and who steals shoe laces! When i got up this morning and wanted to put on my boots, i couldn’t because my roommates took the shoelaces out of both my boots! seriously shoe laces are like $2 max. I’m sure you can afford $2, and if you can’t i would have bought you some. but noooo stealing them is better. gah! i hate what the world has come to!
—Missing my laces
This article appears in Jan 7-13, 2010.


dear missing,the same people who steal only one sock got them.there is a conspiracy afloat,that they are being udsed to make a ladder to the moon,or that someone needs them to,just get you pissed off.i think the former is closer to the truth.
Beat him/her in their sleep.
Do you have tile flooring near the door? Put vaseline on the bottoms of their shoes…
Haha Maybe the hung themselves with them? Check the local trees and see if there hanging from them ?
holy shit weed i was just thinking that same thing but didn’t go there just in case of trouble
HaHA martym But it may be true – maybe they’re shoe laces where to short. I’m sure andy will delete this one lol
Think that’s bad? One time I had a roommate who intentionally wore my socks and underwear. After that, they became his socks and underwear.
Still makes me shiver.
This is why I only wear velcro shoes circa 1984.
Tell. Them.
Then boot-fuck them.
Or maybe, just maybe, they needed laces promptly…perhaps you were not home to ask?
This is hilarious. I am going to steal all of my roomies shoe laces. But I will take my own so they don’t blame me. And keep them, and keep doing it. And when I move out leave them all in a pile in the middle of my room…