yourself that the number-one straight-male fantasy of all
time is worth the hassle of swapping out condoms.
But you do have another option: the female condom. It’s a condom
that she wears. I’ve used them—with dudes—and once you get past the
creepy trash-can-liner aspect of using them, they work fine. Stuff one
in each girl, and you’ll be able hop back and forth to your heart’s
content without pausing to change condoms. There’s more info about the
female condom at femalehealth.com.
Download Dan’s Savage Lovecast (his weekly podcast)
every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.
Email Dan at mail@savagelove.net.
This article appears in Jun 25 – Jul 1, 2009.
