coming from a mediterranean background, the family is an important aspect of one’s life, something that you cant get rid off nor avoid. that being said, my family is insane! yup all of them are insane and should be locked up in psychiatric hospital.
nothing good enough for them to praise me, ok dont! I dont need it, but stop the criticisms. dont share with me the miserable stories everyone of you have, why should I know? why do you hate to see me happy? OK, I am not as happy as I look like, I am on Prozac. every time anyone of you tells me about how much all her colleagues hate her, something inside me dies.
I moved away, but their shit comes to me as I was there. phone calls for hours, talking about everything negative in this world, how unfortunate they are. whats the point of spreading your sadness and negativity? what did i do to deserve all that?
am I a coward/ not a man of integrity if I dont support them emotionally now (well, they think they’re in a new crisis, for me, it just another crisis they created for themselves, I told them the best thing is seek professional help, after all the same problems come every now and then and they deal with them in the same approach yet expect a different results!)
—Wii2
This article appears in Mar 26 – Apr 1, 2009.
I think you have to either confront them about it or just try to accept it. Or maybe both. If you confront them about it and tell them you’d prefer they not dump all their negativity on you, and they agree but don’t stop, you may have to just accept that that’s the way it’ll be. It’s not like on the fourth try they’ll suddenly change.
Personally, I’ve had to do the same (acceptance) with some of my relatives, albeit probably with less annoying behaviors. It definitely made my life a lot easier. Sounds like your family is pretty fucked though. No offense.
Dude, maybe medicating the problem is not what you need. Prozac is probably one of the worst anti-depressants on the market, despite the fact it’s been prescribed for 50 years now. Your family is not helping; but you’ve got something way worse than depression, maybe you’re bi-polar which is something you’re gonna need to beat with something other than drugs.
Tell them you need a break from all the negativity – don’t give them a chance to argue. Simply hang up the phone if they continue to rant, stop feeling guilty and enjoy your life. Contact them when you feel you can handle it but otherwise make it known that you do not want to hear any more depressing crap. You’re not responsible for their problems but you are responsible for you. I’d also suggest some therapy to help guide you through these troubling family issues.
I think TTFN is right about just hanging up. Tell them you love them and let them know what behviour you expect from them. When they don’t respect your wishes not hear about their crap, disengage them. They will either learn to interact with you on your terms or they will write you off, either way, you will be free and it won’t be your fault. Family is important, but you can’t help them if you are destroyed by their negativity. You can only sort them out once you are sorted out.
From my own experience I would recommend a pro-active approach to this problem.
1. Get caller ID and use it. If the family member I want to avoid calls me on a Saturday night I know that he/she is probably having a few drink and I will avoid that phone call. Return phone call early on Sunday morning.
2. Call the people you want to avoid on a regular basis. But ensure that you call with a a “busy time” excuse ie. “Was thinking of you; thought I’d give you a quick call to check in and see how you are? But I can’t chat long, have to be (insert approprate place) in about 30 minutes”.
The beauty of option #2 is that you have control of the length of the call.
Good luck!
I know how you feel OP; my husband comes from poor eastern european country where his family is truly fucked through no doing but their own. He’s the only one who made an effort to make something of his life- no thanks from them; he had no support whatsoever. Now he has a phd, lives in a country with a decent economy and because of this, his lazy family (all sucking off the system) act like he’s won the goddamned lotto and lay on the guilt whenever they can- as if it’s his fault his siblings and mother drink so much they can’t afford to pay their household bills or their share of the tombstone and burial fees for his deceased father. They can’t be bothered trying because they know how kind he is- that he’ll always bail them out. He now suffers high blood pressure (and yes, he is far from fat) and is full of guilt and anxiety because of these jeleous, selfish bloodsuckers who do nothing but whine and complain about their lives every time they speak to him.