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Tuesday, May 27, 2014

An apology nine years in the making

Posted on Tue, May 27, 2014 at 11:50 AM

We met in 2004. I was dating someone, but you were single. I should have ditched the guy I was dating. I know that we saw each other regardless of that, and I am thankful for the short time we had together, it was amazing. If I had done that one thing, I don't think I would be where I am now if it hadn't been for our time together. I know that in the end, I hurt you. I am here now to explain and, mostly, to apologize.

I would do this in person, but time and circumstance have parted us, so this is really my only option. I was a terrible person to you. I don't blame you for fooling around with me after you started dating the other "same named" girl. I started it, and I sure as hell finished it. I did what I did in a moment of weakness, and loneliness. I was intoxicated, and he showered me with the attention I needed at that particular moment in time. Believe it or not, it was never about hurting you, it was about making myself feel better. That doesn't excuse my sleeping with him, but that's 100 percent the reason I did it.

What came after the booze and drugs wore off, was worse. Even though we weren't together, I knew I had betrayed you. I have beat myself up for nine years. I will never forgive myself for what I did to you. I want you to know that of all the things I have done in my years on this earth, that hurting you, by far, is the biggest regret that I have, and the second, is not being able to do this in person, face to face. You are one of the fiercest, noblest and most integral people that I have ever met, and you deserved better than what even 10 of me could have ever hoped to offer you. I did try to apologize to your face, once, about eight years ago, but you were still angry, and deservedly so.

I just want you to know that you will always be in my heart. I love my husband to the ends of the earth, but you were my first true love, and that never fades to black. I hope that you are happy in your life, and I congratulate you on becoming a dad. I just know that with your influence, that child will grow up to become a responsible, and loving human being. I sincerely hope that you read this. I don't expect you to forgive me, I just wanted you to hear what I had to say. -You Know Who I Am

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