My dear mother is so weary of everything I say or do. I’m 26, I’ve got a career, put myself through school, and I have never relied on them for money. I’m completely independent! But boy oh boy, if the topic of money or credit come into the picture she just has to have her say. It’s frustrating that she just can’t say “good for you!” or bite her tongue and maybe not say anything at all if she doesn’t like it. After all I am an adult. I mean, if she had experience during her life with being successful at handling money then maybe she could talk- but she doesn’t!
She’s family and sometimes I get excited to share, then I regret it… it shouldn’t be that way, and sadly the older she gets the worse she gets. I’m sorry but I just want to bitch slap her sometimes…
—I’m responsible, so fuck off with the negativity!
This article appears in Jan 28 – Feb 3, 2010.
Tell her you don’t appreciate her negativity, let her get pissed – she’ll cool off eventually and you’ll have some peace and quiet in the meantime. Sounds like she could be envious of your youth and independence and channeling that in her digs at you. What a silly bitch she is – she should be beaming proud of you and what you’ve accomplished. Share good news with your friends instead. After all, friends are the Cosmic Muffin’s apology for family.
I wish I could drive up and down the wall. Then I could avoid a lot of Halifax traffic.
and you are always welcome here…sometimes we’re not much help but always good for a larf
This will never change as long as she is your mother. It is the same with my roomate and her mom.
My roomate goes through long periods of time where she ignores her mom for a few months to get some peace.
My mother does the same to me. It was the absolute worst when I had just finished school and looking for a job: she called me almost every day to find out if I had anything yet. Now I talk to her once a week, and she’s not nearly as nosy, but if my brother or I are spending money and she doesn’t think we have the money to spend, she’ll certainly voice her opinion. I think a lot of moms are just like that, the only way to deal with it is to be careful with what you tell her.
As you get older and more financially secure, it can be more fun to adopt a “mysterious silence” surrounding your personal finances—especially with those nosy relatives who for some reason want to believe that you are just scraping by.
I have a cousin who loves to tease me about being a “starving artist” — when I am neither. (I do very well as a full-time graphic designer!)
Enjoy your success. I hope that you continue to reap the rewards of good financial management.
And it’s OK to say to your mom that “I’m doing fine” and not divulge any more details.
I agree completely with what TTFN said, but also, could it be that if she wasn’t good with her money she is being over concerned with what you do with yours because she doesn’t want you making the same mistakes?
Really, just don’t talk money with her though, keep it to the friends.
but do you still live at home,in the basement,or do you have your very own little retreat,that you call a room?
My mom, trying to be “helpful” would regularly ask me my credit card balance, or how much I had in my bank account or how much I got paid up until my early 20s when she backed the fuck off when I told her [nicely] to mind her own fucking business.
You should do the same. Finances are a deeply personal issue, and she should respect your space.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems like the Op is the one bringing up finances.
mothers don’t do much for me, though I enjoy them vicariously…
TTFN says it well I think.
I know someone similar. There’s a certain symbiosis between the two I don’t understand. They fall for each other’s pressure points over and over.
If someone is giving me unneccesary grief, I’ll begin to marginalize them. If it was a family member or a friend, I’d tell them why.
I told my Mom everything, she was the good cop.
This friend put himself through an English degree, while raising a daughter by himself, always on the edge of everything. You’d think his mother would praise his efforts. Well no.
They’ve become intertwined.
My mom isn’t at all responsible with her money and is still stuck paying off a (at least) $5,000 credit card debt from stupid purchases of things she doesn’t need. Thankfully, she realizes this, and never offers me any financial advice, except that I should never ever get a credit card. Based on her advice when I was younger, I still don’t have one, but now realize the importance of establishing credit.
When I hear stories like this, though, I’m pretty glad that both my parents were and are always pretty chilled out compared to most. They very rarely got worked up or worried about too much. At the same time, I can’t help but wonder if maybe they pushed me a bit more or got after me more for doing stupid things when I was younger, maybe I’d be doing better now (yes, I know I’m responsible for myself can’t blame anyone else for my problems blah blah blah!).