I hate the movie theatre rocker seats! I’m tall and I like my kneecaps, so when you sit your fat ass down in front of me, don’t throw yourself in the seat. Gently sit down and do NOT rock on! It’s not a frickin’ metal concert! —G. Rant
This article appears in May 24-30, 2018.


You just made me kiss my streaming box repeatedly.
And while you’re at it, TURN OFF YOUR FUCKING PHONE. Thank you.