I’m a 48 year old male who has never been in a long term relationship. I have always been too shy or awkward and lived with my parents until I was in my 30ies. Now I just feel old and lonely and wouldn’t know how to explain to a woman why I am still still and never really had a loving relationship. I feel like a complete loser (maybe I am)….my whole life went by and I missed it…(sux to be me)
—sux to be me
This article appears in Mar 12-18, 2009.
wah wah wah
Really, swear to god: that’s not me.
Damn. It does suck to be you. So suck it up and go out and meet some people. Who cares if you’re socially awkward and have no concept of friendship. Get out there and meet people. Do it. Do it now. Quit whining about how you don’t have the balls for this, that or the other thing and grow a pair. Find a means of meeting people with common interests as you. Stop pissing and moaning on a bitch board of all places and get out there. Until you’ve actually made a real attempt at meeting someone/people you have NO right to complain about your situation. You’re in it now and if you don’t do something about it now, you never will. You’re almost 50 for pete’s sake. Act your age and do something about it.
Make yourself a profile on plentyoffish.com and if you can’t get any using that site, then you might as well give up forever.
You are not a loser – you’re just a late bloomer. My suggestion would be (and I’m pretty close to your age but on the other side of 50)to join some kind of volunteering group. You’ll met some new people and who knows what could happen from there? I have a lot of single male friends in their 50s and that’s what they do.
Let Yoda be your guide to new sexual adventures and repeat after me …
“Try not … do or do not … there is no try”
Dear Sux:
Women, especially decent, mentally-healthy ones, look for a man with self-confidence, good social skills, and zest for life.
We don’t tend to be attracted to guys who believe they are losers. You need to find what you like about yourself, and cultivate that. Get out there and make something of yourself, and you might meet someone in the process.
Let’s not forget older women outnumber older men about 7 to 1 – those odds are in your favour, fella.
NW, you are such a filthy raging cunt. I severly dislike you.
Now that that’s out of the way, don’t worry OP, I know lots in the same situation you’re in. If you can fix up your appearance, don’t hesitate to do so, that’s half the battle. And If you’re more outgoing and confident, you’re going to wind up a lot happier with people. I know women that date extremely average looking guys, but with incredibly attractive personalities. Put yourself out there!
Dino Jr: Thanks! Coming from a useless waste of air such as yourself, that is a compliment! And I quite frankly couln’t care less whether or not a pathetic “mission trip” taking, bourgeous toy dog owning, whining maggot like yourself likes me. If you think that coddling this guy and telling him sweet things is going to help, then you’re sadly mistaken.
OP, lindsay’s suggestion was a good one. since you obviously lack the skills and confidence to approach women in a social setting. contrary to what some people have suggested, confidence is not something you can just “get”. in most cases you either have it or you dont. character trait.
so go on line, chat up a lady…get comfortable and go from there.
Try eharmony rather than POF, OP. I have a few friends who’ve tried POF and have said people can be snotty on there, esp in hfx. I haven’t tried either, but I think I’d go eharmony before I did POF (although POF *is* free so….)
You should have spent less time playing D&D, and more time outside.
Principal Skinner?
Haha, that would be terribly awkward.
Oh, and I’d rather give the guy some uplifting words than beat whats left of his self esteem to pieces, for christ’s sake.
Dino jr-. Never wrong is just taking the “tough love” approach to his advise, it works better and by the sounds of it, it seems like the OP was showered with this compassionate B.S from his parents all his life or at least when he moved out in his thirties.
This guy wants a kick in the ass, thats why he is here posting, think about it.
Yeah, maybe he just needs to grow a second layer. Dig your way out from your shit-fort OP and smell the roses. The sunshine is waiting for ya.
Just make sure that whatever you decide to go join/volunteer for, is something you enjoy, and are doing as much for your own self enjoyment as you are to meet new people. If you go in to it with a desperation and the intent to find a girlfriend, people will smell it on you. You’ll find love when you’re not looking, and least expect it, so go find a hobby you like, that will bring out the good qualities you do have, and stop thinking about what you don’t have.
key is to get away from the TV, go out, and get some fresh air. The more you meet people face to face and have a chance to listen and learn some body language/facial traits/mannerisms, the more comfortable you’ll be.
It’s easy typing out what you’re thinking… bitch boards have obviously proven that. It’s the actual interaction you may be missing. The touch of the arm when they bend down laughing… or twirl of the hair or something. If ya can’t see it, you don’t get context and can’t adapt your conversation to the situation.
computers are nice and all…
but there’s just absolutely no substitute for the real thing.
You know…I’ve met a few people like you. I usually try to distance myself because it’s annoying to hang around with whiners.
I truly don’t mind hearing someone complain over and over if they actually do something about it. But when they just say ‘poor me’ and ‘why does the world/women/men hate me’ and then they don’t do anything different to change the outcome…that’s just a waste of time.
It’s just as insane as banging into a door over and over without reaching out to turn the knob…everyone can tell you over and over what to do and show you how, but you actually have to lift your arm and do it yourself to make the door open.
Now get off your ass and open your own damn door. You know exactly what you have to do. If it gets slammed in your face try again…big friggin deal. Stop taking yourself so seriously and have fun. Life sucks when you are always sad about things. Have fun.
Also try things that make you uncomfortable like the rest of the world does from time to time and deal with it. You’ll get a great pay off in the end. You only feel awkward because you are awkward…just realize that some people find that sexy and don’t feel bad about it, just be who you are and that’s enough. Just get over the poor me’s and you’ll have it made.
I think the OP is stuck in his ‘comfort zone’. You have go outside of that to meet new people, and do new things. You have nothing to fear but fear itself. Volunteering is an awesome way to meet new people and get out doing things, but like someone else already said: do the volunteering to satisfy yourself first. It will be well worth it!
OP, there really are people out there who can love you for being exactly who you are. Are you trying to impress women? How do you do that? Do you put on a face, put on your best act and try to be charming following all the ‘rules’ of dating?
Stop trying (easier said than done). Concede to who you are, expose yourself (just be yourself) and, I guarantee, if you’re caught doing this by an interested female, true love will shortly follow. In the meantime, imagine unconditionally loving YOURSELF (what you look for in a mate, right?). It takes a lot of practice but life can only get better after that, with or without a romantic partner.
uh…. Don’t try so hard! ….
and for Logic’s SAKE,
Do Not Try To Imitate “Blind Date”
sadly, I concede, Kay has turned a new leaf.
Stop trying.
Stop trying for her to be the one.
Stop trying to get her to love you…
Stop trying to get her to be the one to try and love you.
Try to be the person that will attract the mate that will be the one to love you for what you love and what you expect in a person.
I guess… hell, I’m a random lunatic on a message board…
but it makes sense…. no?
Go on an git it.
Have you considered online dating? It’s a great way to meet people for those of us who are awkward in person. It helps break the ice and allows you to be yourself without being embarrassed.
Honestly, you’re not alone in your situation, so go and meet somebody right for you!
Have you ever heard of alcohol?
Wow. Nice Goin Fat was the good kid in this thread. Amazing.