Recently, I stopped into a coffee shop on Quinpool Road for a latte. I asked to speak to the owner to request permission to post a recruitment flyer for two new research studies. The top of the flyer says “Do you (or your partner) experience pain during sex?”
The owner responded that “those kinds of people” don’t come into her coffee shop. She said that people with these problems would probably be found in medical clinics or hospitals, so I should post my flyers there. My first reaction was that perhaps she is like many women who simply aren’t aware of this common and distressing pain condition. So I started to explain what this research is about.
Approximately eight to 16 percent of women suffer from a recurrent, vulvo-vaginal pain condition called vulvodynia. It remains unclear what the cause of this condition is, and in most cases there aren’t any physical signs of illness (in other words, the gynaecological examination looks normal). But the pain is very real. It causes severe pain during sexual intercourse, typically described as burning or cutting. The pain is also triggered in non-sexual situations, such as using a tampon or riding a bicycle. In the new edition of The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), it is categorized under female sexual dysfunction and called “genito-pelvic/pain penetration disorder.” Studies have shown that affected women experience more anxiety and depression compared to women without this pain, as well as a reduced overall quality of life.
Vulvodynia negatively affects all aspects of women’s sexuality, including their sexual desire, arousal, orgasmic ability and frequency of intercourse. It also impacts women’s intimate relationships, and their relationships can in turn affect women’s pain experience. My research focuses on how sexual partners respond to the woman during painful intercourse.
We learned that being overly sympathetic can fuel avoidance of all kinds of sexual activity (not just painful intercourse) and is associated with more pain and sexual impairment. In contrast, encouraging more approach-oriented coping—expressing pleasure during sex and focusing on non-painful activities, for example—leads to less pain and a better sexual experience. Treatment options are available, but rarely cure the pain outright. Still, researchers and clinicians have made great progress in understanding this condition and potentially effective treatments.
I had only hit on one or two of these points when the coffee shop owner interrupted me to say she did not think the flyer was appropriate. I asked one more clarifying question: “Is it the content of my research or do you not allow any research flyers to be posted in your shop?” She replied like a broken record: “I just don’t think it is appropriate.”
I left feeling frustrated and sad. The attitude that this female shop owner displayed is exactly the reason why so many women with vulvodynia suffer in silence. Her attitude toward this population and the research associated with it fuels stigma toward female sexual disorders. It is part of the reason why women see on average five different physicians before receiving an accurate diagnosis. Many of the women I see share stories of being told the pain is “all in your head,” and they believe it.
Together with my collaborators at the Université of Montréal and the IWK Health Centre, we recently received over half a million dollars from the Canadian Institutes of Health Research to pursue two clinical research studies focused on women with vulvodynia and their romantic partners. Through their funding support, the academic community and federal government have acknowledged the importance of improving our understanding of, and treatment options for, this prevalent and distressing pain condition.
But first women and their partners need to know that they are not alone, that their pain condition is real and has a medical diagnosis, and that help is available. I would like to spread the word as widely as possible to reach “these kinds of people.” Starting with my local coffee shop. a
Dr. Natalie Rosen is a clinical psychologist and an assistant professor in the departments of psychology & neuroscience and obstetrics and gynaecology at Dalhousie University and the IWK Health Centre. She has worked in sex and couple therapy and studied vulvodynia for over 8 years. To participate in the research, contact PVDstudies@dal.ca or 494-4223.
This article appears in May 8-14, 2014.
Shared on my Facebook…thanks for all your wonderful work..and going what would be considered that extra mile
What’s the problem? A private business owner can choose to put posters about vulvas (to be flippant about it) on her walls, or not. Her choice. Not yours.
I know you’re trying to paint her as a prude by casting her as someone who talks about “*those* kinds of people”, but I bet she didn’t even say that, or you’re twisting her words.) So it’s *her*fault now that women don’t know about the disorder. Uh huh.
Your cause is a good one, but it sounds likes you’re being overbearing and obnoxious about it. The entire tone of your article says as much.
Everyone has their pet causes, but they don’t get to tell other people they have to support them.
Shop owner probably should not have responded, giving you something to work with. A simple no should have been enough for you or anyone else looking to stick their info up in a persons business.
Part of your problem is your choice of headline for your poster and other recruitment efforts. You have chosen to fixate on sex when other activities can be impaired by vulvodynia. “Do you have pain when walking, exercising or being intimate?” might get you a better reception. I understand your research is related to sexuality; perhaps you could wait to explain that when potential subjects contact you.
No kidding, it probably doesn’t help your cause that your advert sounds like a pop-up ad from a porn search.
It isn’t us, it’s you.
Suzie and Cranky, I don’t think her work or her poster is the problem at all. They are good things.
The problem is that she thinks because she is working for a good cause, she can be as pushy and overbearing as she likes with a private business owner, actually standing and arguing with them in their place of business when they have the nerve to decline her request.
And then, not satisfied with the outcome, she writes this article ostensibly to promote her cause, but plainly and clearly really intended to publicly shame and humiliate the business owner.
A woman, a psychologist, a sex researcher – in all ways very well versed in the knowledge that shaming people almost never helps, and always harms, and here she is publicly flogging someone for not doing what *she* told them was the only right thing to do. I mean, how dare they, right? It’s beyond hypocritical.
That’s the problem. She should be ashamed of using this article to make a personal attack on a stranger.
(Ooops, look at that, I just did it too.)
Her work isn’t the problem, and you’re right that she needs to work on her people skills. But man, that poster is harsh. Even the folks who push viagra have the common sense to be subtle about it. They’re aren’t making commercials that say shit like “Having trouble getting a hard on?” are they and yet that shit sells like hotcakes. I want to see a Tums advert that starts with “Got the shits?” next.
The National Vulvodynia Association offers support to women with Vulvodynia and related conditions including a physician referral list and regional support contacts. For more information please go to:
http://www.nva.org