DAY ARCHITECT’S OFFICE INTERIOR
A MAN in a dark suit stands at the head of a boardroom table. Other SUITS fill the seats.
SUIT
Gentlemen, this is a golden opportunity. Three
landmark buildings. Right downtown. Highly visible.
The potential to create an iconic hotel is at our
fingertips. But…
(BEAT)
….we need ideas. Not just ordinary ideas. We need
game changers.
Far down the table, a hand shoots up.
SUIT
Yes. Marty.
MARTY ARCHITECT
I see rectangles. Towering rectangles of red
brick. And mirror glass, and, and…..
SUIT
And?
MARTY ARCHITECT
Concrete.
SUIT
Eureka. You’ve done it again Marty. Draw up the
plans. Who knows, maybe, just maybe…..
(BEAT)
….the Russians will come back.
—Mmansk is prettier
This article appears in Pop Explosion.
I dunna get it.
http://sarabynoe.files.wordpress.com/2012/…
This is how it’s done properly:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyL5mAqFJds
You forgot to include the granola crunching hipster in the corner, resplendent in Birkenstocks and sox who cries ‘the view man, what about the view, oh the inhumanity’ he is immediately wrestled to the ground by the sprightly, but senile old quiff who represents the heritage wallahs ‘fuck the view you left wing pansy, think of the heritage, the buildings, the history, yon derelict shithole is where I had my first knee trembler, mein gott in himmel those sailors love to fuck’
Mike Saladressing bursts into the room and screams ‘progress, fuck that, not on my watch’
This skit brought to you courtesy of Noctunasalad and Guinness.
Halifax and progress cannot be used in the same sentence.
provided the tenants are of light build and relatively sedentary….
…worst script ever.
Definitely a low budget B-list film…
OP:
Perhaps someone will buy my pitch if i cleverly pretend that i’m not trying to pitch anything and just write a bitch in the coast about something I’m totally going to pretend is bothering me but actually isn’t. And (BEAT) I’ll write it as a script so that everyone sees just how brilliantly this will actually work. As an IDEA.
Yeah…. That only happens to people with talent.
What does (BEAT) refer to?
Dramatic pause
Maybe OP is more subtle than you think?
Poorly realized, lacking imagination and riddled with cliche.
Isn’t that the point being made?
Thanks Ivan. Glad I have people on here to explain things to me. You and the Zedster who helped with the banking bitch above.
I sure like the new avatar better reg. I changed mine too.
*wheeze* “Rosebud.”
This script/post is so fucking shite that CBC will make it into a 20 year series that nobody will watch, thereby justifying the $1.4 Billion we waste on those Suzuki loving wankers.
“Little Mosque on Barrington Street” starring Cathy Jones as the first female imam, Shaifa Yubush.
There’s a remake of The Beachcombers in the offing: Bruno Gerrussi character to be played by Rick Mercer, Relic will now be played by Tommy Mulcouldcareless, Pat John will be replaced with Punchy Patrick Brazeau and Molly will now be Margaret Twatwood or Dame Edna
OTHER QUESTIONS
While I agree with the sentiment of the bitch – the crass collusion between Marty the architect and the suit in the destruction of the historical patrimony of Halifax – I did feel that the script needed rounding out. Was there any illicit financial benefit to either party involved? Did they have a consensual homosexual relationship? What about the female presence? Were the architect and the suit both competing for access to her body? Were her labia magnificent?
I feel that these and other questions might have been explored to give the script dramatic impact. Maybe I should sign on as a contributing author.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Hoofing idea, Bazzer. The scripts practically write themselves. Svend Robinson and Scott Bryson as the perpetually bickering owners of a quaint little B&B. George Strongbowsyphilis as an insufferable greenpeace activist. A “very special” episode where Omar Khadr is released to a local halfway house (with guest appearance by Jian Gomeshi) Mike Duffy doing a cameo as the Exxon Valdez. Mary Walsh as a large putrefying mystery carcass that washes up on the beach at Gibsons.
Give me 20 seasons!
Ivan, put your screenwriting ambitions on hold, I’ve just heard the the RCMP have raided and closed down Molly’s Reach, apparently the mystery guest in room 5 turned out to be Ernie Bentdick MullofKintyre and he was swapping kiddie porn with disgraced former Prince of the Church Wayhayandupsherises.
tee hee memeriser. Op: identified.
And no. Because it still would have been clever. That’s how you identify clever. It’s clever.
Begging the question i know. But it seems like it had to be said.
Busted.
This whole posting-an-anonymous-rant-on-the-internet thing is harder than I thought.
I stand red faced and humbled before you.
I promise never to think again.