And Then My Dog Tried To Commit Suicide

Unless you’re Michael Vick, this probably isn’t that funny.

Okay, if you’ve met my dog its mildly humorous.

My dog has been diagnosed by a certified trainer as “a spaz”. Apparently Brittany Spaniels get really calm, right before they die.

So, to back up a step or two, last week the domestic goddess/total enabler took the kids to visit her folks in Truro. Being a weekday visit, I stayed behind with plans to work, ride, run and stay out of trouble. And take care of the dog.

Friday rolled around and after a fairly full day at work, I came home with the intention of taking the dog for a run. We both needed it. As a special treat, I thought it would be grand to take her to the park for the run. A drive and a park run. Dog heaven so to speak.

Off we go in the family truckster, windows down. Both of us catching a breeze. She ran from one window to the other.
Happy dog.
Until we got to the park.
And she jumped out.
At 25 mph.
Really.
It was an impressive dive. 3/4 turn. Nice form.

She took off across the soccer field at full four legged speed. I gave chase and was joined by a young(comparatively) guy on a mtn bike. Horns honked and tires screeched as she went flying thru a busy Cannons Lane. Mtn bike guy stayed with her as I ran back to the car to try and catch up.

I was wandering St Matthews asking random people “have you seen a guy on a mtb chasing an orange and white dog?”

Following sketchy directions(and the occasional honking of horns)
I finally saw them. Crouched in a yard. Whew!! Don’t have to explain the missing dog to the kids.

I thanked mtn bike guy profusely and wished I had some cash to give as a reward. I stated that and he responded

“Oh no, I’m a Christian”

Pause. Uh oh.

Now I’m not a hater, but I know where this usually goes. It normally ends with me acting somewhat inappropriate.

But not this time. The guy had just saved my dog.
I was stuck.

He handed me the pamphlet and all I could do was to say
“Hmmm, why this Jeebus does sound interesting”
Payback for all the jehovas witnesses I’ve chased off the lawn.

We finally got back in the car after a thorough(very) discussion on the benefits of accepting JC as my personal savior(duly noted).

The dog was exhausted after her sprint thru the neighborhood.
So we ran 5 miles.
Fast.
Maybe that’s why she jumped?

—Didn’t need that heart attack.

This article appears in Aug 13-19, 2009.