I saw you, and thought you were just being annoying little pricks in the parking lot next door, and yelling and necking in the middle of the street last night. What I DIDN”T know, was that you’d been into my fucking YARD, vandalizing my motherfucking GARDEN.
You little pricks cost us about 50 dollars worth of fresh food, which is a lot when you have a garden because you don’t have that extra fucking 50. I have no clue how much you’ve cost us for putting stuff up, but there’s half the carrots out and potatoes missing, and I finally found my bucket a block over.
I know what you look like. I’ll be up for the next two weeks for my shifts past 3am. I’m going to be out in the motherfucking yard with the motherfucking hose. I’m gonna find you, and I’m gonna fucking EAT you.
PS, thanks to the RCMP for never showing up last night when I called, made finding the mess great. I’ll be calling you as soon as I can keep from screaming at your dispatcher.
—Angry Fucking Swampy
This article appears in Sep 10-16, 2009.
Redirect $50 a month you pay for internet plus whatever you pay a month for your MDG Dollar a Day comptuer and spend it on fresh food. Problem solved.
Sorry for the crankyness.
just so some jackass fuck tard can dig up his garden and relocate his bucket for absolutely fucking nothing? why should he have to sacrifice his computer and internet for that?
i vote you video tape them and call the cops. or find out if its safe to shoot “vermin” with a paint ball gun (its non toxic) and let them have it, trust me, it doesnt feel that great 😀
or get a massive dog and let him sleep near the garden for a few nights….
Try a super soaker filled with vinegar or, better yet, ammonia! 🙂
i heart mr mcnasty!!!
Thanks ustwess, but no, I think I’ll keep my internet and my bitching custom rig.
Frenchie/Nasty, I’m loving the way you think(and I also have some harmless but stanky seaweed concentrate…). I found out the little shits hang out at another house near a coworker, and surprise surprise, they’ve had run-ins with the cops before. They don’t like them in her neighbourhood either. I should have some names inside of a week.
So did they just simply destroy it, or did they maybe take some of the veggies too? Maybe they got the late night munchies. Maybe if you’re a really good gardener, those puny little carrots and potatoes tasted really good and they’ll tell all their friends, who might maybe want to buy some of your veggies. Maybe they’re rabbits disguised as humans.
On the other hand, if they really are simply just little shit vandal kids, I hope you do catch them and eat them (as you said) if they do come back. They should make a rather nice main course, similar to veal or lamb I imagine. Add a few good sides of veggies and a nice bottle of red wine and you will surely forget this whole incident completely, either due to the deliciousness and tenderness of the meat or all the police and subsequent media attention the “Cannibals of Nova Scotia” are getting.
(Note: qpmzwonxeibcruv in no way endorses the slaughter or consumption of humans. You never know who might actually take you seriously here).
get a couple of those nasty old snap jaw bear traps.bet you won’t have any more trouble. worked for a friend of mine. and if cops give you shit, tell them to do their fucking job then.
If old people bitched on the coast, this is what it would look like.
Get an attack dog and leave him out doors.
I suggest a bulldog. They have incredibly
strong jaws which can do some serious
damage to any intruders. Problem solved.
As someone who likes to grow veggies, especially, tomato’s, hot peppers,onion’s, celery, & garlic ( I make my own salsa’s & they’re way better than store bought) I know that if i was being paid by the hour for the effort I put into it, my tomato’s would be about $3.00 each.
But the loss of all your hard work & the fun (at least I find it so ) of getting up in the morning & picking a fresh tomato, & making a sandwich, has been taken away by senseless destruction as well.
I personally feel that trashing someone’s garden should be treated no differently than say, trashing someone’s car. They’re your property & no one should be able to get away with destroying them.