Free Will Astrology

ARIES (March 21-April 19) In her blog, Jane at janebook.tumblr.com answers questions from readers. A recent query went like this: “Who would win in a steel cage match, Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny?” Jane said, “Easter Bunny, no question; he has those big-ass teeth.” But I’m not so sure. My sources say that Santa […]

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) The hydrochloric acid in our digestive system is so corrosive it can dissolve a nail. In other words, you contain within you the power to dematerialize solid metal. Why is it so hard, then, for you to conceive of the possibility that you can vaporize a painful memory or bad habit […]

ARIES (March 21-April 19) This is an excellent time to study the book Assholeology: The Science Behind Getting Your Way—and Getting Away with It. In fact, the cosmos would not only look the other way if you acted on the principles described therein; the cosmos is actively encouraging you to be a successful jerk. APRIL […]

ARIES (March 21-April 19) Were you under the impression that the sky is completely mapped? I’s not. Advances in technology are unveiling a nonstop flow of new mysteries. In a recent lecture, astronomer Joshua Bloom of the University of California described the explosion of wonder. One particular telescope, for example, detects 1.5 million transient phenomena […]

PISCES (February 19 – March 20) If I had to come up with a title for the next phase of your astrological cycle, it might be “Gathering Up.” The way I see it, you should focus on collecting any resources that are missing from your reserves. You should hone skills that are still too weak […]

PISCES (February 19 – March 20) If I were you, Pisces, I’d make interesting fun your meme of the week. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you will be fully justified in making that your modus operandi and your raison d’être. For best results, you should put a priority on pursuing experiences that […]

PISCES (February 19 – March 20) Good things may come to those who wait—but they’re mostly just the things left behind by thos/Volumes/Death Star/ADS/Old Issue Ads/18.40 ads/18.40 inhouse bof surveye who hustle and bustle.That message was in the fortune cookie I got with my Chinese takeout food tonight. It happens to be a perfect fit […]

PISCES (February 19-March 20) I’m hoping that you will grant your ego more permission to shine in the coming weeks, Pisces. I’m hoping you will allow it to unveil more flash, feel more zeal and exert more force. After all your earnest bouts of self-sacrifice, you deserve a poetic licence to brag like a hip-hop […]

AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18) Don’t put your shoes on before you put on your socks this week, OK? Refrain from polishing off a piece of cheesecake and a bowl of ice cream before dinner and don’t say goodbye whenever you arrive at a new destination. Catch my drift, Aquarius? Do things in the proper order, […]

AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18) When some Westerners hear the term “tantra,” they think it’s a New Age codeword for lavish sex. But in its original form, tantra is a philosophy that advocates spiritual union with all of creation, not just erotic union with an attractive partner. Tantric practitioners might engage in metaphorical “love-making” with lizards, […]

AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18) The renegade spiritual sect known as the Church of the Subgenius values one treasure above all others: not salvation, not enlightenment, not holiness, but rather Slack. And what is Slack? It is a state of being in which everything flows smoothly—a frame of mind so unfettered and at ease that the […]

Free Will Astrology AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18) You may have no idea of how much power you have right now to start fresh—to escape the muddle of murky old failures. Your imagination might not yet be sufficiently lubricated to glide you into the expansive version of the future you deserve. But I’m hoping that this […]