Called to order a donair from the pizza place, which was listed for $9.50. They wanted to charge me an extra three dollars for delivery because my order is under $10. Why not just add the extra 50 cents, then, to bump it up to 10 bucks? Why do you need three dollars more for nothing? Fuck you, you charletons! I don’t like being nickelled and dimed and charged extra for nothing. Why not make the price of large donair 10 bucks, not 9.50? Then they want an extra dollar to use interac. It’s 2019, everywhere has interac for free, dipwads. Welcome to the 21 century. I cancelled my order because I want a donair, not a head fuck! Also, I didn’t like the tone of the asshole on the phone. Won’t be calling you damn rip off artists again! Also your donair causes uncontrollable diarrhoea the next morning, so I’m doing myself a favor, actually.
—Shove it up your ass
This article appears in May 9-15, 2019.