Anyone who dates in Halifax knows just how small this city is. Looking for love in the HRM requires patience, openness and the ability to throw your dignity right out the window. It’s humbling and often demoralizing, especially the first date.
But good things don’t happen unless you try, and and first dates are a necessary step to finding the person (or persons) who you want to share your life with. (Or, more importantly, split bills and share resources with.)
Over 1,200 of our readers took part in our 15th annual Sex + Dating Survey and weighed in on topics surrounding the first date: Where should one go? Who pays? What do we talk about? The results provide a nifty guide for singles looking to navigate the Halifax dating scene.
What makes a good first date?
Hookup culture tells us it’s sex, but Jean-eva Dickie, owner and matchmaker with The Book of Love (a professional matchmaking service based in Halifax), says it’s more about the potential for friendship. First dates are essentially to suss the vibe. In short, you’ll know the first date was successful if you want a second one.
“A great first date is important,” Dickie tells The Coast over the phone. “But I see first dates as just an introduction to see if you enjoy each other enough to spend more time together. Oftentimes, we put far too much pressure on a first date that we're a completely different person for that first date that we end up, you know, just bombing it.”
There is a good reason why we feel so much pressure around that first date—40% of our survey takers say that they can tell whether things will work out or not after the first date. But still, try to relax.
Figuring out the first date
The administrative tasks involved in planning a date are a chore, so let us help you narrow down all the seemingly endless, but also somehow scarce, first date ideas. More than 50% of our survey respondents agree that a low-key drink or coffee date is the best option for that first meetup.
“I like to keep it short and sweet to an hour or an hour and a half max,” says Dickie. “That’s so, number one, we can leave more to the imagination, we can leave people wanting more. And also just so that we can not get too stressed out and you’re not thinking ‘this is going to be my entire evening, it’s gonna be a three- or four-hour date and we're going to talk ourselves out of attraction.’ I think an evening date is best, maybe sharing a drink together, or a coffee and a walk if you're going super low key.”
The worst activity for a first date? “It’s got to be dinner and a movie,” says Dickie. “I think dinner dates in general are a bad idea for the first date.”
Still unsure of where to go? Here’s a handful of recommendations from both our survey and Dickie:
- Stillwell (any of its locations)
- Obladee Wine Bar
- The Boardroom Cafe
- Henry House
- The Propeller Arcade
- Coffee and a walkabout
Once you’re on the date
Don’t talk about yourself too much, and ask questions about the person you’re with. A whopping 71% of our survey respondents say that “being curious about me” is the best way to impress someone on a date, and almost 33% of respondents feel “talking about oneself too much” is a common mistake made on first dates.
“Be considerate of the other person,” says Dickie. “Arrive early, appreciate their time. Come looking nice; now I'm not saying be overdressed but, go home and get yourself looking nice for this date. And oftentimes, when we arrive on dates, we just came from work and half of our head is still at work, or you’re thinking about something in your personal life. Try to be present on the date, showing up on the date as yourself and being present is super important.”
General conversation topics to avoid are the Big Three: Money, religion and politics. That’s not to say don’t make sure you’re not on the same page around those topics, just that it might not be the best first date conversation material.
And lastly, on the matter of who pays on the first date, the majority of you (45.1% of our respondents) agree that splitting the bill is the way to go. So that settles that.
Ideally, you’ve now taken away some solid nuggets of advice to help you succeed on a first date and, hopefully, the many more that will follow. Don’t be nervous. What’s the worst that can happen?
Halifax shares its worst date stories
“Went to Freeman’s on a Saturday night, we ordered nachos, I ordered a Keith’s, and he ordered a pint of milk.”
“He watched a basketball game over my head for two hours then expected me to go home with him.”
“Went out for drinks with a guy I’d met at a bar. He mocked my interests and called me a basic white chick (he was also white) and then told me he was actually moving out of province in a couple days so we should hook up now while we have the chance. I left the date early to go hookup with a FwB instead.”
“Dinner at a semi-fancy restaurant in Bedford. He shows up looking like he's going to a hip hop concert. Proceeds to almost shovel the meal in his mouth. Talked continuously with his mouth full. AND THE ICING ON THE CAKE—he opened his wallet to get his bank card out to pick his teeth!!!”
“Going out with her parents to a bar.”
“Shat myself at Canada’s Wonderland.”
“Double date going nowhere for anyone. Switched dates and we all ended up married after the switch. All great friends now too.”
“Got drunk threw up.”
“Went to Bitter End and the guy stole my money.”
“He got a call from his grandma and said he was with ‘the boys’ before getting me to drop him off at a party where he fucked another girl in the bathroom as soon as he got there.”
“He was 30 minutes late and made several jokes about having bodies buried in his field. And talked exclusively about himself throughout the entire meal. I got the hell outta there immediately after dinner.”
“She reminded me of my mum.”
“I cooked a new dish and two bites in, she asked to go home.”
“At a movie she ‘shushed’ me. I drove her home.”
“She talked all night about her ex, then started crying while I was driving her home telling me how much she missed him.”
“We fought for two hours about politics (e.g. ‘women are inherently insecure about their gender’) and he still expected me to sleep with him.”
“She shit her pants but wouldn't leave.”
“He didn't bring a wallet on purpose to ‘weed out gold diggers’ so I had to pay for his coffee.”
“I asked him to come back to my place and drunkenly made him learn how to play crib. Poor guy.”
“Asked when we're getting naked within 5 minutes of meeting.”
“First date. He took me for a drive to the middle of nowhere in Porters Lake for no reason. I thought I was going to be murdered.”
“Taking me to her place to watch YouTube videos about car reviews and eat chicken ‘tendies.’”
“We were in the middle of having sex when his phone began ringing incessantly and so he finally answered it. It was his father calling to tell him that his cat had just eaten all of his weed and needed to be taken to the vet immediately. He threw on his clothes and left me naked on my couch. Obviously he is a good guy if he cares this much about his cat. Only being left unsatisfied sucked.”
“He was talking about how he felt about his circumcision 10 minutes into the date and never asked me a single question.”
