I try, I try and I try some more to be the nice guy, and it gets me FUCKED all the time. Everyone walks all over me, don’t you appreciate the things I do? All anyone can think about is themselves and no one else, and the few sorry assholes (myself included) who do give a shit get trampled on. Well I’m tired of being nice, I really am. I’m tired of giving my home, patience and time to unworthy jackasses who treat me like a convenience and take advantage of my home and belongings. I blame the torrents of assholes I’ve known for this, I use to be nice, I use to throw money at events for the groups I was part of, and people I thought mattered. Well fuck all of you, I have my own life and I think ill be joining you on the ranks of fucking assholes, except I wont be leeching off other and using them, I’m keeping to myself, my kindness has expired, Fuck Off. My Family are the only people who matter now.
—Defeated former nice guy
This article appears in Jul 16-22, 2009.
Hey Defeated, don’t stop being nice, start being selective. Don’t put it all out there, up front, and expect that someone won’t take advantage of your generosity. Be polite, be firm, and attune your bullshit detector. You’ll be happier and people won’t think you’re a pushover. Besides, your real friends in life, even after many decades, can likely be counted on one hand…two if you are very fortunate. Consider the rest “acquaintances”.
Don’t give up completely just be a little more guarded and judicious about who you bestow your kindness on. There are a lot of self-serving users out there but there are a lot of good people too.
Good advice from both Three and Jai.
I’ve been where you are, and can totally relate. In the end, you just have to be selective and reciprocate accordingly. Don’t give someone a ride home that wouldn’t give you a ride home. That’s my two cents!
its easy to say stop being so nice but i am in the same boat this happends to me all the time
i guess nice guys do finish last 🙁
All I can say is Darwin…..know who you want to breed with….and keep focused….do not vary…..
I wish “Darwin” was all you could say.
Three’s got some good advice there. If you present yourself to the world as a doormat you will be used like one. You don’t have to be an asshole to look after your needs and still be nice to people. Figure out how and you will be a lot happier.
Mind you I have been in a situation where I thought a person was being a genuine friend / genuinely nice and I was as appreciative as a friend should be… turns out they were “attracted to me” and interpreted my lack of reciprocation to the attraction as me being “ungrateful, using, self centred, assholish etc…” so there is two sides to the coin…
I always thanked them for offering their generosity, returned the generous favours when the opportunity arose and held the person in such a high regard for a long time… then they continually passive-aggressivly implied I was ungrateful, eventually began telling me such, and out and out started being a horrible person to me… Guess I was wrong for not giving a blow job as a thank you for lending me money? …. some people…
You need an internal bullshit detector, my friend, and stop getting yourself sucked into that enabling vortex – you can still be a nice guy and size up someone’s motivations before you act.
There’s a difference between being a nice person and being a pathetic pushover. One can exist without the other.
Some good advice has been given so far, use it.
Like the others have said- be selective. You can be nice but not a pushover. A simple example- I don’t mind doing the shit work at my office- photcopying and stuff, but I do mind it when some people expect it of me because it’s beneath them, but okay for me. That’s when I stop doing that kind of stuff for them. It’s the difference between me being nice and doing it because it simplifies their job a little, and being walked all over because they haven’t “the time”.
This is what I used to say when someone didn’t have “the time” to photocopy their own shit. “Oh I know, that photocopier can be a pain. Let me show you how to use it, that way you won’t have to wait for me to get off the phone before you can get your photocopies in the future. It’ll save you some time”
You have to trick them into doing it themselves.