Feels ironic to bitch about being called a bitch BUT: Would just love to say that I really appreciated being told to “get out of the way bitch” before getting elbowed in the boobs by an incredibly charming bouncer outside of a bar last Saturday. Your establishment is not one that I would normally frequent, and I do sympathize with the fact that you deal with drunk tweens all night, but I would quit it with the power trip. Just because you’re used to dealing with drunk 19-year-olds (of which I was neither) doesn’t give you the right to be a complete asshole. PS. Love the neck tattoo! Stars are so in. -Just Anotha Bitch
This article appears in Mar 27 – Apr 2, 2014.
A SHARP KICK TO THE BALLS
“Would just love to say that I really appreciated being told to ‘get out of the way bitch’ before being elbowed in the boobs by an incredibly charming bouncer outside of a bar last Saturday.” Just Another Bitch
Are you athletic? Bouncers, being the scum of the earth, understand only one thing – countervailing power. All he will understand is a sharp kick to the balls.
Return to the bar the following Saturday night, wearing your steel-tipped hiking boots. Create a diversion. While he is diverted, give him a sharp kick to the balls. Good luck.
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A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Ummm… go to bars much OB?Maybe share a glass of freshly-squeezed orange juice and a joint of Amnesia Haze with ole Neck-tats (got any jailhouse fantasies)?
THE NEED TO COPULATE: AN UNDERCLASS SCENARIO
I have given this bitch further thought and have come to the conclusion that it is the predetermined outcome of the presence of a large Halifax Underclass. In other words, viewed from a wider perspective, no one is really to blame, not the bouncer nor Just Anotha Bitch. Like so much else, it all goes back to biology. Let me explain.
Step 1. Driven by a subconscious yet irresistible biological urge to copulate and perpetuate the species, members of both sexes of the Halifax Underclass come together at the bar to sound each other out for that purpose. At the same time, having seen an economic opportunity, the bar owner opens a bar which will afford him a considerable income and, incidentally, afford a venue for the Halifax Underclass to mingle with the further aim of copulation.
Step 2. The distinguishing feature of bars generally, of course, is the presence of large amounts of alcohol. This, together with the pressure of the subconscious need to copulate, results in an explosive mixture. The bar owner feels it necessary to hire a bouncer to control the unruly Underclass elements.
Step 3. The bouncer, by definition, comes from an even lower level than the Halifax Underclass itself. He might, so to speak, be a member of the Halifax Under-Underclass, a step up from the primates. As is usually the case, he views the Underclass with a mixture of jealousy, grievance and disdain. He is not above – indeed rather enjoys – exercising brute force on them to which his position legally entitles him. This brings us to the particular Underclass Scenario at hand.
Step 4. Just Anotha Bitch views the bouncer with undisguised contempt which, of course, he registers even in spite of his diminished cognitive abilities. In the course of controlling an unruly Underclass incident, he says, “Get out of the way bitch” and elbows her in the boobs. Smarting both from the insult and the physical pain, Just Anotha Bitch writes a rather good ironic bitch on Bitch. the occasion for my further reflections. But what is the lesson here?
Step 5. Avoid bars which have bouncers. These are bars frequented by members of the Halifax Underclass. While the subconscious need to copulate is a given, one should attempt to raise the social level at which such a need can be fruitfully addressed. Church suppers or one of the better boat clubs on the Arm might be an idea.
Thank you.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!