The old intro to The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson had a montage of disturbingly ugly characters – men with nightmarish dental work and comb-overs. When I was up late and David Letterman was over I switched stations right away to avoid the British/Scottish comedy thing of really mean caricature and whoever Craig Whatshisname was.
One night I was engrossed in something, probably FB Scrabble games and didn’t turn the channel and he came on, and turned out to be introspective and funny and really engaged with the camera which meant engaged with me. And I started watching.
When I knew I was coming to Los Angeles one of the online researches I did was to see what shows were taping and Ferguson was the first I tried; I went yesterday with Pat, Thom’s mother.
The studios are in Hollywood on Fairfax, a street of thrift stores and old time delis and The Grove, a mall that’s a village and another story.
We arrived just after 2:30 and though half an hour early were pretty much the last in line. Eventually we moved forward, someone checked our ID and then we went through a metal detector and had bench numbers written on our wrists with black marker. We took our seats. We all were less than average good looking compared to the folks I see on the street in Studio City.
Some little annoyance in a maroon CBS jacket started yelling every minute about how we should use the bathroom before we went in.
Then Brian was on the scene, little twerpy fuck with a soul patch beard wearing his dad’s aviator sunglasses. The website said the taping began at 3:00 but Brian tells me it won’t start until 4:30. Not good. He leads us through practice cheers and clapping, and has a young young woman in an overly big CBS jacket and flat ballet shoes under her too-long pants record it on a small camera. He’s not funny and really it feels insulting to be taught how to laugh and clap. Say something funny asshole, and I’ll be the first to laugh. Brian warms us up for Chunky B, his boss. Supposedly. Whatever.
Chunky B comes out. He’s 40ish, dress shirt in pants, tonsure bald patch. He’s the real warm up guy. More unfunny genuinely stupid banter from him and after an eternity we walk up two flights of stairs to Studio 58 which freezing cold and seats 108.
Chunky B is back. He hurls miniature Twix and Snickers bars at us and many of us oblige by scrambling for them. It’s pathetic. Then he continues to warm us up with jokes from Grade Six:
What did one saggy boob say to the other?
We’d better get some support or people will think we’re nuts.
I am in purgatory. I have a short short fuse for shit like this.
When things start, they move quickly. The musical guests are taped first and a day early (so that the time of tearing down the risers, instrument and amps does not interrupt taping): Wilco is the band on our episode but the band taped yesterday. Out comes a very thin light-skinned black woman and a five-piece band. I have no idea who she is but the others sure do: Corinne Bailey Rae. “It’s freezing cold in here,” she says and she and her band launch into two songs and are gone. Crew moves their gear off the small stage and the riser with Craig’s chair and desk plus guest seats is rolled into place on centre stage.
Chunky B is ever present, clown of a million exhortations and jokes everyone else laughs at.
How do you get a fat chick? Piece of cake.
Craig and his guest, Rosie O’Donnell come out and do a gender bend of Robert Palmer’s “Addicted To Love.” Ferguson is back quickly, doing the monologue (almost entirely about the death of J.D. Salinger) close into the camera which means he is not really visible to the audience. Minute break and he chats animatedly with a floor director. Then back. Then Rosie. Ferguson and O’Donnell seem like two smart witty people having a conversation. Nice. Minute break. Ferguson is up again and chats with the floor director and does not acknowledge us at all. More talk. Rosie talks about Howard Stern, how smart and nice he is, and plugs her HBO documentary A Family is Family is a Family.
She breaks the news we re all getting Sirius radios. It’s over. We file out. Brian hands me a XM Onyx ($58.88 on Amazon). We file back downstairs and out into the cool evening.
This article appears in Jan 28 – Feb 3, 2010.
This was really funny and interesting! I always imagined that tapings were more interactive. Too bad you missed Wilco!
I think you’re great.
I always liked your style of writing. Intelligent, snarky in a good way and funny. Hope to see more of it.
Always liked your writing and views- insightful and funny, and snarky in a good way! Keep it coming!
It’s really too bad you spent so much of this “article” ragging on how bad the audience warm up comedians were. There’s so much better you could have written about. Craig is genius. Loved the interview and you were lucky to be there for taping a musical opening number. You whine this much typically?
I’m glad you enjoyed at least some of your time there. (I think? It’s hard to tell, with all of the negative comments overwhelming the article.) Seeing a taping live — of any show — can often be a somewhat disappointing thing, because real life doesn’t move at the pace of television life. That said, I feel I must point something out: If Craig didn’t do the monologue “close into the camera which means he is not really visible to the audience” while in the studio, it wouldn’t end up seeming as if he were “really engaged with the camera which meant engaged with me” to the audience at home. This may come as a shock, but it is the audience at home who are the important factor in the television equation.
I honestly believe that Craig Ferguson has the best monologues in the all of late night television. Example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bbaRyDLMvA
Aside from attending a few tapings of 22 Minutes, I was a live tv virgin before seeing Letterman in New York recently.
I gotta say, the pre-show bullshit came very close to ruining my entire experience as well. First, you stand in line for a half hour outside. Then you come inside, get your tickets, and are told to return in 90 minutes. Upon your return, you line up again. After another 20 minutes or so of lining up outside, you are brought in to the lobby of the Ed Sullivan Theatre. It is a very small lobby, and they cram you in so tight you can barely move. We stood there for what seemed like an eternity, while an idiot page had us practice laughing, appluading, etc, etc. We were given instructions to laugh really hard for the warm-up comic once we got into the theatre, as “Dave will be watching”. We were warned he wouldn’t bring out his “A” material unless he thought we deserved it. Or something.
By the time we got into the studio, I was ready to fucking murder somebody.
The actual taping was fine. Much more linear than Jane’s experience. Monologue, desk bit, guest, guest, musical guest, end. It was pretty much live-to-tape I believe. I enjoyed it.
But I wouldn’t do it again. Not for Dave, Jay, Conan, Jon, Craig, Jimmy, Jimmy, Whoopi, Oprah, Jerry..nobody.
Many years ago I went to a taping of the Peter Gzowski TV show at Bell Road, Halifax.
Quite good apart from the 80 year old formerly famous fan dancer, name forgotten but she may have been the Keeler lady. Unfortunately the audience at the sides of the camera were treated to the view of a semi naked octagenarian. Suppressed mirth was the order of the day for many of us. Thank god the show was eventually canned, Pete worked well on radio and in print but TV was not his gig.
I’ve been to three tapings of Craig’s show (two in one day). I agree with you about the “brainwashing” they give you regarding laughing. The first two shows I saw were genuinely funny (because of Craig); however, the third show was the Mythbusters show, and not being a fan of Mythbusters, I found the show dry. If you can get past the warm up guys, you can appreciate Craig and how funny he truly is.
I recently saw a taping of the LLS, and could not agree with you more about Chunky B and what an awful experience the warm up part is. I am a huge Craig fan, but Chunky B was such an unfunny creepster that made the audience uncomfortable as hell that it ruined the entire experience for me. I would have rather had a root canal. They should just show the hilarious Craig clips and hand (not throw) everyone a twix bar.
http://www.colordressup.com