Working in food and beverage for eight years means that from a young age I was exposed to sexual harassment and sexual assault. I was made to feel that the gain and devotion of a customer mattered much more than the concerns and protection of an employee.
Women are brought up hearing that we should cover up, we should shut up and we should change how we feel because the way we feel is too sensitive. Instead of voicing our lack of comfort, we should just accept these standards because that’s the way it is and that is the industry we chose. It was all our choice. â¨â¨
At the ages of 16 and 19, I did not choose to have my co-workers sexually assault me. I never wanted to tell my bosses about these issues and why I am justified in feeling sensitive and anxious in the workplace, only to be told to get over it, deal with it and hear that in order to work in this industry, I “cannot be so sensitive.” I never asked a co-worker to tell me the only reason I make good tips is because I “have big tits,” and tell me I am “choosing to be offended” by his comments.
“I have constantly had to fight to be treated like a human being.”
When informing my boss of this harassment, it was ignored. I can tell you it never mattered what environment I was in because I have worked in them all and they were all incredibly unsupportive. I have constantly had to fight to be treated like a human being.
Why are so many restaurant owners in this city pretending this poor treatment and lack of concern does not exist? Women are getting harassed and assaulted within their establishments. They need to initiate a change.
There are multiple programs across Canada for industry workers to get properly trained on how to safely challenge sexual violence. It is about time we provided this kind of training for industry workers in Halifax. More people need to be educated, while others need to feel safer. We need this training and we need more restaurant owners making the statement that they do not stand for this toxic behaviour.
To all of my brave ladies out there, we do not need to feel useless or unable to stand up for what is right. We are not the ones who need to change, but we will fight until we see a difference.
I’ve made the choice to leave my hospitality education so I can pursue a career devoted to helping women and ensuring this happens.
For those who have struggled with similar experiences, I will help you gain your voice. I will help you build yourself up. I will help you rise and be heard. I can’t say that in every job we have we won’t be viewed as big-tits, big-ass, big-sensitive-vagina, but we will make it stop. â¨â¨
Ladies, don’t give up. Don’t shut up. Don’t cover up. And don’t ever change how you feel. We are strong and we are stronger together.
Sensitivity does not mean you are weak or wrong. Opening up does not mean you are admitting to being a victim, it means you are acknowledging that you are a hero.â¨
â¨Voice of the City is a platform for any and all Halifax individuals to share their diverse opinions and writings. The Coast does not necessarily endorse the views of those published. Our editors reserve the right to alter submissions for clarity, length, content and style. Want to appear in this section? Submissions can be sent to voice@thecoast.ca.
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This article appears in Feb 9-15, 2017.
“Sensitivity does not mean you are weak or wrong.”
No, not exactly…
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensory_proc…
The owners know it exists, the ones you’ve encountered just don’t give a fuck.
Hands up who has worked in food service and knows a waitress that was fucking the owner/manager. You can’t see me but I’ve got two hands up.
To be fair, there are a few stand up owners/managers out there who will not stand for the abuse you have described. Good luck!
I’m not sure what happened to the comment that said the problem is “simple” to fix by leaving a job or report a criminal assault… I don’t think you can put all these scenarios and give a “simple” solution by leaving the workplace or filing criminal assault. Most people rely on their jobs to pay bills, rents – their basic living expenses that forbid them to leave their job, or they’re scared to seek help.
Let’s have a little empathy. I am lucky to say that I have never had to endure situations like Meaghan has at her workplace, but I can understand how difficult it may be to speak out to a manager. It can be scary just thinking about the backlash it may occur.
It’s story like Meaghan’s that helps others to relate and make the issue more visible to the society that tries to ignore it. I don’t think she’s trying to highlight feminism… just asking for human dignity and respect for each other.. and to give AF if it’s happening around you.
Dear Cranky….. You are entitled to your opinion based on your outlook and experience. But: what does two consenting adults having sex compared to a female being harassed at her work place have anything to do with the other? Harassment involves shame, embarrassment, humiliation etc.. consensual sex involves and lets hope: laughter, passion, awesome and orgasm.. for both!.
I am not picking on you, honestly. I am merely hoping my words may educate you to broaden your perspective on the world around you.
You’re entitled to your opinion.. as a fellow person with experience in the world and emotions that ensue. But from people to people, not just a woman’s side: being on the down side with no power and feeling that humiliation for whatever reason sucks!
Consensual sex has nothing to do with it! Perhaps “that waitress” is having sex with the owner/manager…. okay two adults having sex. Who knows if that “sex” equated to the good feelings I related to earlier…. or the negative? Your comment points the finger at the waitress. I want you to seriously think about anytime you’ve been harassed.. it comes in many forms. Try to personalize with this woman and her story of being human being and not wanting to feel scared and a bag of shit while trying to earn a living.
Thank you for sharing your story. Too many times this isnt seen.
Some people will react in fear to your strength in speaking about these things.
But please know that there are many more who will silently appreciate your power
Or possibly, those who will surprise themselves (as i have) and say thank you.
to be involved with someone at work is not the same as being sexually harassed and scared to turn up to work everyday. also, women often have to put up with that kind of shit because they actually do have to pay their bills and it also took x amount of time to get that said job. women often think maybe i can be silent and put up with it because i have in the past and its just become status quo. its a systemic and a constant fight individual women have to go through in order to be just like a dude waiting in the same restaurant. women put up with uncomfortable and unnecessary harassment because speaking up can get you fired. it got me fired when i spoke up after months of harassment. Im a strong woman, and taking stupid petty comments can only go on for so long, once you finally say something, you’re turned into a bitch and an unreasonable human being who is expected to just let it slide because most of us do and have being doing it for so long.
the excuse “i know employees fucking the owner” does not fly with this article when it’s put into the context of free will. people who work together often become close and find attraction with one another, its human nature. the difference is that when you finally tell a manager of your abuse, you’re told it’s just the way they are, because it’s likely there are have been complaints before, and or the owner/manager just doesn’t care about women’s integrity. when a manager and or employee pressures you to put up with harassment and sexual assault to keep your job and you remain silent because you are intimidated and scared, the situation becomes entirely different. no man has any idea what it means to be advanced on and silenced in fear, and then have to show up to work the next day, where you either pray that he’s not working or wont bother with your silence and or hope that by saying something to your manager, the issue will be handled appropriately. its often not the case, particularly in the service industry. personally speaking, from age 16-22, with 3 consecutive serving jobs, sexual harassment and advances have been made by male employees, managers and owners.
my frustration doesnt even compare with what many other females go through on a day to day basis, as this article highlights. its really appalling and unacceptable that all of the women in my family can attest to this and all the women I know have shared at least one similar experience since they have started work.
Even without reading all of those long posts I know I shouldn’t have thrown that comment in there. I think I just had two things going on and should have stuck to one.
I still stand by my other points, harassment is a management issue and if the boss doesn’t give a fuck, good luck to you. No, quitting is not the right answer, but unfortunately in low paying high turnaround jobs like waiting tables, it can be the only legitimate way out.
Hey, I’m on your side, believe it or not.
I’d say men get sexually assaulted more than women in bars, we just either don’t care or get laughed at if we tell anybody. I don’t know how many times a girl has slapped my ass or grabbed my junk, and then when I get annoyed with them they laugh about it.
The Grease: it’s not a competition. And yes, it can happen to anyone.