I’m inspired by a previous bitch to have a little rant of my own: Girls, they are something else sometimes…and then other times, its truly amazing how easy to please they are…case in point, I know this girl, her “man” who doesn’t want a relationship it would seem, treats her like an appliance you can turn on and off. Cancels at the last minute, doesn’t bother to make a plan till the last minute, put her through a roller coaster of emotions…one single night he shows her some attention and everything is grand again…until the next time he decides he can’t be bothered. Amazing. —The One Who Sees it Go On Time and Time Again
This article appears in Mar 25-31, 2010.
It takes years, decades sometimes for some women to move beyond the bad boy image.
Yeah, for some strange idiotic reason they like it.
A friend went out with a girl who had been abused previously by an ex. She ended up breaking off with him because he treated her too nice. Is this fucked or what?
So cliche I know, but it’s also so true:
NICE
GUYS
FINISH
LAST!
Women don’t want a guy who treats them well and brings them flowers, tells her he likes her and thinks she’s beautiful, calls them back, etc. They want a guy who at least pretends he doesn’t care, treats them like crap, keeps them “on edge,” etc. Women like a challenge I guess. I see this with both female friends and family members. Christ, even my nearly 60 year old mother still fawns over the “bad boy” types – guys who say they’ll call but never do, guys who just want to use her for… you know… ahh God, what the hell am I saying, eeewwwww! BAD MENTAL PICTURE, MUST PUKE NOW!
that my friends, is no way to treat any lady, married or not. most males disgust me, and for this main reason.treat the women nice, and they can be your biggest ally. right ladies?
The problem, IMO, is most girls are raised to be submissive, indecisive, and dependent and – as adults – will put up with shit because it’s how they were programmed to behave. Some break out of it as they get older, some never, and some flip back and forth.
I think 95% of parents need to rethink how they are raising their girls (well, truthfully, their children on the whole). Today’s marketing is simply making girls more insipid and bitchy rather than resolute and strong, and seeing how many people use TV as a parenting strategy, kids don’t have a hope in hell.
There’s more, but that’s long enough for Monday morning…
Monday morning advice from Miss Ruby:
1) Girls: stop throwing yourselves at asshole “bad boys” who treat you like crap
2) Guys: stop throwing yourselves at bitchy “hotties” who treat you like crap.
Two paths that lead to ONE end result: PAIN.
My Hubby is the sweetest and nicest man on earth who showers me with love and affection 🙂 I love him to death. And, because he’s nice to me, I’m nice to him and shower him with love and affection 🙂
I agree with Ruby.
HOWEVER, for some women there is such a thing as “too nice.” It’s called “clingy.”
I dated a guy who seemed like his whole world revolved around me and was super clingy. Sure he was “nice” and everything, but it got on my nerves. There has to be some balance of your partner having some semblance of a life besides you (i.e.: he doesn’t live for you) and affection, and A LOT of nice guys just put too much into their partner and a lot of times expect the same. THAT’S why a lot of nice guys finish last.
Its not that nice guys finish last… Women like a man… And when your “nice” (which I think is the wrong term) to the point of being either a wuss, or overbearing/clingy, thats when you finish last. I’m quite “nice” to my woman and I certainly have not finished last. But you still gotta make her feel protected, fix shit, and for gods sake be able to change a tire/oil etc…
I also agree with PK and RJ… As usual…
Maybe he’s hung like a mule.
“Nice” is perhaps not the right word—it doesn’t really mean anything, except that it can be misused to mean “doormat” or “spineless” or a word I really hate: “wussy.”
What men and women should really be is “nice” as in kind, caring, ethical, emotionally stable, responsible, etc., . . . but also smart, capable, confident in themselves, knowledgeable about who they are and what they need (this is the most difficult one), honest, firm in their convictions, etc.
Sadly, some people mistake being “nice” to others having to be “mean” to themselves. And this never turns out well for anyone.
It’s not that “nice guys finish last” — but doormats certainly do.
Look at the divorce rate. In many cases, one person leaves because they just can’t stand the person anymore. But they often admit “I knew he/she was bitch/abuser/bimbo/golddigger/psycho when I married him/her.”
Soooooo . . . maybe if people stopped all games of “I thought I could make him/her change” or “I thought they would stay the same 18-year-old forever . . .” then we wouldn’t get into so many of these messes.
Expanding on Threes point about girls being raised to be submissive, indecisive, and dependent.
First off, this is completely true and I’d like to add that on the flip side it can be hard for a dominant, decisive, and independent woman to date because apparently a lot of men want someone who’s weaker than them in more ways than one. Most of the time these women are perceived as bitches, when if they were a man, they would just be seen as normal. Also every woman who grew up with a brother is aware of all this from childhood. The differences between how boys and girls are raised are most obvious when your younger brother is allowed to steer the motorboat but you’re not.
fizz, I don’t know many guys who want the girl to play the traditional ‘man’ role.
A modern role is nice… split things, share the previously considered male duties of driving, paying for everything, all that…
I think guys would be quite a bit put off if it were completely reversed.
I know I’d feel emasculated.
Yady, ya… some are amazing some fall short…anyways Hi-ja-ck
I’ve notice Robyn’s “featured” profile on Halifax Match. She must be the new queen of the bitch board as well. I wounder…
all this could be alleviated if people were just HONEST about why they don’t want to date someone. God why is that so hard?
I know/knew many girls like that and it’s sad. And I was one of them at one point. I don’t really know why I would take mental abuse like that. This was years ago, I am not like that anymore. I just see this happening to many other girls and feel so bad because I know there’s not a thing you can say to them to lose the creep. Luckily for me I got smarter and dumped the losers and cringe at the thought of them. But, now I have horrible trust issues and don’t believe anything anyone says ever, but at least no stupid guy can walk all over me :P. Annd I have a lovely boy now who is very sweet to me and I looove him immensly 😀
People are afraid to be honest about what kind of relationship they want: serious or casual? and what they are ultimately looking for: marriage or not? Children yes or no?
I don’t know WHY they are afraid to be up front about these things, they just ARE. (We’ve all been there.)
Maybe it’s because they are afraid of “scaring the other person away.” Well, in the bigger picture, might that not be the very best thing possible? What good can come out of pretending to be someone you are not?
A little honesty, with oneself and with others, could go a long way to making life a little less difficult.
For a successful relationship you need 3 things:
RESPECT
COMMUNICATION
HONESTY
Without these things, the relationship is doomed.
My gf and I keep an open line of communication, have the utmost respect for one another and don’t bullshit. Neither one of us has the time or inclination to put up with someone elses crap. I can be pretty brash at times (I’m not one to pull punches) and she gets that. It’s one of the great things about her. I always have and always will speak my mind and so does she. I always know where she stands (even if it does take a little prying sometimes) and it makes my life much easier. She’s strong, independant, smart, funny, witty, intelligent and beautiful. I’m lucky to have her.
! you said it!
Who are you and where do you live? I’m taking YOU out tonight!
I’m an independent woman with a good paying job, my own place and a car. I take care of myself and every guy I meet seems to have a problem with that.
I’ve discovered that guys feel threatened by strong independent women… that’s why the clingers always get a man and the good ones are still single!
I think the thing about women and assholes is that they feel that if they can get approval from these assholes (and acceptance) then they must be “special.” These guys assert themselves as authority figures (because let’s face it: they’re the ones who control the relationship), and it’s human nature to want to be accepted by authority (well, for most).
So getting acceptance that ONE little time out of maybe 10 or 20 times makes their self esteem go up and they stick around because they constantly want this self esteem boost. Ever notice how it’s the momentally insecure women who are with the jerks? The jerks seek this out because they can control them.
I was raised in a household with a strong female role model and was never taught and was even discouraged to take on the little 1950s submissive wifey wifey role, however, I wasn’t taught to be dominant either — I guess I was always taught that there’s a happy medium. Which means, in my case, I want an equal, not someone who controls me or someone who’s a fucking pussy ass clingy doormat. I want someone who will call me on my bullshit, but doesn’t look at me like an object in their collection of “things.” And I know a lot of women who are like this.
WTF: they’re threatened because they realize you don’t “need” them. Guys can be just as insecure (even the assholes…actually, ESPECIALLY the assholes) as women.
“Expanding on Threes point about girls being raised to be submissive, indecisive, and dependent.” I disagree I’d say you’re taught the opposite, but because you naturally don’t like confrontation these traits show. Also disagree with PK about who controls the relationship.
Then again, the women in my family Are the bread winners.
zZz, I never said anything about a “traditional man role” the fact that you interpreted dominant, independent, and decisive as the “traditional man role” in this day and age is sad. A modern woman can be all of these things without completely reversing the “roles” and emasculating you as a result. Even entertaining the idea of masculine and feminine “roles” is messy. Exactly where is the line drawn? At what point does a woman’s behavior emasculate you? Ugh, everyone should just be themselves and fuck “traditional roles” they’re outdated anyway.
Guys who are insecure about their masculinity are a huge turn off anyway. I remember I asked this guy out on a date in college, he rejected me. I thought it was because he didn’t like me. Later I found out through mutual friends that he had been interested in me for a long time, and was planning on asking me out, but was freaked out when I asked him out instead, so he said no.
In the situation where the guy is the asshole, they generally do control what’s going on because why else would someone who’s being treated like shit stick around? Sure they control the decision to be there, but the asshole controls when they want to be nice to their partner, and when they want to be around them and when they don’t, and when they want to treat them like shit. They control the content of the relationship. It’s just that these women are so insecure that they a) seek approval, and b) are beat down so much self-esteem wise (more so than they already are when they come into those relationships) they can’t and/or won’t leave (because if I leave this guy, who else will want me because obviously there’s a reason why I’m being treated like shit).
Thing *is*, the “pretty/hot” girls can be just as insecure (if not more so sometimes) than those who are just average.
You want to check out submissive, you should go & check out some Korean or other Asian women.
If that kind of woman turns your crank there’s a few places that are loaded with them, they won’t just put a gleam in your eye, they’ll ask if they’re doing a good enough job while they’re at it !
Ahhh South Korea…I gotta go back & visit again
Yeah, hoes are dumb.
“zZz, I never said anything about a “traditional man role” the fact that you interpreted dominant, independent, and decisive as the “traditional man role” in this day and age is sad.”
decisive -> pulls the plug and does the ‘asking’ out on date
independent -> coughing up for the meal/entertainment
dominant -> planning the date to ensure it goes well…
all the characteristics of what dude is supposed to do on first date back in the day.
at least that’s how I interpreted it. was I really that far off the mark to be considered ‘sad’?
you (the metaphorical, powertripping, girl-power type) want to be all bitchy and “I don’t need him, they’re a dime a dozen” then … ho hum… I can’t imagine why they’re not all flocking towards you for admiration…
and if I had a girl ask me out, pick me up, plan it from start to finish, and pay for everything… yeah, I would feel a little awkward. she may as well bring me flowers and wait the extra 20 minutes while tape my wang back and squeeze into my dress.
WTF: I have noticed the same thing about the dynamic between strong, independant women and most men. Most men are intimidated by us. I once met a guy who got horribly offended because my Harley was bigger than his! I guess he expected me to be riding the stereotypical ladies Harley, (or maybe that’s what his ride was.) The abundance of men who are intimidated by us sure does send a lot of the fish in the sea swimming away…it just weeds out the ones who we wouldn’t want anyway. There must be guys who like their women independant though they, like us, are a rare breed.
You have a Harley?
Would you take me for a ride and let me sit in the “bitch seat”? I got that from Hank Hill….
zZz
Yeah it was far off the mark, like I said we’ve reached a point in society where a woman can be independent, dominant, and decisive without her partner feeling awkward… assuming he’s not insecure about his masculinity and makes it awkward.
And it’s also sad that to you, a strong independent woman means a “bitchy” power tripping asshole. This is exactly what I was talking about in my other post.
Nice. tell it buddy 🙂
WTF, sounds good. My next relationship will be her place, my place and get together when we want to. No pressure no mess.
NGF: I prefer men to be on their own bikes.
Here’s what.
Guys that are ‘too nice’ come off as needy/clingy, as do girls that are ‘too nice’ (low self esteem)… its a game that humans play – its a gentle slope of the scale. The trick is to find the person that’s the slight opposite of the other and who compliment the others self esteem. Its tricky and it sucks ass sometimes and as cliche as it sounds its always when you’ve decided – ‘fuckit, I’m happy on my own, I don’t need anyone’ that you are your most self confident and THAT is when you attract the right person.
well it does.
in all my (albeit limited) experiences, the ones who flaunt THEMSELVES as “a strong, independent woman” are the ones no-one else can stand to be around for more than 5 minutes because of the ‘tude. The ones who think Beyonce is the oracle because all her shitty-ass songs ‘speak the truth’.
I’m sure there are exceptions… as with everything. I dunno, maybe I’m mixing it in with ‘snobby’… maybe they tend to go hand-in-hand.
Maybe I’m just a woman-hater… though I really don’t think so.
Who said anything about these women flaunting themselves as strong and independent? No one, you just assumed it. That’s the thing about unfounded assumptions and generalizing people based on your own limited experiences, you come off as an ignorant asshole when you do it. You can’t get away with that shit in the information age.
For the record, I don’t think you’re an ignorant asshole or a woman hater because I’m familiar with your posts. I probably hate more women and judge them harsher than you do.
But you completely missed my point when you defined dominant and independent women as bitchy asshole power tripping girl-power type assholes, I fucking hate those assholes, they are not the type people I was talking about in my posts, it was an unfair assumption on your part, and they are not bitchy because they are dominant and independent they are bitchy because they are just assholes. Assholery is indiscriminate.
It sucks that the only independent and dominant women you’ve met happened to be assholes.
whatever… we’re not delving into psyche here and whatnot. and I can be an ignorant asshole… definitely. especially if you catch me on a bad day. I don’t think anyone can claim they aren’t from time to time….
I just know dominant women are just that. I’m dominant… I’m better, I’m the leader, follow me or you’re not worth a second look.
I don’t like dominant to be a trait not categorized.
dominant in sports… ok, I get that.
dominant in career… ok, you’re not making friends, but work can’t always be about friendship…
dominant in bed… well, I’m sure we’ve all seen or heard about that…
but just plan, all around dominant… all the time in everything… for me, that screams head case. power trip… drama…. the whole shebazz…
personally, I know a conversation that’s going to go nowhere when I see it….
and I’m not trying to mimikay this whole situation.
I’m also not saying that it’s only the complete opposite that are tangible…
when you take it too far, you’re the only one who wants to hear about it.
zZz: You just know what you think is true without it being so.
Being strong and independant doesn’t necessarily equal being dominant.
My inner strength and independance are not exclusive of the ability to compromise, be a good conversationalist, be a good dependable friend, nor do I feel the need to always be right or be a bitch. Being strong and independant is not a chip on my shoulder, it is a quiet, subtle but important part of who I am. It doesn’t make me feel superior or that I need to be the leader. My friends and family all know that I am nice to fault, always thinking of others and more often than not put their interests first. What a warped perception of independant women you have zZz.
well I suppose we can both agree on that.
but then again, I’ve always been warped.
Let’s say you’re an attractive female. 100 guys come up to you in one night and compliment the hell out of you. And they’re pretty much the same compliments over and over again.
1 guy comes up to you and makes fun of you, teases you, makes it known that it won’t be easy to get his number because he knows he can get another girl.
Who seems more interesting?
Next time I head out I’m going to flirt by walking up to the hottest woman in the entire venue and just SMACK her. If it doesn’t work I’ll offer to buy a round for she and her friends.
dgaf…
the hottest one
oh superficial me…
dgaf: neither scenario is interesting. The guy who has the right chemistry connection is the only one I’m interested in. The others are wasting their time.
so very PC and proper…
how very boring your fake, online avatar life must be.
what if there are two… and they’re twins…
how do you decide? or do you bother and just reject both?
cause let’s face it, women love to reject guys….
I only reject the one’s who I don’t feel that chemistry connection with. Life is too short to waste my time and yours if that spark isn’t there. Rejecting the ones that don’t spark that reaction is just doing them a favour so they can keep looking for someone who is going to have that connection with them.
BTW zZz, my hubby of 22 years was an identical twin but the brother’s personality did not have the chemistry qualities necessary for my interest. Physical appearance alone does not produce this.
Is *that* why NGF beats me? Because I’m just that hot? *ohnoes!*
that and the underwear frat parties…