Lezlie Lowe

Oh, Danny Williams! He’s floatin’ my boat. He’s tingling my spine. He’s charming the pants off me. I don’t care if his head’s a perfect rectangle, his hair looks like Chachi’s from Happy Days and he’s a jeezly progressive conservative. I’d have voted for him from here if I was allowed. Newfoundlanders and Labradorians can […]

And you thought the PeaceMaker was Jesus. Apparently it’s quite a bit more scatological than the saviour. Or, well, urological, anyway. The PeaceMaker is a gizmo released this summer; by its proper name, it’s the PeaceMaker Toilet Seat Lifter. It’s a toilet-seat-attached foot-lever (just like the kind you see at the base of a trash […]

I have a sexually transmitted infection. It was so long ago that I contracted the damn thing, it was called a sexually transmitted disease. Thing is, it never felt like one. A disease, that is. Because no one ever told me about HPV. The sex-ed I received was shockingly and sadly out of touch with […]

How come I’m not on the cover of Us, people? Because I’m all about “bizarre nudity” in front of my kids (wailing in a high-pitched sing-song at the back door for the cat to come in before bed, does that count?). I’m also guilty of demanding the kids share my bed (when I want to […]

You love Ikea. You totally do, because if you don’t, you have no taste and you know it. You’re tacky. You lack all sense of design, and probably, you own a beige floral print sofa with a pleated dust ruffle along the bottom. You do, don’t you? I knew it. If you love Ikea—and most […]

Everyone swears, don’t they? I don’t mean that “COCKSUCKA!” Deadwood brand of extreme profanity. But everyone swears—toe stubbing (quick out of the mouth: goddamnit!), telling your kid to get her shoes and sweater on and finding her 10 minutes later in underwear reading a book (under breath, teeth clenched: jesus, jesus, jesus), getting doored on […]

Do you record your phone calls, archiving them by dropping the tapes into a shoebox on your desk? Like that one to your mum from last Sunday, when all she did was complain about her boss and your only response was, “That su-ucks.” Did you? No. Of course not. But if it was an email […]

The principle of competition is a worthy one, any level-headed business owner will tell you. Now, mercifully, the concept is being thrust in at least one right direction in our city—graffiti. I’m not talking about tagger wars (Does such a thing exist in Halifax? All I ever see are little carpet bombs of the wretched […]