You mother fk’in cheap bastards. You summon me to jury duty, of which step one is fill out this paper and send it back to us. Here’s a self addressed envelope…you supply the fucking stamp. Not bad enough all the aggravation and cost involved in performing my “duty”, your gonna suck some real fucking “money” out of me as well. Don’t get me wrong, I CAN AFFORD A WHOLE BOX OF FUCKING STAMPS…..you cheap fucking assholes. Go fuck yourself Judge Wapner….I’ll be there so you can’t throw my ass in jail you cheap pricks….and you patriotic political type nay-sayers can kiss my left nut.
Sincerely, Normal 98.5% of the Time…NOT this Time —LMH DOJ
This article appears in Feb 13-19, 2014.
I think the accused it supposed to be tried in front of a jury of his/her peers, I hope you’re in a jury pool that’s trying a fucking head case, like you’re coming across as.
I remember going to JD before….Lawyers took one look at me and said ” You’re excused, who’s next?
I hate to rub salt in the wound Sparky but, this is just the opening act. Having been required to attend court for a DUI case to testify for the prosecution, you are about to be introduced to the circus that is the Canadian Judicial System.
An entire day without pay to have a dangerous repeat drunk driver show up without Counsel. Then watched as the entire system contorted to protect this asshole (he came very close to killing me and a number of others the night in question). In the end, after tying up a full day of court time, the arsehole finally plead guilty. I didn’t even get called to testify.
As much as I am all for due process and accused rights, defence counsels use every stalling tactic and many repeat offenders are very system savvy. Some have no intention of reforming themselves and a lot of the process is a source of entertainment for them…might as well be, if you don’t have much else to live for. Anyhow, have fun with that you fine upstanding defender of accused rights. I’ll be commiserating with you.
Oh poor muffy, so ya got called to jury duty just like the other 200 called for each jury trial. Poor baby. Of course if YOU got charged, I bet you’d rather take your chances to get free with a jury of twelve rather than one judge.
Some repeat offenders need this, it’s quick and clean, environmentally friendly and I love the way the body rolls neatly to the right straight into the coffin.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pz98cNH5bJ4
I would do jury duty if called upon. May get excused as I would have no use for the perp and would request they go to the big house for life.
My employer would pay me for all days I had to attend jury duty (among other things) as this is written in my contract. Negotiate EVERYTHING people. Most places do not mind inserting things that MAY never happen but when they do you are covered. Sweet eh!
It’s me again, quiet day in Whoville. Sparky, if you do get selected…to ease your pain, look around the court room and think of the following anecdote related to me by a lawyer.
A high priced, successful, senior defence lawyer got a rare day off and to unwind, took his kids to the zoo. Just inside the gate the zoo placed their prized specimen front and centre. They proceed to the cage and see emblazoned above “Lion King of Beasts”. He looks down and is appalled to see the animal licking his own arsehole! He proceeds to a Zookeeper nearby and inquires…
Lawyer: So what’s up with the lion…not terribly regal behaviour.
Zookeeper: Oh that must have been the lawyer who came in earlier and got too close to the bars.
Lawyer: What does that have to do with anything?
Zookeeper: Well…the lion managed to grab on to him and pulled him through the bars…tore him apart…terrible really!
Lawyer: I still don’t get what the hell that has to do with anything!
Zookeeper: Don’t you realize man…the lion was trying to cover up the taste!
Is this thing on?…I hear you breathing?…What are you, an audience or an oil painting?
So cheer up sparky, it’s not all bad…just think of this during the interminable grind of the trial. Cheers.
Keep me posted on the stamp situation OP. Get it? Posted. Stamp. I kill me.
During selection just keep screaming “GUILTY” all through the process.
you can always tell them that you feel sorry for anyone fighting the system & will vote NOT GUILTY , so they get off ~:D
I got called for JD once but I was way too badass and stuff so the judge was like “woah, get this sinner outta here!” And then I said “Down with the man judge fuckwad!” and jumped up on the table and started playing electric guitar and all the girls ripped off their shirts and were wearing these super hot string-bikini’s. Everyone started to head-bang along with my guitar, even the judge. Then when I was done I smashed through the window and landed on my motorcycle and sped off toward the nearest pub to tell my biker friends about my awesome story.
and I was called for duty once and sauntered in, took my seat, stared right at the accused (innocent til proven guilty asshole) and took out my nail file and started making sawing motions across my throat while pointing at him and winking at him and twitching and snorting.
Eh. I also got called for jury duty once. I was just starting a new job and faxed the exception documents in and within like an hour the coordinator called me and said “no problem dude, you’re officially excused.” So NBD.
Alas, I’ve never gotten the unstamped self-addressed envelope.
i’m up for it
I also have never gotten a call to duty , lots of summons to appear, & or in my younger days brought in from the lock ups…but no one wants me on a jury …can’t figure it out ~;p