QI’m positive you’ve written something about this in the past. But I have searched your archives and have only managed to find people arguing in the comments about this topic, when what I want is your advice. My 16-year-old son is stealing our sex toys. My son took my husband’s handheld toy several months ago. […]
Lifestyle
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In your horoscope: Dance alone in the dark
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18) Aquarian author Alice Walker writes, “In nature, nothing is perfect and everything is perfect. Trees can be contorted, bent in weird ways, and they’re still beautiful.” In the coming weeks, I hope you’ll adopt that way of thinking and apply it to every aspect of your perfectly imperfect body […]
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4 relationship quickies
QI’m a 30-year-old straight woman in a three-year relationship with my live-in partner, who is also 30. I love him and he loves me and he wants to make a life with me. However, in this pandemic, the stress is so great that I have lost all desire to have sex. I don’t want anyone […]
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In your horoscope: Playing it cool isn’t really cool
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18) “We all want everything to be OK,” writes author David Levithan. “We don’t even wish so much for fantastic or marvelous or outstanding. We will happily settle for OK, because most of the time, OK is enough.” To that mediocre manifesto, I reply, OK. I accept that it’s true […]
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The boyfriend experience
QSex-positive bi woman here. I have recommended your column to many people over the years to help them feel normal and human in their kinks, fantasies, sexuality, et cetera. But I’m having a more difficult time extending similar acceptance to myself. I was in a three-year relationship with a cis straight man. I recently moved […]
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In your horoscope: Know where and when to stop
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18) “My business is circumference,” wrote poet Emily Dickinson in a letter to her mentor. What did she mean by that? “Circumference” was an important word for her. It appeared in 17 of her poems. Critic Rochelle Cecil writes that for Dickinson, circumference referred to a sense of boundlessness radiating […]
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Dan Savage says the case on HIV disclosure is closed for most people
QI could really use your advice. I recently found my boyfriend’s HIV meds while I was house sitting for him and went into his cupboard for a multivitamin. We’ve been dating for a year and I had assumed he was negative. I’m negative myself and on PrEP and he is undetectable, so I know there […]
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Dan Savage says Cum again
QAs you can see by my signature, Dan, I’m a linguist. On your podcast you frequently ask researchers “whatchyougot” on all kinds of sex- and romance-related questions, I thought maybe you’d be interested in some expertise on linguistic matters too. And I have some on “cum,” “cumming,” and (shudder) “cummed.” The technical term here used […]
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In your horoscope: you are billions of years old
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAPRICORN ♑ (December 22-January 19) Capricorn author Edgar Allen Poe named “four conditions for happiness: life in the open air; love of another human being; freedom from all ambition; creation.” I’m accomplished in three of those categories, but a failure in being free of all ambitions. In fact, I’m eternally delighted by all […]
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In your horoscope: You’ll have all the money you need
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19) “I only want people around me who can do the impossible,” said Capricorn businessperson Elizabeth Arden. In that spirit, and in accordance with your astrological potentials, I hereby authorize you to pursue two “impossible” goals in 2021. The first comes to you courtesy of fashion writer Diana Vreeland, who wrote, “There’s […]
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European adventures
QWe’re an adventurous, bisexual, non-monogamous, opposite-sex couple with a teenage kid. We’re living in Europe. We don’t really struggle with finding and trying new and interesting stuff in bed. However, we do have a problem and it’s getting worse. Having sex is, well, weird, when the kid is at home. We can’t be loud, we can’t […]
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In your horoscope: It’s time to drive away anxiety
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAGITTARIUS (November 22-December 21) According to researcher Nick Watts and his documentary film The Human Footprint, the average person speaks more than 13 million words in a lifetime, or about 4,300 per day. But I suspect and hope that your output will increase in 2021. I think you’ll have more to say than […]
