To all the knaves trying to get in my knickers: just stop.
I’m through with those who aren’t even in my league behaving like spoiled princes. And for that matter: Ladies of Halifax who bend over backwards fawning over and servicing these men, know that they’re imbibing a false sense of entitlement and you’re doing a disservice to your sisters.
Finally, if there’s a bachelor out there who has evolved past the crude, arrogant, selfish, disrespectful and unfortunately prevalent style of “courtship” dominating the kingdom (and can meet his match in the industrious, audacious queen of the lovelies): Find yourself a star compass, a grappling hook and a bouquet of hand-picked tiger lilies and you come find me, sir. —Her Majesty
This article appears in Sep 16-22, 2010.
how about a devining rod some ragweed and a box of crackerjack would that get me some 🙂
Hey there Liz
now this sounds promising….
problem can be though that if you’re not the aggressive, uber-confident type, you get placed in the ‘friend zone’ faster than you can say ‘cheque please’.
out of curiosity, what’s the prevalent style of courtship to which you are referring?
The only way to beat your enemy is to know it.
and is it just me or does the whole
“is it a date, is it not a date”
“how long to wait before they think it’s smothering… or they get pissed if I wait too long”
suck pretty god damn bad.
See You Next Tuesday, your worshipfulness.
zZz…. you DO know that a little past the “friend zone” lies the “friend with benefit zone” right??? It’s right there- just before “god, i don’t know if we can be friends, let alone exist in the same room because we just had awkward sex” zone.
OP. I’m a huge fan of confident intelligent women. You however seem like a self absorbed little princes who uses passive aggressive techniques to try to force people to your point of view.
Figure out what you actually want, a man, woman, puppy, or a collection of cats for your old age. It really does not matter as long as you decide for yourself.
Just stop being so bitter. It’s not good for your health and it just pisses people off.
Hope you find happiness and I pity the person you hook up with unless you change.
jonno… I call bollocks unless an exorbitant amount of alcohol is present…. which usually makes it a bad idea, transitioning into the third territory of torture you so adamantly describe.
That zone doesn’t exist unless it was defined from the onset.
If the OP doesn’t know her place, most guys aren’t going to bother with her. Enjoy evolving and mutating into an old, mangled maid.
“I call bollocks unless an exorbitant amount of alcohol is present” zZz
I hear ya on that.
I think almost any friendship between m and f has the potential to go into the FWB zone, but it has to be at the exact right moment because once the time has past, the time has past. I have some male friends who I’d never EVER consider sleeping with, and other male friends who I could possibly, maybe consider getting into that zone with. I think the difference between the two groups is length of friendship. My oldest male friendship is going on 10 years and we’re more like family than anything so the idea of getting nakked with him skeezes me the hell out.
Sebastian….what “place” are we talking about her knowing? & zZz that zone only exists in a mythical land for one of the two parties involved.
I have a feeling OP thinks she’s hot shit because she “looks good.”
You know the type: bleach blonde hair, fake tits, orange complexion.
Totally high maintenance and totally not all that.
I always get the impression that these girls suck in bed.
PK….I so wanted to hear you say length of something other than friendship. Sorry to dirty it up.
“zZz that zone only exists in a mythical land for one of the two parties involved”
lost me there.
unless you know more about the OP or something else I’m not entirely privy to.
and Pk, something tells me the FWB zone either shows up relatively quickly when both aren’t really ready for a relationship…. or it’s full on friendship all the way…. for eternity…
or until the great divide occurs and someone is cut out.
a culling of the facebook perhaps..
Sorry zZz…I’m reading and working and going back and forth. I don’t think the “friends with benefit zone” exists. Someone always gets hurt because someone usually wants more out of the situation.
zZz: I’ll admit that I’ve had two FWB type friendships in my time and you’re sort of right about it happening relatively quickly. Four months in the first instance, however the “friendship” was pretty baseless compared to my real male friendships and the friendship kind of fizzled out all together once we both ended up in actual relationships with other people.
In the other instance we were friends for three years, but not really close friends and after THAT ended, I realized I couldn’t really stand his dumb ass.
So perhaps it’s a combo of length and type of friendship?
RC: the ONLY time I could ever fathom FWB actually working is if both parties had some sort of “deal breaker” to each other Like, one of my deal breakers is dumbassness. So I guess theoretically I could probably make it work with some guy who was a huge dumbass because I would never, ever consider being in a relationship with him no matter how much he turned me on sexually. haha
Or… if neither want to be in a relationship with anyone, period. I know after the last few years of my life, that is the LAST thing I need.
I know, i know….. ladies of the world, collectively haul out your boxes of kleenex… jonno is officially off the market.
Real Chick… It can ‘potentially’ exist irrelevant of the fact that it likely always ends badly…
but re-reading now makes your earlier post more legible.
oh, we’re getting into some juicy subject matter this wednesday…..
isn’t this like that ‘lost in translation’ movie?
I’ve never viewed but heard it was kind of like FWB…..ish…
*hears the faint sound of all the single ladies killing themself over jonno’s comment*
aw crap.
Friends with benefits is real & can work.
THe problem(s) happen when 1 or both get unrealistic ideas.
Sounds like what you need is a more accurately a ‘bed buddy’ relationship…where its just about mutual no strings sex ~;)
After all even not the best sex is often better than self abuse . ~8)
Don’t mind sebastian, Real Chick. He’s already in the lower tiers of human existance with his lifestyle choice or culture anyways. He’s just jealous that womens underwear looks better on women and not on him. And he’s looks like Sean Penn in Carlito’s Way.
wow, see what being a self centered bitch is like, just read this and thank your fucking lucky stars that you hopefully don’t know her, or would even want to. you can lick my nuts bitch.
Life Sucks, why are you so angry and bitter? It sounds awful for you? You have my sincere condolences for what must represent your many losses.
Courtship. Lol. If by that you mean rubbing crotches at The Dome, then yes courtship is alive and well. Also, to the ladies who say “he doesn’t treat me right!”, I’m giving you the side eye.
Side eye? Are you into girls Donkey? I swing that way too 😉
FWB can work and DO work… my best friend and I have random sex with each other if neither of us are sleeping with someone else. Although, I did have to work through my feeligns… but made it out feelings free!
… I’m not of the lesbonic variety, but whatever works for you. By side eye I just meant, look of disapproval.
What the hell??
LOL, NGF….I died when I read that… Carlitos way.
I’m sure FWB could totally work in some cases, I guess I just know that it can’t work for me. I like to cuddle…and I like the whole “no… I love u more” kinda mushy crap that makes most people sick. I’m sure I could fool myself into playing the part of FWB for awhile though….but in the long run I would feel bad about it.
Mmm… friends with benefits. I feel lucky that my boyfriend started off as a friend, we morphed into enjoying those benefits… (which was really all i wanted and needed at that point in my life) and eventually realized that I love him totally. Thankfully, it’s mutual! He’s still one of my best friends too.
It’s possible.
purplefire, can i be a fwb of yours too? will give you all the fun and games you can handle. get hold of me at my mail addy. gary_more@hotmail.com. i’m being all serious now.
and realchick, if you really want to talk of lengths, get hold of moi.
oh LS… you gave me that email when I was going under a different name last year. Sorry hun…
LS, there’s a bush over there that looks vaguely like a woman’s form.
why don’t you go hit on that?
or the mannequins at mills bros that look like a t-1000
I bet they could rock your world.
You know when you’re reading a book and in your head you have this perfect picture of what all the characters look like, then some person turns that book into a shitty movie and all the characters look so different then what you pictured? Well every day I read all your comments and I think I have you all pegged…then the next day you all say something that throws me off totally….I can’t figure out whose old and whose young and whose a man or woman. This is a pretty good never ending book though!
Mills is closed due to fire…you’ll have go across the street to Le Chateau….or wait till xmas time and Lilly’s has live manikins in her window.
sold.
*gets lawn chair and nibs*
time to watch the lilly channel.
FWB = too much damn work and I’m lazy.
Haha Real Chick. Shitty movie, righto. That reminded me of Twilight.
LS there are ladies on Gottigen at night and they probably don’t even need your e-mail. Problem solved!
I hate nibs.
How about dibs??? Cause those things are friggin unbelievable.
http://dibs.dreyers.com/
REAL CHICK…. you’d be amazed at how close to preconceived images some of the bitchers can end up becoming after meeting them. I know I have met and hung out with a handful who certainly have not let me down….. except for that zZz bloke… he still remains a truly complex myriad of absurdity…
I’m one twisted fuck….
luckily, I blend in in a crowd…
thus keeping my ninja identity a secret.
I am everyone and I am no-one…
kinda like Altaïr
i am an old bitty rc
paingirl…I thought you were young…like 27ish. LS I thought was an older man…like 50’s…but now I’m thinking dirty old man. zZz, I thought you played for the other team..but funny as hell…. but now I think otherwise… Pretty Kitty I thought was a man at first…sorry 🙂 …. TTFN I thought you were a crude old man at first …that was a year ago..I know better now.. and think we may be related if sarcasm is genetic!. NFG…You are so up in the air it’s not funny. Ivan…I think you’re in your 40’s…married. Jonna…. Your one of those “nice guys finish last types” someone who would be my BFF…maybe FWB….lol.
Hey OP (and other supposedly confident Hali-chicks), how about making the first move for once?
Us fellas, we REALLY like and appreciate that. And yes, we get tired/bored having to always be the first to speak. We like to be liked, just like you. That kind of forthright approach will make you stand out from the crowd faster that any proclaimation of your confidence and awesomeness (written on an anonymous forum) ever could.
And just so you know I’m the guy with the green bicyle and the blue eyes you feel like you’re falling into haha.
i was born in 1961 sweet rc, but most of the time i behave like a 12 yr. old. ivan is my age and we are both hitched. i’ll let the rest of you bitches speak for yourselves…*cough* word nerds rawk
oooh…. booer, did we see a love about you a few months ago? perhaps, perhaps… I saw a handsome man with a green bicycle the other day, standing on the corner near the lebanese place… wasn’t close enough to see your eyes though…
I hope NGF isn’t too high in the air, the ensuing fissures from his decent would destroy hrm as we know it.
I think of him more as a child version of the stay puft marshmallow man.
I came here from the planet glorax and am just learning about your crazy species before I decide if I want to take it over or not.
I’m on the fence…
you seem to be quite good at annihilating your own kind, though I think my species would be able to do it a tad quicker.
you’re just using so many god damn resources to excess that I’m not sure the planet would be worth the trip.
zZz – that calls for another good Carlin quote
If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
George Carlin
Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
George Carlin
I’m into girls, Purple 😀
in fact, you might just be right now…
lol There was no doubt in my mind who your into there NFG
Wanna smoke joints and eat donairs wih me? 😀
well ralmn, it coulda been me haha….
and yes, I’ve had a few loves thrown my way (and dished a few out myself), having had a very interesting life in the recent months 😉
this vortex is useful mr. boo et al
HAHAHA *looks down pants* yup, I can assure you that PK is very much female.
Also: NGF’s fat, in case you hadn’t picked that up.
Ride-in-a-cart-at-walmart fat, in fact. 😀
yeah, i’m an old fuck, but just to let you all know, a fairly fit one. i do the hunting, fishing thing when i can, and enjoy both the woods and the boudoir. i like to have a beer or 10 now and again, and run my own data service business out of my home. i stand 5-8, go about 160,black hair, mood ring blue eyes, sometimes a beard and mustache, and love to fuck with people’s heads. rosie knows who and what i am, and after saturday, so will comrade ivan. anyone else wants to see the suckster, well that can be arranged. anything else, mail me and you will get info. and oh yes, fuck the world, kill all the dirty fucking humans.
brought to you by…
L O W E R E D E X P E C T A T I O N S
How old is old?
Bitcher’s Summit is a go. Anyone wishing to Join Lifesucks and Ivan for a Saturday afternoon pint downtown are more than welcome. See rendezvous details in the Love section. (TBR – we’ll arrange another one for you later in the month – Deal?)
Anyone who looks like he’s there to serve a subpoena will be set upon, soundly thrashed and turfed into the harbour with the rest of the trouser trout .
I couldn’t arrange for Peacekeepers so lets keep it fun, at least until the first round has been paid for. >; )
NGF is not that fat… he’s actually really cute 🙂
You all seem like a laugh… I wonder if it would be at all awkward if everyone got together… would you talk as much as you do now?
I can’t speak for anyone else PF but I’m pretty much the same jackwagon in 3-d as I am here. After all, the real world can scarcely be less absurd than the interweb, no?
Depending on who’s left alive after tomorrow, perhaps bitcher’s brunches will become semi regular events.
Frig! Can’t make it tomorrow – would love to see you all in 3-D though. NFG…I can’t help but picture you as Silent Bob. I have no idea why…but that’s what I’m getting..especially after PF said about the shopping cart…lol.
I think tomorrows event, no one will get a word in. Imagine if we could cut each other off in mid sentence on LTWWB…mayhem!
the next event will be….
http://www.alphastrike.ca/
oh yes… it will.
Prepare to die bitches…
NGF…I’m assuming the J & D’s were for PF….but we could definitely hang! (Totally not stepping in on ur man there PF…I’m happily in a relationship 🙂
Count me in zZz.
I am such a huge fan of Silent Bob 😉
RC, I feel like your name shoudl be Cool Chick.
NGF… I don’t do donairs, but I’m all about J’s.
PF…thanks! I have multiple personalities so some days I’m cool…but most days just real. Big fan of Silent Bob too.
zZz…just read your profile….laughed my ass off at points….can’t see the shyness at all…and totally agree with how much you hate the chocolate oranges. The one thing that REALLY caught my eye…is that TMNT sewer??? really? I have a 3 year old son and I just bought him all the dvd’s of every episode…now whenever we walk anywhere he’s obsessed with man hole covers.
I’m glad my lack of life amuses you.
I’d say it’s more social awkwardness than shy…
I am a bit of a nutter boffin and all….
I don’t know what a nutter boffin is. I wasn’t checking you out cause I’m browsing the match.com section…you had mentioned the pics of your new ink somewhere on a post so I was being nosey. I did notice that we’re part of the same club (divorce)…mind you so is 75% of the population so it’s not really all that exclusive. I just joined the dirty 30’s club 2 months ago.
I’m sure you have a busy life! lots of girls probably replied to your ad…you sound really funny and easy going. If I were in the market I’d contact you for friendship only…but I’m sure I could find you a hot chick…minus the orange tan and attitude.
For RC and PF! Since PF isn’t a donair person I can change hers to frozen yogurt and Js!
(nu-tter) n. 1. a crazy person 2. someone who is psychotic Used in the UK to describe f#@ked up people.
boffin: In the slang of the United Kingdom, Australia, New Zealand, India and South Africa, boffins are scientists, medical doctors, engineers, and other people engaged in technical or scientific research.
… I would totally do the laser tag thing. Just putting it out there.
Or we could create a gay called Ultimate Smoking. It’d be like Ultimate Frisbee except we bring joints and get baked instead.
How do you create a gay?
Excessive mothering…….Just kidding >; )
Ask sebastian’s breeder mom.
they get pixilated by “fairy” dust than they’re all gay like yep 🙂
Ok, so somewhere between excessive mothering and pixy dust, a gay is born. My next question is, how do you create a gay with the specific name “Ultimate Smoking”?
I’d make a reference to “Burning Ring of Fire” but that’s juvenile, even by my exalted standards so I won’t.
True story.
Written on the wall of a womens washroom “My Mother made me a Lesbian”,under it “Can she make one for me too?
BAHAHAhAHA. I meant ‘game’.
PF: “NGF is not that fat… he’s actually really cute :)”
HAHAHAHA. You obv haven’t seen a recent and/or body shot.
Man. That guy’s got a set of bitch tits that could give heidi montag a run for her money 😀
<3, you, NGF :D
I’m not sure if I should be happy or offended by having my own ‘Summit’. Ever the eternal optimist, I will go with happy. 😀 😀
excellent sweet thang that’s the idea^^ i was havin a re-look at the ob…horse poop smells nice. old hay with too much urine, like a punch in the face…love ya monkeyxoevilmomlady
Fat people still cute!
Absolutely LeRoseNoire. And in fact, The Suckster has family commitments today so it appears as if the future, To Be Announced Bitcher’s Summit 1.1 will be the big one.
Cryptic message Painey – Mom’s B-day?
anytime you want fun p.f., you know hot to get hold of me, it could be marvelous.
no it was for the boy general, when he found something particularly smelly he said it felt like a punch in the face^^suckster used the word nefarious a while back, i knew my clandestine plan was starting to work. words rawk
Does anybody know if we’ve thrown in the towel in the Global War on Terror becasue the downtown has been overrun with dudes in funny hats and while I have yet to see anybody beheaded for the crime of apostasy, they are carrying on on with the sort of gay abandon that could only mean the declaration of the long awaited World Wide Caliphate.
what kinda funny hats general? better not be the mickey mouse club. i dislike those smarmy little feckers
Did I miss something again? No one was at the store for the summit. Oh well, at least I got out for a nice drive.
i work every saturday, but i’m going to endeavour to visit the admiral in future. i’m gonna be all like the spy who came in from the cold. ya know collar up, big shades, speaking in code. teehee
Col., the Atlantic Film Festival is on, maybe that’s why.
Painey, The fezes were familiar but I couldn’t place the names.
Hugo – Unless zZz managed to disguise himself as the 12 year old panhandler who was flipping everybody off on B-St. this morning, nobody showed. Are you sure you got the right place? We’re the one that doesn’t sell concert tickets or have a wall of dildos. We are the place where bin-Laden might be hiding, along with Flight 19 and Amelia Earhart’s luggage. I was being extra nice to people at noon and nobody asked if I was a bitch ,or even if I was Ivan >: (.
NotsoNewt – AFF might explain the goofy costumes and scimitars but not the silly little cars. Mind you , there’s been a bucketload of high strangeness going on downtown today. Anybody see Batman walking up Barrington around 9:45? You just know the swarmings have gotten out of control if Kelley & Beazely have had to break out the Bat-signal.
Juliet Whiskey Delta, corner of Barrington & young male nobility, right? I was there apx. 12:50. Next Time : )
Dang Hugo – did you make it upstairs? >: ( But right – next time. Maybe we’ll pick a bar and insist on everyone wearing funny hats for easy I.D. I’ve got a fake fur ushanka straight from the gulag by way of Hudson’s Bay Co. And something tells me Paingirl can really rock a Glengarry. Och Screeeeeeeee!.
one saturday when you least expect it i will darken your doorway…i’m not a shrinking violet^^but i am incapable of subtrefuge…loud voice rawk
That’ll be the code word. TeeTotally grooving on the trench coat, dark glasses and trilby hat. Anyone know where I can get a CD of zither music. Cue up the “Third Man Theme” for Painuchka. Roooooooooo.
This is better than Corrie.
which i am watching as we speak, but the bitch has much better entertainment value
Better acting too.