Q I’m a longtime reader who thought I’d never have a reason to write
since I’m universally known as the “good girl,” but I’m not sure who
else I can turn to. I have a close male friend. Even though I knew he
was dating someone else, we became friends-with-benefits several years
ago. Because of his relationship (he lives with her!), I let him take
the lead in setting up our rendezvous. Sometimes when we’d be together,
it felt like a booty call; other times, it felt like it was leading to
something more. He once admitted that if things were different, he
could see us together. He never really talks about his girlfriend with
me, and awhile ago I discovered that while he was unfaithful to her, he
had also been unfaithful to me.
On to the point: He recently proposed to his girlfriend. I’m happy
for him if it’s what he truly wants, but I feel like he did it out of
desperation. All I know is that there were some ultimatums involved.
Here is my dilemma: I don’t want to out myself, I don’t want to hurt
him and I don’t want to ruin our friendship, Dan, but I feel like she
has to know what her fiance is really like before they get married. I
don’t see his cheating stopping just because they’ve exchanged a few
vows. Should I anonymously contact her and let her know that her man is
a cheating man-whore? Thanks! —One Of Many Other Women
A Gee…it must have come as a real shock when you realized that a
man who was capable of cheating on his live-in girlfriend was also
capable of cheating on the girl with whom he was cheating on his
live-in girlfriend. No one could’ve predicted, huh?
On to your question: I hate to think of some poor woman marrying a
cheating piece of shit (CPOS)—a CPOS is not to be confused with an
honest nonmonogamous dude (HND)—in ignorance of his
cheating-piece-of-shitness. It’s possible that the CPOS’s fiancee
already knows and has forgiven him; perhaps one of those ultimatums
touched on cheating. But odds are better that this woman doesn’t know,
and someone really ought to clue her in before the wedding. Should it
be you?
I’m not comfortable with your motives, OOMOW. You may be known
throughout the universe as a “good girl”—as the good girl—but your
actions prove that you’re something of a “bad girl.” And there’s more:
Your desire to destroy your FWB’s relationship proves that you’re
something of a “vindictive girl,” your attempt to pass your
vindictiveness off as concern for a woman you’ve repeatedly wronged
proves that you’re a “self-deluding girl,” and your desire to
accomplish all of this without paying any price yourself—you don’t
want to out yourself or risk ruining your “friendship” with the
man-whore—proves that you’re a “selfish girl” and a “cowardly
girl.”
Back to your motives: The reason you want to do this anonymously is
because your top concern is having the CPOS all to yourself, and that
means sticking a knife in his current relationship without leaving any
fingerprints. So it’s a good thing that you weren’t the only “other
woman” in his life, OOMOW, because he’ll never know for sure which one
of his other women ratted him out.
Setting your highly suspect motives aside…If I were in the
fiancee’s shoes, I would want to know what was going on before the
wedding. So I do think you should tell her. But if you have any shred
of decency—even the tiniest bit—you will tell her personally,
apologize profusely and provide her with some proof. An anonymous tip
won’t cut it: A CPOS who has successfully hidden a collection of other
women from his fiancee will be able to talk his way out of an anonymous
accusation of infidelity. He’ll either claim the email was sent by a
vindictive ex of his, which has the benefit of being very nearly true,
or he’ll claim that an ex of hers is trying to destroy her
happiness.
Finally, OOMOW, why do you want to be with the CPOS? He cheated on
his fiancee, he cheated on you and he probably cheated on the women who
he was cheating on the both of you with. He’s a piece of shit, his
fiancee is a fool and you’re a vindictive, self-deluding, selfish
coward. I’m not sure if you can all do better, or that any of you
deserve better, but I do think you should all try.
Q I’m a hetero girl in my 20s. I love masturbating and find myself
really good at it, but a lot of the time I get nothing from hetero
porn. Usually it’s because I can’t stand the girls’ annoying voices. So
I rely on gay porn instead, even when I’m reading erotica. I tend to go
for what you gay guys call “twinks.” (Who the hell is a twink,
technically speaking? Please don’t tell me it’s anything statutory!)
I’m not really concerned, I’m just curious: Is this a common problem? I
would love to watch two twinks in reality at some point, but I’m not
sure if any gay guys would ever be into that. —Twink Lover
A Twinks are boyish gay men—boyish men, not boyish boys—in their
late teens to mid-20s with slim-to-slightly muscular bodies and
relatively hairless chins, chests, crotches, et al. So long as you’re
getting your live-action porn from reputable sites and companies, TL,
you don’t have anything to worry about on the statutory front. As for
watching a couple of twinks go at it, there are lots of bisexual twinks
out there—perhaps you could date one and have the odd three-way with
others? There are also, without a doubt, some twink gay couples out
there as turned on by the idea of some straight girl watching them go
at it as you are turned on by the idea of watching a couple of twinks
go at it. And thanks to the World Wide Interfluffer, finding them—or
renting them—is easier than ever. And speaking of twinks…
However much Playgirl paid Levi Johnston for that photo
shoot, it wasn’t enough. Most people thought Playgirl—which
ceased publishing in print awhile ago—was dead and gone forever.
Prior to this photo shoot with Johnston, who even knew that
Playgirl had a website? Or a publicist? A publicist who had this
to say: “We were talking in the greenroom about gay categories—bear,
cubs—and Levi asked what his type would be. We decided a twink, but
older, so we anointed him a ‘twunk.'”
I love the idea of a twunk—an older twink—but Levi Johnston is
19 years old. How old is a twink supposed to be if a 19-year-old is
already an aged twunk? No, no: Johnston was never a twink. He is a
high-school jock—the hockey variety, to the delight of gear
fetishists everywhere—gone slightly to seed.
This article appears in Dec 3-9, 2009.