Oh, belly-button, why do you stink so? When I stick my finger into you it smells like the mouldy ass of a dead person. I shower every day, sometimes twice, but it is a deep hole. One time, my lover passed it on his way downtown and then coughed. It was so embarrassing! I hate you belly-button, why oh why must it reek so badly? —P.U. Stinkerson
This article appears in Aug 16-22, 2012.
it’s the organic nature of the veggies ya got growing in there, add a little chemical fertilizer instead. and lay off the fish emulsion.
Swab it with an alcohol based astringent prior to the love act, or have you partner apply Vicks or Tigerbalm under their nose, like coroners and CSI’s do before an autopsy.
ivan! you owe me a keyboard. snorted me coke all over it
>: )
*i smell dead people*
your pikachu must smell glorious
I think I see what you did there, chuck…
Q-tips….they’re not just for ears anymore.
Aaaand…I don’t even want to KNOW HOW you know what a dead person’s mouldy ass smells like.
See if that $200 an hr. dominatrix needs space to whip her poor toe-sucking morons to skin juice.
two words…
body shots.
^^^ with chunks?
switch to polyester if you’re getting ‘chunks’ (?wtf?) in your bellybutton.
it’s sad that I only just realized what was meant by going downtown…
I’m sitting here trying to figure just why or how his face is near your bellybutton walking down the street…
^^^ he’s really really short?
Ahhhahaha…you guys slay me!
1. Tell your boyfriend to STOP depositing his swimmers there to begin with. 2. STOP using the toilet brush to clean your hole. Problem Solved.
Crack filler. I mean the other crack filler.
Nasty on so many levels, OB. The solution: soap and water. And keeping it dry in there helps (as with all your cracks & crevices). Don’t you ever freshen up before going to town? It’s mandatory for me & anyone else involved.
and walking backwards?
bending to tie a shoe?
picking up found change?
believe me… it was a stumper for a few mins there.
and picking up found change?? oh gawd, oh gawd, all i can picture is that old joke about the car keys ‘we’ll drive outta here!’
I had an uncle who used to tell me when I was a kid that if you unscrew your belly button, you’ll fall apart.
He also used to say that dragonflies were actually called “Devil’s Darning Needles” and they flew around looking for unsuspecting children and if you weren’t careful, they’d sew your eyes shut.
Yeah. I pretty much lived in absolute fear for the first 10 years of my life.
^^ go see newest bitch, at least we didn’t act up in public.
i wouldn’t eat the white watermelon seeds, much less the black ones that grew into a watermelon in your belly. still can’t (you never know)
my aunt told me if i opened my eyes after going to bed a devil would come along with a long pin and poke them out.
i guess they went to the same school.
if it as deep and big as you say, then stick a couple dryer sheets in it.
you make a face, mom says” it’ll stay that way” i told the boy that he went “really” nope, like when you swallow a seed, be it lemon, orange, apple, you won’t grow a tree in your stomach
anti perspirant…. get some on your finger and wipe it around inside the belly button…. the aluminum oxide is toxic for the smell causing bacteria.
Whenever my mom would bake she’d tell me not to eat raw dough or you’ll get worms.
i remember that one! maybe because of the raw eggs???
however, do NOT eat raw bread dough. it really does rise in the stomach.
paingirl, are you POSITIVE about the tree one? i wouldn’t want to start swallowing, ahem, and take a chance…
i avoid swallowing them, so not convinced^^i know for a fact that you shouldn’t let your arms and legs fall outside the safe bed zone http://chzmemeanimals.files.wordpress.com/…
‘…that dragonflies were actually called “Devil’s Darning Needles” and they flew around looking for unsuspecting children and if you weren’t careful..’ – holy shit on a shingle, Avast, my best friend at age 6 told me that almost word for word – thanks to his grandpaw! I turned to puce jello every time I saw one when I was a kid – but I always secretly wondered if they sewed dresses at night.
OB, don’t take just one strategy. Use some mouth wash on it, mouthwash was can kill many different things on your feet, so it should work just fine on your belly button. Then, every other day, try some athlete’s foot cream, it will also kill a wide variety of foot and yeast infections.
But, most importantly, soap and water at every shower.
And, give your bf a blow job every once in a while.I am not sure what this has to do with it, but he will love you for it.
THE AMBIGOUS ONTOLOGICAL STATUS OF THE NAVEL
Well yes of course, the navel is what remains of the umbilicus connecting the fetus to the placenta but we’re not talking about that. The male navel is uninteresting but the female navel is altogether a different matter. Clearly, while positioned a bit high on the female body it is clearly an orifice and by definition, female orifices are intellectually intriguing and possibly the site of erogenous stimulation. True, the navel is not the same as the vaginal orifice or even the anal orifice but they shoud not be discounted on that score. Does the female navel have a sensory potential that approximates that of her vagina? Of her anus?
I cannot speak with any authority on this question but await responsible and knowledgeable input, so to speak.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Get yourself one of those airwicks disposable air fresheners.
Slip it in that gaping cavity you call your belly button & just open the lid when your partners around….everything can then smell like moutain breeze, or pine forest etc !
Nope, Moman…no sensory potential in my navel orifice. I checked it out myself. Pretty boring in there. Just a tiny horizontal scar from a scope during surgery. But, all around it is quite sensual…speaking from a female’s point of view. ( And no, I didn’t sniff my finger, in case any of you are wondering.)
I must admit, I have never heard of a stinky belly button, I know they make great lint catchers. The “downtown” reference threw me for a loop as well. I thought maybe they they were travelling together on the bus and he caught a whiff of the navel somehow.
Very unusual.
methinks the OP mistook his accidental cough for a judgement on her navel aroma. she may be body-embarassed. certainly if she is rooting around in there on a regular basis, she may become oversensitive about it. in the 60’s we call this ‘naval gazing’ . it may be called ‘get your head out of your ass’ nowadays.
no matter, this is one of the truly enterttaining posts here. i am mired in a huge data conversion project and my eyes are falling out of my head. beddy bye time.
I can’t believe no one asked if it’s an insie or an outie (sp?). Surely that must somehow be relevant (or worthy of discussion, even if not). Or is that implied based on the info given? Are there no qualified in-house navel engineers to resolve this? Perhaps the juice of a navel orange would help? BM’s dryer sheet idea best snorter so far.
must be an innie if it’s smelly. an outie would be open to the fresh air. not mold growing, fungus permeated cess pit of toxic fumes, as the delightful young lady bemoans.
and how can it be that this is the first time i have noticed that blow me’s initials are BM?
In my wildest dreams, I’d never thought that MM would fillossovize on belly button excrements.
OP
Winter will be here soon, start collecting your belly button lint to use it to knit yourself a swaeter.
OP … if this is for real and not something you wrote for shits and giggles … just go to the friggin’ doctor and your doc will tell you what to do to fix that shit up. If you don’t wanna go to the doc and instead wanna try something at home first … start with keeping it clean, rinsed and dry. You describe it as an innie … don’t just wash over it … make sure you get the fuck in there … and dry it with a hair dryer if you have to. And use some good diaper cream mixed with OTC yeast cream (a bit of each mixed in the palm of your hand), morning and night to clear up the yeast and/or bacteria that you probably have growing in there. If that doesn’t work … get yer ass to the doctor, ’cause I don’t know anyone who is happy to have a funky navel in their face.
MoMan … sorry dude, but you should stick with philosophy … it’s been a while since my last anatomy course, but I’m pretty damn sure the umbilicus is not an orifice.
It seems that MM can compare anything to sex and/or anything that is used for sex.I’m sure he must look at photo’s of his Granny back in the motherland and get a boner. No dis-respect intended towards Grannny MM.
OP
Are you an overweight person?How deep is your belly button that would make it sweat and stink so badly?
RSVPs
: Kontee McArseholz (08/16, 8:35PM)
“But all around it is quite sensual, speaking from a female point of view.”
Excellent, Kontee, good work. I was initially thinking of the female navel as it exists IN THE MIND OF THE MALE where he observes the slight but delightful pucker of fat around the entrance of the navel itself. Could it, he wonders, be another female erogenous zone, a question Kontee has resolved in the affirmative with her first-hand account. Kontee, would it be possible to compare the intensity of the navel’s sensuality with that of the vaginal labia? Of course, the clitoris is out of bounds as that would make the navel-labia comparison lop-sided but I’m willing to bet they, the navel and the labia, show up with comparable numbers of the erogenous scale. Write back soon.
: Senor Campana (10:38PM)
Well Senor, you must remember that it is not so much the object of such “fillossovizing” that marks the philosopher’s activity but rather the inquiring mind with which he does so. Consequently, one can philosophize about anything at all. One can even philosophize about you. It’s all a matter of putting the object under scrutiny into context and asking relevant questions.
: Persevere (08/17, 1:04AM)
“… but I’m pretty sure the umbilicus is not an orifice.”
“orifice, n. – aperture, mouth of cavity.” (The Concise Oxford Dictionary)
An interesting definitional question, Persevere. One usually thinks of an orifice as leading somewhere, having some sort of identifiable and meaningful termination but, if the COD is to be taken at face value, such need not be the case. So, how’s your orifice?
: Boru 1014 (1:19AM)
Well Boru, see my reply to Senor Campana above. But, depending on one’s conceptual background – think of Freudianism for example – I think you are right although I believe Freud did actually say, “Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.” So sometimes, even for Freudians, it’s not just a runaway game.
But what are you doing out of the sauna? Get back in now. I’ll be there soon.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
ahaha use some dial anti-bacterial soap or like that other person said, scope it out. It’s the bacteria that causes odors. Moman: I get no pleasure whatsoever from having my navel touched…in fact the opposite. If someone sticks their finger into my navel- it makes me feel naseated. I don’t know why, it’s like a physical reaction. It feels really uncomfortable. The labia on the other hand… s’aiight I guess. But dayum boyee someone really needs to teach you about the clit. And this question, “Does the female navel have a sensory potential that approximates that of her vagina? Of her anus?” really makes you sound dumber than a ball of bellybutton lint. Boyee, You really need to get laid.
A funky-smelling belly button…interesting. Maybe the notorious Jimmy Hoffa lies within? I’m calling Geraldo!
NAVEL TONGUEING OR: COMING WITH KUNTI
Thank you for your thoughts on the navel NF (08/17, 2:47PM) but they do not seem to square with those of Konti who has reported quite the opposite. Until proven otherwise, her experience of the navel as an erogenous zone will provide the basis for further research.
For some time I had been intrigued by a Howard Stern radio show which featured a female brought to orgasm by a female masseuse which, of course, eliminated any heterosexual interaction involved in the encounter. The one to be brought to orgasm lay on the floor of the studio, naked one assumes, while the masseuse stradled her from the top and got to work. It was, admittedly, a slow process. Howard kept up a friendly chatter on other matters while the masseuse kept up her labours but, after about 1/2 hour or so, groans of pleasure began to be heard off-microphone. And then it happened. She orgasmed right there on the studio floor. A tactile, non-vaginal orgasm has been achieved. Could the same, I wondered, be achieved by navel tongueing?
Fortunately a robust female by the intriguing but puzzling name of “Kunti” agreed to be my assistant. I explained that there was to be only one governing principle: patience rather than a reckless and profligate haste was to be the watchword. She was to lie down on the bed, fully clothed, and await my ministrations.
Lying next to her I slowly lifted up her dress, a gossamer, filmy confection, sufficient to expose her delightful navel. Her panties were untouched although, arousingly, they were slightly askew as though she had just emerged from a session of heavy petting. Her belly was firm and supple, tanned from her bikini-clad times on the beach. I became aroused.
From my small working case I selected several perfumed oils and unguents and, with my finger, slowly traced the opening of her pulsating orifice. She trembled slightly. “Oh, God,” she groaned. But, I reminded her, patience was the watchword.
At length I whispered in her ear, “Kunti, would you like me to tongue you now?” By this time her breath was coming is gasps but she did manage an audible reply: “Please, oh please Montrealman, do it now!”
Slowly I lowered my head to a point just above her navel and inserted my tongue. Initially I traced the opening of the orifice as I had done with my perfumed finger but then, with great tenderness and gentleness, inserted it deeper into the orifice until full extension had been reached. Kunti arched her back and thrust her pelvis forward, shouting “I’m coming, Montrealman, I’m coming!”
I sat back, tired but gratified. Success had been achieved.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
^^ hahahahahaha oh man, MM you are such a little putz!
did you write that in high school?
If anybody needs me I’ll be rubbing Tigerbalm into my eyes. >: (
“In my wildest dreams, I’d never thought that MM would fillossovize on belly button excrements.”
Senor, that reminds me very much of something that William F. Buckley once said :
“Norman Mailer decocts matters of the first philosophical magnitude from an examination of his own ordure, and I am not talking about his books,”
“oh gawd, oh gawd, all i can picture is that old joke about the car keys ‘we’ll drive outta here!'”
Back in my uni daze that joke involved the campus mattress and a bogged down motorcycle/sidecar combination.
“We can drive around til we see daylight”
MoMan … in human anatomy, I believe an orifice is considered an opening to another cavity in the body … which the umbilicus is not. My copy is in storage, but check out the Atlas of Human Anatomy by Netter (I believe that was the text I studied) … or some other such text that is actually written to cover the vast subject matter of human anatomy.
RSVPs
: Good dog Molly (0817 3:43PM)
Good dog, woud you like to be my assistant in my next experiment? I think I might be developing feelings toward you. Well, to be more specific, toward your navel which, I am sure, is magnificient and to which I am drawn without the possibility of redemption. Good dog, I long without reservation for your navel or, if it comes to that, your labia. The choice, of course, is yours. Let me know asap.
: Ivan Sonofabitch (5:34PM, 5:39PM, 5:50PM)
Clearly a tortured soul. Three posts! There’s something going on, but what? Ivan quotes Buckley on Mailer to the effect that Mailer’s thought is shit but is this an accurate or even a credible position or, rather, is it an unsuppoted reflection of Ivan’s deepy consevative beliefs? Ivan then descends into an incoherent ramble about
his car keys and a campus matress which all sounds rather down-maket, not to say very questionable in sexual terms, but I will not pursue it here. What isn’t clear is Ivan’s position on bringing the female to navel-orgasm. What exactly would your postion be on that Ivan, and no cheap “undershots” if you know what I mean.
: Persevere (6:47PM)
I want to study your textbok of human anatomy together with you Persevere. The reason I want to do this is because I detect within myself clear and unmistakble sexual feelings toward you. Would you want to experiment together? Write back soon.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
“What isn’t clear is Ivan’s position on bringing the female to navel-orgasm. What exactly would your postion be on that Ivan, and no cheap “undershots” if you know what I mean.”
Take and hold the high ground, or there’ll be the devil to pay.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-IAKMLW0l6gM/Tc72…
MM, ordinarily don’t find enough in your comments to spark my interest, but since my name was mentioned…afraid you have missed the reference to a common ‘in-joke’ that Ivanovitch and I shared…and of course, since it is an ‘in joke’ we won’t be enlightening you. apologies and all that, old sod.
and you may want to second thought any incipent sexual curiosity about my umbilicus, it is fraught with stretch marks, wrinkles and sags. indeed, because of my extreme age, it may smell a bit fusty.
may I mention briefly a strategy of old to avoid rape? the female should void her bladder or, ideally, her bowels to dissuade the cretin who is assaulting her. many women would find that too high a price to pay. i, on the other hand, deem it a good bargain.
MoMan, considering we have not met and you are not acquainted with my physical appearance I have to wonder what vision appears when you have these “clear and unmistakable sexual feelings”. Forgive me for generalizing – I will based on my knowledge of men – but, I know of no man that has sexual urges without a vision.
So, MoMan, what is your vision of me? Beyond that vision, what of my identity as Persevere has provided further fuel for these sexual feelings? What is the hypothesis for our experiment? Is it your expectation that we will prove or disprove said hypothesis?
I await your reply, MoMan.
MM
**would**
not
“woud”
Lol
Sam Elliott, that man has such a sexy voice along with the handlebar stash Oohh nice.
Two nice things I can say about my ex are he gave me my son and he has a nice deep sexy voice like Sam.,but the ex had a beard.
Yeah, – It’s a physical impossibility for Sam Elliot to NOT be cool. For afficionados, here’s his soliloquy about holding the high ground from Gettysburg:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzZOp-nPho8…
Take careful notes Montrealman – General Buford’s tactical acumen applies equally well to the rumpled bedsheets of Lachine as to the rolling hills of Pennsylvania.
…and, it must be pointed out, that in a film infamous for really fake facial hair stick-ons, his ‘stache is the real McCoy.
RSVPs
: Ivan Sonofabitch (08/17, 8:33PM)
“Take and hold the high ground…”
Excellent advice on military tactics Ivan, but ambiguous and therefore questionable in the case of bringing the female to navel-orgasm. Where, exactly, would the “high ground” be”? Measured vertically from the floor, the high ground would depend on her height while, in the case of a delightlfully tubby female, the high ground would be measured from the horizontal, i.e., from the level of the bed. There is, of course, the further question as to whether the military metaphor lends itself to achieving navel-orgasm at all. I realize that for you the military metaphor lends itself to achieving regular orgasm but its relationship to the navel-orgasm in the female is unclear. Perhaps you can clarify this further ambiguity. Write back soon.
: Good dog Molly (9:11PM)
“Stretch marks, wrinkles and sags”? Well yes, Good dog, that does give one pause. However, if your private joke with Ivan – the one about the matress and car keys – related to your achieving navel-orgasm then he might be interested in giving it a go. Good luck.
: Persevere (10:58PM)
An excellent response Persevere, one that requires considerable reflection. The operative principle in cases like this – the discovery of sexual feelings toward one (you) who one (me) has never met – relates to the projective powers of the mind.
As with the others on this site I listen with my mind for a picture of their minds at work in their words they write. For the most part this is a “quick study” – I use the phrase in what I mantain is its original meaning, that of being shallow and even mindless person as opposed to its current usage suggesting quickness of mind or even intelligence. In any case, even your pseudonym suggests fortitude, certainly not a negligible quality in general but, in the case of the female, it has the potential to be sexually arousing.
My vision of you is, of course, closely bound up with my conception of your identity – in fact the two concepts may well be construed as themselves being the same. The vision is of one who is vigorously youthful, one who is clear of eye and clean of limb yet not averse to sexual experimentation and exploration. One, you might say, is always “up for it.”
This vision of you feeds into my hypothesis in respect to the experiment which we might conduct together, one not dissimilar to that which Kunti and I recently undertook, i.e. the achieving of the female navel-orgasm. However, if you insist, I would not turn my nose up at regular vaginal orgasm.
I would be very interested in learning your feelings about this, Persevere. You know that I will be up for either one. Write back soon.
: Boru 1014 ((08/18, 1:20AM)
I missed “woud” but did note “deepy” in my reply (08/17, 8:14PM) to Ivan. Why did you miss this Boru? I think it’s because you’re probably spending too much time in the sauna. But do not worry. I will be joining you shortly.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
MoMan Boy you is one sexually deprived frenchman! Why don’t you go at OB’s bellybutton? Sounds like she’s got a treat in there for you.
well MM, praise the lord and pass the ammunition, it appears to have worked. whilst i was not aiming as low as ‘give one pause’, i shall take it.
let me give another anecdote. centuries ago, a convent in the holy land was invaded by odourous ruffians. the abbess met them in the courtyard, and graciously invited their ostensible leader to her salon and to partake of fine wine and figs before sacking the place and raping her charges. he agreed. seated upon low divans, they sipped and chatted of current events. the abbess then asked the boor if he knew of the magical balm for which the convent was famed. he said he did not. she reached into her robes and brought forth a small vial. she told him that it protected the wearer from injuries, and offered to spread some on his neck, and that she would demonstrate, if he liked, by rubbing some on his throat, then slashing at it with his own sabre. the cur laughed and rolled around holding his sides, for despite his limited intelligence and intake of wine, he was not a total fool. the abbess was unperturbed. well then she remarked, i shall demonstrate on myself. so saying, she rubbed a small portion of the balm on her throat, raised her chin and told him to take a hearty swipe at her neck, she had no fear, none at all. the magical balm would save her. so impressed with her calm, certain demeanor, he raised his sword and swung. off went her head. aghast at what she was willing to do to avoid his repugnant advances, he staggered back into the courtyard, dragged himself onto his camel, and departed. and lest anyone mistake her fate, the magical balm did, indeed, save her.
power back on, sam looks very similar to one of our beloved bitches. woof woof http://images.wikia.com/marvelmovies/image…
MoMan, unfortunately for you I must decline your offer to experiment. You see, with the right man, I know what my body is capable of achieving; so if I had agreed your hypothesis would require adjustment. It would become an experiment to determine if you, MoMan, are capable of stimulating my mind and body in a way that the female navel orgasm is achieved.
I also believe you have previously declared – more than once – that you are a married man. Shame on you, MoMan, for your attempts to entice multiple women to participate in activities that you should be enjoying with your wife. Perhaps it would be more appropriate for you to conduct this experiment with Mrs. MoMan; provided, of course, she does exist in human form separate from yourself and is not simply your right or left hand.
It would have definitely been your pleasure, MoMan.
Cheerio!
MM
I didn’t notice your incorrect spelling of “deeply” as “deepy” due to the late hour I read your reply to Ivan Sonovabitch.I probably should have been sleeping.
Ivan Sonovabitch
Noted my incorrect spelling of “stache” as “stash”. 🙂
RSVPs
: Ivan Sonofabitch (08/18, 8:54AM & 9:11AM)
When Boru posted (1:31AM) making reference to Sam Elliott (two t’s) I had no idea who he was and assumed the reference was for someone else. However, your comment not only referred to Sam Eliot (one t) but also to one General Burford both of whom, judging by your link, appeared in some movie or other. It seems is time to get your film-fantasy life under control Ivan and face your reality squarely. Come to think of it, this – your reality – probably the reason you are a film-fantasist in the first place. How’s Dartmouth?
:no_fool (9:40AM)
I think we should make a clear distinction between the poster with the stinky belly-button and Kunti’s delightful and fragrant orifice, NF. Not all navels are created equal.
: Good dog Molly (9:46AM)
Your anecdote gave me pause, Good dog. The lout’s, advances were repugnant, I suppose but repugnance is a subjective sort of thing. So for that matter is “virtue.” Was her virtue of such paramount importance that she would have her head cut off to preserve it? I mean, my God, it’s just a penis. She does come on as a bit of a prude, don’t you think? Anyway, I assume you were referring to Ivan, the lout.
: Persevere (11:16AM)
Well Persevere it’s true that it would become, as you say, an experiment to determine if I were capable of stimulating your mind and body in a way that you would achieve the navel-orgasm. But from my perspective, as a researcher in these matters, of inestimably greater significance is your ability to achieve one. I’m suprised Persevere, that you have taken such an unprofessional attitude. This was, after all, the object of the experiment.
Bill Clinton once famously said after depositing a deposit on Monica Lewinsky’s blue dress, “Ah never had sex with that woman.” I believe the same could be said about Montrealman in respect to bringing about your navel-orgasm. Penetration is everything in these matters Persevere, and the tongue doesn’t count. Marital fidelity was preserved unless, of course, you adhere to an extended definition of fidelity.
: Boru 1014 (11:32AM)
Yes Boru, you probably should have been sleeping. Either that or resting in the sauna. I will be by shortly.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Dartmouth is a great place in which to have an, at best tenuous, grip on reality. Soooo, that whole film-fantasist thing is actually working out quite well for me. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to join Col. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain and the heroic lads of the 20th Maine in defending Little Round Top
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqT8PMBtIKI
RSVP
: Ivan Sonofabitch (08/18, 7:02PM)
“Dartmouth is a great place in which to have an, at best tenuous, grasp on reality.”
I think you’re on to something here, Ivan. I think you’re asking, in effect, what is the ontological status of Dartmouth? What, exactly, is Dartmouth? Yes, we all know that there is a concentration of marginal people there and, of course, a collection of utterly undistinguished buildings but does it have an ethos, a “soul” if you will? Could you provide some sort of substance to the concept of the soul of Dartmouth, Ivan? A difficult question, of course,
And then we come to the question of the residents themselves. Who is a Dartmouthian? How exactly, would he be characterized? Is the fact that he has only a tenuous grasp on reality a consequence of the diminished physical environment of Dartmouth itself or, rather, is his tenuous grasp on reality a product of a history of some sort of genetic “untergang” which has resulted in his collective enfeeblement? Do they live in a sort of cognitive shadow world in which truth is indistinguishable from falsehood, goodness from evil and beauty from ugliness? In other words Ivan, does the Dartmouthian subsist, like Dartmouth itself, is a sort of depressed surrealist twilight zone?
Write back soon with your reflections.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Interestingly enough I’m currently perusing an antiquarian tome entitled “To Serve Dartmouthians”
Oh. Dear. God. It’s a cookbook
IT’S A COOKBOOK!
MM
“Bill Clinton once famously said after depositing a deposit on Monica Lewinsky’s blue dress, “Ah never had sex with that woman.” I believe the same could be said about Montrealman in respect to bringing about your navel-orgasm. Penetration is everything in these matters Persevere, and the tongue doesn’t count. Marital fidelity was preserved unless, of course, you adhere to an extended definition of fidelity”.
Although penetration did not occur oral sex is still sex..
oral sex
Definition of oral sex
noun
sexual activity in which the genitals of one partner are stimulated by the mouth of the other; fellatio or cunnilingus.
Taken from the Oxford Concise Dictionary.
You could say the naval is not a part of your genitals but neither are your feet and they are still considered a part of your “erogenous zone” . I’m sure there have been people that have been brought to orgasm by stimulating their feet.
Unless you and your wife have an ‘open’ marriage you would be commiting adultry with Persereve.
MM
“When Boru posted (1:31AM) making reference to Sam Elliott (two t’s) I had no idea who he was and assumed the reference was for someone else.”
Who did you think I was talking about?
RSVPs
: Ivan Sonofabitch (08/18, 8:20PM)
Exactly my point, Ivan. This is as far as it goes with Dartmouth and, by extension, with Dartmouthians themselves.
: Boru 1014 (9:28PM)
Thank you for your thoughts Boru. Before getting to the question of adultery I would like to expand a bit on the topic of Bill and Monica to which I have given considerable thought. It is true that he deposited a deposit on her blue dress and this was the result of Monica having fellated him but the interesting activity, at least for me, is what came after. It relates to Bill’s inserting the cigar ito Monica’s vagina.
For easier and more accurate insertion, Monica must have climbed up on the Oval Office (!) desk and assumed a position on all fours with her legs slightly but sufficiently apart. In addition to having removed her panties prior to the encounter and having waxed, she must also, by this time, have self-lubricated such the cigar would not chafe. Bill approached from the rear and tossed up Monica’s skirt, baring her magnificent, substantial buttocks. With his left hand Bill reached in and separated Monica’s labia and, with his right, inserted the cigar. Monica groaned with pleasure. Bill then slowly moved the cigar in and out, mimicking the movement of the penis in sexual intercourse. Monica, being a young robust wench, soon came.
But here is the question, Boru. Since the cigar would still have had its cellophane wrapping on – a bare cigar would, I believe, have stung Monica’s vagina – the brand would still be identifiable. I’m guessing it would have been a top-of-the-line hand-rolled Cuban panatella but I could be wrong. Any thoughts on that, Boru? Now to the question of my adultery.
Look at that machine in front of you, Boru. What is it? That’s right, it’s computer. When you turn it on you enter the cybernetic world which is to be distinguished from the real world. Are you still with me, Boru? I noted, but didn’t comment on, Persevere’s literal-mindedness. To my astonishment she took my activities with Kunti in the cyber-world as beng in the real-world, at face value, but they were, of course, only Montrealman’s having his bit of fun in the cyberworld. Larking around, if you will. Unlike Monica who lived in the real world, Kunti existed only in the cyberworld. I concluded that Persevere must either be very young or, more probably, had neither imagination nor sense of humour, a common failing with the female in general as I am sure you will agree. However Boru, it seems that you might be slipping dangerously close to sharing Persevere’s failing. In your case Boru, it is not as excusable. Write back soon with your thoughts.
; (9:46PM)
Boru, look at your sentence again. Now, change your “to” to “for.” Now, Boru, do you see the difference? Do you see that my reference wasn’t to Sam Eliott, about whom I know precisely nothing, but rather to another unknown commenter to whom you were directing your own comment? It was that person Boru, in respect to whom I was unaware. You do see that, don’t you Boru?
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
MM
If Bill brought Monica to climax using a thick Cuban Cigar then good for her,if she consented to having the thick Cuban Cigar inserted into her vagina.I questioned your refernce to a Cuban Cigar because Cuban Cigar’s are illegal to import into the U.S.I’m not so naive to think that Bill Clinton was an honest President.He was commiting adultry while on his desk. I’m sure she got more than a dirty dress out of a quik fuck in the Oval Office.
Yes cyber space and reality ARE two seperate entities but both sexes can sit in front of the computer(easier for a male) and masturbate while watching a woman do the same in cyber space.Somewhere that female is a real breathing person.In fact no flesh on flesh action occured; I believe he was “mindfully” commiting adultry. You would be doing the same if this was you MM.
“I questioned your refernce to a Cuban Cigar “
The real reason why Castro opposes normalization of relations with The United States. Also, they named a street in San Francisco after him.
Jesus, I don’t know how people can smoke Cuban Cigar’s,I tried one once felt like my lungs were burning.
I found Cuban’s don’t stink as badly as cigarettes.
RSVP
: Boru 101 (08/18, 2:48PM)
Good afternoon Boru. Your two points, the Cuban cigar and your charge of my “mindful adultry” will be addressed. (By the way, there’s no “e” in “adultery”
so if nothing else you will have learned to spell the word.)
I am conjecturing that Bill used a cuban cigar PRECISELY BECAUSE THEIR IMPORT WAS BANNED IN THE US. Bill was a sybarite and would have used only the best. Boru, you must remember that, in the words of Groucho Marx, “A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.” I’m sure Bill kicked back and enjoyed his honey-dipped cigar at his leisure.
Regarding your charge of my “mindfully committing adultry” I can only repeat, in addition to the fact that Monica belonged to the real-world and Kunti only to the cybernetic, that it was “only Montrealman’s having a bit of fun.” You sound like fundamemtalst zealot – “If thine eye offends thee, pluck it out!” – type of person. In my view this distances me entirely from Bill who was “having a bit of fun” as well but not in the same way as me. If this offends your bluestocking views than I’m sorry but I have no intention in being the star in your Salem witchcraft trial in reverse.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Not Marx, Professor. Neither Groucho, nor Zeppo, nor Karl. It were Kipling.
http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Betrothe…
And – from “Road to Mandalay”
‘”an’ I seen her first a smokin’ on a whackin’ white cheroot
‘an’ a wasting Christian kisses on an ‘eathen idol’s foot”
Had a thing for ceegars did Old Rudyard.
MM
**ADULTRY** Got it.Thanks
I understand Montrealman is a “persona”,and it’s that persona that wants to cure his needs, not the real man that pen’s MM. I seemed to have touched a nerve,are you angry at me MM?for you to resort to name calling? :(… I assure you MM I am not a prude,in fact I’m pretty open minded.I’m just having some fun, as well.
Are you sure MM there’s not a little Bill Clinton living inside of the real person behind MM?Can the man behind the character or persona MM separate his sexual feelings from MM’s? I’m sorry I upset you MM,you can cry on my shoulders if you would like?
But wait….I hear something….a thousand tiny violines…. Lol
RSVPs
: Ivan Sonofabitch (08/19, 5:34PM)
I knew someone was going to google that quote – I assumed it would be one of my prudish stalkers – but, to my suprise, it was Ivan. For shame Ivan, for shame. Anyway, I was close.
: Boru 1014 (5:56PM)
“Can the man behind the character or persona MM separate his sexual feelings from MM’s?” (Boru)
This raises a very interesting question, Boru, but one not restricted to my (or MM’s) sexual feelings which, in any case, were not on display in “Tongueing the Navel” or at least I don’t think so. There are two worlds here, the Realworld and the Cyberworld, but the separation is not always clear. Admittedly, I confounded your “adultry” charge with a Realworld accusation – I attributed it to your deep-seated jealousy of my activities with Kunti since I know you lust after me – while, in the same way Persevere, my literal-minded, leadfooted, slow-witted, prudish stalker, confounded my Cyberworld activities with my Realworld um, me. I have reflected upon this, Boru, and have generated the hypothesis which I have entitled:
“THE POROSITY OF THE BOUNDARIES: FROM THE REALWORLD TO THE CYBERWORLD AND BACK.”
It has a nice ring to it, don’t you think? While my hypothesis is understandably only in its infancy, I think the central and guiding question is clear. It relates to the characteristics of the Cyberworld generally and to its manifeststions as found in Bitch in particular.
The schema, if you like, takes the form of a continuum with the actual Realworld on the extreme right and the Cyberworld itself on the extreme left. Very few people live exclusively in one or the other. In between the two extremes are the various combinations and permutations which on the right, tend to a Realworldish view of things and on the left to a Cyberworldish interpretation of the same things and – this is important, Boru – IN THE SAME PERSON. Put differently, the schema reflects the centrality of the imagination, or lack of it, in the construction of one’s reality.
In addition to the schema itself is the relationship of the Cyberworld to the Realworld. Fundamental, in my view, is the over-turning of Realworld conventions. This is most obvious in the common use of the word “fuck” and its various combinations which, in the Realworld, tend to be unacceptably vulgar. But the over-turning of Realworld conventions is by no means limited to the usage of “fuck.” Other Realworld conventions, particularly those related to the depiction of the sexual organs and their use have, at least in my case, been a pronounced object of Montrealman’s Cyberworld reflections, scrutiny and, of course, his penetrating, thoughtful and artistic essays.
But is there a recursive movement here? In Montrealman’s graphic depiction of the Realworld’s sexual organs and practices, does the Realworld Montrealman (i.e., me) become horny? It’s hard to say with any degree of certainty. There might be a touch of lascivious titillation in Montrealman “having his bit of fun” but “horny” sounds a bit too strong for the Realworld me to experience. But then again, I’m not sure.
Further reflection and possible third-party input is obviously both necessary and desirable.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Never undervalue the benefits of a good liberal arts education.
am I the only one still disturbed by the fact that, while porking the missus, she yells out MontrealMan?
Not Annie, or whatever the fuck his douchey name is…
MontrealMan?
just wow.
well ZZZ I guess his one good point is that he stays in character.
RSVPs
: Ivan Sonofabitch (08/20, 9:16AM)
I don’t Ivan, I don’t. But was this just an abstract injunction on your part or did you have anyone particular in mind?
: FireRagez (10:18AM)
There’s only one capitalized letter in Montrealman, you half-wit.
: Good dog Molly (10:26AM)
“Consistency” is my middle name, Good dog.
But I was meaning to engage with you when you popped up again since your last post on this thread (08/18, 9:46AM) where you recounted your anecdote about the nun suffering being be-headed rather than surrender her “virtue.”
I have thought about this further Good dog, and have come to the conclusion that it is little more a thinly veiled male-hating androphobic rant. I hadn’t taken you for a shrill hysterical prude Good dog, but it seems that I have to revise my opinion. It would be interesting to hear just what your “virtue” means to you. Do you regularly experience rape fantasies? Were you abused as a child? Did you have relations with a crude, sexually insensitive barbarian?
There’s a lot going on here Good dog, and I think we all deserve the full story. Write back soon with your thoughts and diagrams where possible.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!
Well as long as one’s mental faculties haven’t been addled by age, excessive cognac consumption or whippet fur – a good liberal arts education allows one to appreciate the finer things in life. Like that classic Marx Brothers film – The Man Who Would Be King:
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eHp-bJsA4pU/T02j…
Is that Christopher Plummer as Groucho?
MoMan is fine but MontrealMan isn’t?
and you said consistency is your middle name?
fuck you douchemaster general of the poutine-ville parade.
“Is that Christopher Plummer as Groucho?”
And who knew Michael Caine played Harpo?!
Um, OB, question: do you actually wash INSIDE your belly button? Simply washing outside of it isn’t gonna help.
Take a q tip, put an alcohol wipe around the tip and shove it in there. Twist a few times and you should be good.
If it’s that stinky (which certainly isn’t the norm), do this a few times a day… or go see a doc. You may have a fungal infection. *shudder*
Zed, he is consistently a narcissist.
RSVPs
: Ivan Sonofabitch (08/20, 9:16AM)
Ah, so it was just an abstract injunction.
But nonetheless, would you say that “good liberal arts education” would generate such a profoundly absurd question as, “Is that Christopher Plummer as Groucho?” I mean, think of the staggering mindlessness of it.
: Firerages (12:55PM)
“MoMan” is used only by my favoured intimates, not by dribbling half-wits like you.
: Persevere (2:14PM)
Ah, so there you are, Persevere. Been listening in, have you? Did you catch my remarks about you (9:09AM) to the effect that you are a “literal-minded, leadfooted, slow-witted, prudish stalker” who confounded by Cyberworld activities with Kunti with the Realworld me?
Do you have any thoughts about that, dear? Could we meet somewhere in my Cyberworld to see what can be done? I have an excellent track record and promise complete satisfaction.
A pleasure as always.
Cheerio!