Dear 20/80

Here is the correct order in which the weekend’s events should have occurred: Make me a banana choc smoothie, tell me about your ‘technical’ breakup, I’ll throw said smoothie in your face, and we can skip the rest. Thank you for understanding.

Sincerely,

—I would advise not messing with a Scorpio, particularly not a brunette one, in the future

This article appears in May 11-17, 2017.