As much as I do hate you down to your core- our son adores you- try picking up the phone when we call NIGHTLY so he can tell you he loves you- I know you’ve moved on and I’m supposed to be “broken hearted” but I’m not- I’m simply trying to be a damn good mother- and you prove time and time again that all you care about is you. Thanks for letting down our little boy time and time again, why can’t you just leave and stop pretending you actually care about our little boy? You haven’t paid me a cent since I left you- and you were heart broken for all of a week before your new Barbie showed up.
You say your an active role in our son’s life- but you are a dead beat- hope next time you reproduce you actually play an active and healthy role in your child’s life.
—being mommy and daddy
This article appears in Jul 30 – Aug 5, 2009.
Hearts broken, lessons learned.
sweetheart,there are all kinds of creeps on the planet,he is one of them.i have been in 3 unions,and still have contact with all my kids,one daughter even lives in onntario.i call her just about every second night,or she calls me.so distance is no fucken excuse,sorry,that don’t cut no apathy from me.the guy screws you,then by law,he is responsible til the child is 18-19.you get jerked around hon,you take hm to court and sue his ass.and by the way,i’m still friends with 2 out of 3 ex wives.not looking for a fourth,but you just never know.at 58,i think i’m a little too old for another marriage tho.but open to dating.hint,hint.
The best thing you can do is be the best mom, and don’t even let your son know that this bothers you. My boyfriend grew up without a father, and he has no hard feelings toward him. That’s a result of a good mother, and that’s what you should aim for.
Not to make excuses for him; When you say we call, do you call and nag him then past the phone? maybe he doesn’t want to hear you since the hate is likely mutual. “Why can’t you just leave…” So he is around and in his child life? And what do you mean by “pretending” Are you blinded by hate? From previous post on this topic I would believe your best option is to rid the hate, and try to have a positive relationship with your ex for the best interest of the child and to have him fulfill his financial obligations. Courts can only do so much, and can sour the relationship further. That’s my non-experience opinion.
I agree with Balls. There could be lots of reasons he doesn’t want to answer the phone that have nothing to do with how he feels about his son. If you know he’s not going to answer the phone, maybe letting your son call, only to get disappointed, is not the best way to involve the dad in the kid’s life. It’s not the amount of time father and son spend together that is important, it’s the quality of time. Phone calls might not be the best thing if it’s a source of tension in the family.
OP: YOU left, so tough titties. If YOU wanna leave AND have the kid, make sure you have the means to support the little guy.
No SYMPATHY (consult a dictionary, LS) here.
I’ve learned from experience that you can’t force a relationship. Take him to court, call all the time, it doesn’t matter. If he doesn’t want to be around, he won’t. Your son will look back and remember that it was you that was always there for him.
“try to have a positive relationship with your ex for the best interest of the child”
I don’t agree. Protect your child from learning your ex’s behavior and seeing you all pissed off over it. Protect your child from disappointment and hurt feelings… ELIMINATE the dead-beat! No expectations? No disappointment. And absolutely, positively sue his ass for child support. Just because you pay doesn’t mean you get to play. Let him sue for visitation if he wants it because support is a separate issue.
And never mind onion over there… hasn’t got a clue what it takes to raise children… OBVIOUSLY. Wait til the baby learns EMPATHY (consult a dictionary, onion) and then maybe the words might mean something. This one is too young to have a valid opinion about anything.
For once I actually 100% agree with kay.
If the Dad is a real tool, then you might be right Kay. But if mom and dad just don’t get along, the kid doesn’t have to suffer too. A guy can be a bad husband but a good father.
I’d like to hear his side of the story. Women tend to make men out to be the bad guys while not admitting any fault of their own, instead opting to play victim.
And vice versa, qpmzwonx.
I’d argue the child suffers when Daddy fails to call or fails to show up for a scheduled get-together. Right now Daddy fails to pay child support so what has the kid got to loose by having no expectation of his dead-beat dad?
With only one side of the story, I’m not prepared to say what should happen in this case. The Dad may very well be a dead beat, and if so, I agree with you Kay. I am just hesitant to vilify the man just because the jaded ex says so.
The OP’s beef about the phone calls could have a non-dead beat dad explanation. Maybe the guy’s new girl doesn’t like having some cranky ex calling NIGHTLY. Maybe he doesn’t want to have to deal with her hate NIGHTLY, even if it means not hearing from his son. I would think that if the mother really cared about her son’s feelings, she would know better than to set the dad up for failure and the son up for disappointment when she calls him NIGHTLY knowing that he’s not going to answer. I find that somewhat unfair to the boy. It would be better if she stopped calling him and explained that even though he loves his dad and his dad loves him, they can’t talk as often as they used to.
“why can’t you just leave and stop pretending you actually care about our little boy,” OP’s words. I suggest she take some responsibility in making it happen instead of letting dead-beat set the pace.
Miles, I agree, the other half needs to be heard. I’ve seen asshole deadbeat dads and dads made out to be deadbeats by conniving evil women.
When one or the other party make themselves out to be saints, red flags go up really quick.
The other way to interpret that Kay would be that the guy is making an effort to be around (or why would he have to leave) and she’s just noticing the times when daddy isn’t playing by her rules (answering the phone nightly). Again, without the other side of the story, it’s hard to tell if this guy is a real dead beat or not. People see what they want to see and when you are as hateful as the OP is, I don’t imagine she will notice any of the positive efforts the guy might actually be making. The OP is at risk of using this kid as a pawn to torment her ex. And he’s probably doing the same.
Kay, in the context of “Life Sucks”‘ post, I believe SYMPATHY was the word he or she was going for, you dumb bitch. Don’t try to be clever – you might pop a vein and deprive this place of its favorite fire hydrant.
“Empathy” implies practical experience and that’s what LIFE SUCKS has whether she can articulate it or not, fuckwit.
Get a better cause. Playing dictionary cop here will get you flamed.