The false sentimentality of the holidays is already being hawked at the bovine masses with their fistful of credit cards twitching. Poor fools. While I celebrate the spirit of the holidays (which should be all year round), all the stress of the season can kiss my rosy red rump humps. There won’t be a tree, nor presents, nor decorations but I’m having one big honking meal for my single friends instead. Did it the last two years and it was the best Christmases ever. Free at last, free at last! —Christmas is For Little Kids Period. Coca-Cola’s 1930s Santa Says So..
This article appears in Oct 31 – Nov 6, 2013.
greetings earthling *waves*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZenBt8Q5KNM
Bovine? I think you mean ‘sheeple’.
My cc’s will be safe, unless my daughter finds out, but the only present I’m buying myself is the biggest buzzard to cook in the oven…will remind me of the one that got away while I was riding my bike and almost hit along the Bay of Fundy.
…. and this explains why you are single! You seem to be the only person talking stress and Christmas in the same sentence …. and it isn’t even Remembrance Day yet!
I absolutely dread the thought of Christmas.
Christmas isn’t a joyous season for everyone.
Op do you just kind of blather on or do you actually have a REASON to think that a day when you give a gift to people you care about is a bad thing?
Dinner for your friends is a wonderful gift. But that doesn’t mean that other gifts given in the spirit of gift giving are somehow less relevant or more ‘sinful’ or whatever fool word you choose to apply.
You know what makes my christmas wonderful? Two important milestones: That i get to spend it with the person I am about to become engaged to and we don’t have to spend it at an airport in order to be together. And that I am, in five short days, officially debt free. To me, that’s christmas. THIS YEAR. So? Am I going to turn down that sweet pair of Roots ankle boots I sense I might be getting from ma? HELL no. Do I expect them? HELL no. I asked her for a book and to save me a leg of turkey if we get there in time.
The problem with everybody, you included op, is that you make Christmas about some sort of expectation. You’re so wound up about it, you’re already talking xmas on the heels of halloween. Talk about frenzied.
Why not just fucking enjoy it? Whether you get lots, little, food, friends, a trip to mars.. whatever?
You are making this big deal about it not being about expectation by slamming your expectations all over the place. Why not just let it be what it is? Are you seriously going to lecture someone who is generous to you at this time of year? You SAY you will but i bet you won’t.
stop pretending you don’t appreciate things people do. It’s retarded and shortsighted and incredibly selfish. YES fucking selfish.
Of course this holiday is disgustingly greedy and commercialized. And then there’s you who CLAIMS you don’t care about gifts. Can’t there be a middle ground where you share, love and if you happen to give gifts, so fucking what?
Stop being that guy.
I have a pretty good idea who the author of this Bitch is (“rump humps” – heh heh heh) and all I can say is, for her and her family units she has A great idea. Note: I didn’t say “THE right idea” It’s what you make of it. Me – I love shopping for cool, fun presents for the folks I love. I budget all year long for what I spend. The only stressful part for me is stringing the lights on the tree, a process which never fails to remind me that I possess all the spacial acuity of a box jellyfish and that the closest I will ever get to the cockpit of a CF-35 is in 1/72 scale with a tube of Testors up my snoot. I thoroughly enjoy spending Christmas Eve dining on toothsome treats from the fine folks at President’s Choice and watching Alistair Sim say “Label,Label,Label” and strolling through Crichton Park looking at the lavish light show (for the folks who have the illuminated reindeer in their upstairs bedroom bay window – YOU RAWK!). As long as there’s a couple of war toys under the tree and my favorite Elvish warrior, Legolamb, shows up for dinner it’s all good. I even (Gasp. Blashphemy!) enjoy the much maligned Terrys Chocolate Orange.
Now , we’ll be having this discussion many times over in the next 8 weeks and the ructions and disagreements will be great sport. But the author of this Bitch is a great person, all 365, and that’s all that counts in the end.
Let me just add, that I only partake of the Terry’s Chocalate Orange when I am in a drunken stupor. I am not addicted to them. I sincerely apologize for the embarrassment I have caused. There is nothing left to hide. I feel 1000 pounds lighter now. There is still much work to be done. And God bless LTWWB.
Take a trip to Venezuela, they’ve solved the Christmas conundrum
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/05/v…
KISSING HER RUMP HUMPS
“While I celebrate the spirit of the holidays (which should be all year round), all the stress of the season can kiss my rosy red rump humps.” (Christmas is for kids period)
While I have never heard of magnificent labia referred to as “rump humps” before, I want you to know that I have an early Christmas present for you. There will be no need to bend over.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
I am actually mellowing and think the holidays are a good time…as long as you don’t get wrapped up into the shopping crap. Spend the time with your loved ones, eat way too much, and listen to the schmaltzy Time-Life Christmas miusic.
And don’t forget the booze. Sweet, sweet booze.
if i happen to get any chocolate oranges, i’m giving them all to zedman, i know how much he loves them. teehee
screw xmas… I’m with the hulk on this one.
http://www.littlestuffedbull.com/images/co…
ya’ll can lob those chocolate oranges this way
leaves too, if you have them
hah and cookies, right?
I’m going to eat last years traditional English Christmas pudding this Friday, smothered in rum sauce made the old fashioned way.
Chocolate oranges grow on the devil’s tree.
Try to take my after eight’s and you’ll be pulling back a stump.
a spurting stump at that i’ll bet.
I agree with op’s desire to opt out of the commercial aspect of Christmas. years ago I stopped gift exchange with partner for Christmas, birthdays, valentines day or any other event that makes retailers orgasm en masse.
however, I am a prolific present giver. I love it. just not when it is demanded of me.
I like having a tree – I cut my own from the back 40. I have a feast, because I love cooking and enjoy having people at my table. that’s it. the little ones get presents because I just won’t buck that trend.
people who get all stressed out about Christmas and its demands on them should just step aside. stop. don’t do whatever it is that stresses you. if you exult in Martha-ing all to hell and gone, go for it.
those longines commercials with the bitchy broad who turns up her nose at her present turn my stomach.
Think I’ll try to get someone a gift this year…MM, I will try to round up magnificent labia to put in your stocking hanging over the mantle. It will keep your face warm on these cold frosty nights.
Christmas is a loud obnoxious blast of glitter during the darkest time of the year. Think I’ll start working on my depression early this year.
Bovine masses? No, I think it’s just Bro Tim and some of his fellow alumni from Bovine University. Hi, Ralph!
Yo Reg if you need a co-dependent for the Holidays let me know.
^Reg My apologizes to your wife,I forgot your married.^
I was just joking about our co-dependance Christmas.
RSVP
: Klyde (11/06, 6:57PM)
Magnificent labia in a stocking hanging over the mantle? Well, thanks anyway Klyde, but it sounds a bit like a butcher shop to me. I generally like my magnificent labia situated between her creamy thighs spread widely apart (oh God) while awaiting my expert and extended cunnilingus preparatory to my full-bore thrusting not unlike that performed by Kitty’s Monstercock 5000!
But yes, you were right about keeping my face warm on these cold frosty nights, at least until my attention was re-directed to more vigorous and possibly procreative activities.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
RSVP
: MontrealMan (11/07, 8.46AM)
I forgot to tell you MM that the magnificent labia was attached to a voluptuous female, so make sure your stocking can handle an oversized stuffer for your pleasures. Can you handle that MM?
mm, you weren’t serious about trying to procreate were you? isn’t one of you enough for this world?
RSVPS
: Klyde (11/07, 10:36AM) & Good dog Molly (1:08PM)
That sounds like a very large stocking Klyde and I’m not sure if my mantle piece can support it. I can handle it, but I’m not sure about my mantle piece. Of course, as you might imagine, I’m willing to give it a go. You must remember that magnificent labia are everything, Klyde, everything.
Well actually Good dog, I was serious about trying to procreate and, what’s more, I was thinking about you – well more particularly your magnificent labia – which might bring my efforts to fruition. Would they be available? Do any conditions apply? Write back soon.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
I’d rather be surrounded by my family, the smell of a Christmas tree, Christmas specials playing in the background and multicoloured lights decorating my house than chilling with a bunch of single losers in a cramped apartment sipping cheap wine.
My family was so poor at Christmas time we had to use our gym socks for Christmas stockings.Our parents placed unwrapped Strand chocolates and an orange in our gym socks….That was some tastey Christmas chocolate with a hint of sneaker cheese…not.
Cool story bro…
my mom was a working widow for much of my childhood so by western world standards we were poor. I got charity clothes from the school nurse who was stricken by my lack of proper clothing. kind of embarrassing.
however, everyone I knew used their own socks. we would get an orange (which was a delight in the middle of winter) a couple of candies and some almonds. no gift cards for ipods or keys to cars. even the ‘rich kids’ used their own socks. washed of course. I don’t remember tasting dirty feet on my orange. and when my kids were little we were still using our own socks. I think the ‘bought’ mega sized socks came in about the time my grand daughter was born. 90’s. bigger socks, and much bigger expectations.
my best Christmas memory from being a kid was the bubble lights on the tree stand. I would lie on the floor for hours in the dark watching those things. it must have been cold and draughty, Winnipeg, mid winter, no carpets but I don’t remember any of that. I remember the magical lights.
memory is a selective thing wac.