I hate you. I hate that your magnets aren’t strong enough to keep you in your rightful place in the bathtub, and how you always end up floating up and assaulting me in the shower. I try to battle you with water pressure, but you always sneak back up and wrap your gritty, thin wet plastic around my leg.
One day I’ll buy another shower curtain – of a heavier material – and then you’ll get yours. —Stop Touching Me
This article appears in Apr 29 – May 5, 2010.
to me there’s nothing more creepy ass than the slimy shower curtain touching you; agree OP 100% good bitch 🙂
Just a note: shower curtains can be washed and relieved of their sliminess.
This is the only bitch this week that’s actually given me a chuckle though.
I agree. The best thing to do is place a shampoo bottle in the middle, sort of hanging over the edge on the inside. No more attacking shower curtain.
priceless, they are cheap throw them out. i have a door on my shower and have always found closed shower curtains extremely creepy…damn you hitchcock
Awesome bitch! This morning my shower curtain decided to let go of two of the hooks. Then it attempted to cuddle up to me…..fucker! I’m sending this curtain straight to the trash when the new one arrives this week.
Oh…I know the type your talking about. That’s what happens when you pick a shower curtain up at shoddy joint. Just don’t drop your soap…
In Gulag, Kimnuchka, the soap drops you.
I dunno GOP, I bought this shower curtain from Crappy Tire that cost me $20 bucks… And before you go all “he’s got more money than brains” on me, this one has decent magnets, and it’s never gotten a lick of mildew on it. Not expensive, but I spent a little cash and got something I’m more than happy with.
In Canada too…if you’re a new recruit who needs encouragement–it’s delivered to your head via army issue sock.
Ah the blanket party. I read that when making Full Metal Jacket, Matthew Modine found Vincent D’Onofrio such a pain in the ass that he gave him a couple of extra shots and didn’t pull his punches when they filmed that scene. Stanislavsky would have been proud
The old: I’m sorry, did I hurt you? *hee hee*
Like saying how you really feel but adding Just kiddin’ afterwards to avoid getting a punch in the mouth.
well doc, i don’t think $20 is an excessive amount to spend on a shower curtain…especially if it’s something you use daily…hygiene peoples^^
OH FUCK! Shower curtain molestation!
I yell at my shower curtain on a daily basis to stop touching me, and mine was around $20 from Home Depot so I don’t think price has a whole lot to do with it. I’m due for a new one anyway, maybe I’ll just look for one made of a heavy tarp. grabby bastard.
It could be argued that parading around in the nude, all wet and lathery you were leading the shower curtain on. (Oh, I’m gonna pay for that one, yes I am…)
I gotta say this is possibly my favorite bitch ever… I had this issue but could only tolerate it for a few days before I had it arrested. It rcvd the death penelty and now resides in a dump. Hopefully all offenders will follow suit…
There are little clip on weights at the dollar store, meant to hold down table cloths on picnic tables in the summer but I have found they work perfectly for overly affectionate shower curtains.
the place that rhymes with BONER has a heavy duty shower curtain that costs $17 – not excessive, far better than a curtain enema!!
surely you initiated contact by tugging on it…
it’s like a daily dance with just you and it.
and perhaps someone else on occasion… oh my!
you can always use liquor store bags… ala randy.
But those types of showers have a tendency to be hauled away by a shitmobile.
ivan, you are just too much. but shower curtains can be held down easily, by using a cinder block, try it.
Because nothing says “good morning” quite like being gropped by a flimsey, damp sheet of plastic. Good morning, indeed.
I feel your pain, I was once just like you. This post made me chuckle, BUT, you are obviously buying your shower liner/curtain from a dollar store. Go to Winners (or somewhere like zellers, but I always go to Winners for this stuff) and spend and extra couple bucks to invest in a thicker liner. It’s really worth the extra $5-10!!