The wait is over. I’m leaving this space as a columnist.
What’s that I hear?
Gasps? Sighs?
The odd meh?
Ahh…but there’s the din too, I am certain, of cheering. I just trolled through my email “letter” archive from 2009 and was reminded of a mere sprinkling of my journalistic sins—that I am, apparently, a racist, though only targeting Caucasians; that I write a string of columns filled with “nonsense bullshit”; that I wrongly encourage “little citizen-warriors” on “ill-informed crusades.”
Oh. Wait. There’s this one too: “You are mentally ill and should seek professional help.” Which, if you think about it, is kind of a sweet, heartening note to send someone you don’t even know. Awww…
So, come on, read on. It is the last one. And, pfft, I know you will anyway. Because, plainly, you always have, despite that really desperate column I wrote about a dream I had (and not even an interesting dream—I was at Neptune for Christ’s sake), despite the time I predicted internet shopping would never take off (heh heh…yeeeaah…) and despite once leaving a spelling error in a column where I was railing against the sad state of other people’s grammar, punctuation and spelling. (And not even on purpsoe to make the point.)
I have to admit, I’m halfway through this thing and I don’t know, really, how to land the plane. A goodbye column? How the hell do you write one of those? Oh, hold on, I’ll Google it.
Ahhh. I see. You’re waiting for the long-drawn-out whinge-pot of here-are-the-things-I’ve-learned and here-are-the-wonderful-people-I’ve-met. You won’t get it.
Well, OK. Just this: hyperbolic crankiness is good when you’re writing an opinion column designed not for the good of all humankind—not to sweetly sway the masses to see what is Right and Good and Better for our society—but designed to get the people who are already on your side singing in the chorus with you and to get the rest of the world squawking about your, um, what was it? Oh. Yeah. Nonsense bullshit.
I admit: that gleaning is designed more for the writers in the crowd than the readers. (Psst: there may be an opening at The Coast. Send a boxed chocolate cake, a bottle of Cava and a $25 money order to 5567 Cunard Street c/o Lezlie Lowe and I’ll see what I can do to help get you in.)
Attributed inflammatoriness (yes, she’s making up words again…) is positive. Truly. Because when you poke people, see, they start to talk. And communication (apart from staving off the bubbling fret that you will keel over in the bathroom one afternoon quite before your time, like poor dead Brittany Murphy) is the reason for life on earth, isn’t it?
So will you miss our little talks? We’ve been together 13 years, after all, and we all know our closest relationships are with the people who drive us nuts the most.
American journalist and humourist Helen Rowland wrote a lot about relationships in the early half of the 20th century. She famously penned this zinger: “A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it.”
Oh, fuck that already.
Lezlie Lowe is staying on at The Coast as a features writer (watch for her cover story about the aftermath of violent crime next week). She will be scratching the column-writing itch Saturdays in a Halifax Newspaper Which Must Not
Be Named.
This article appears in Jan 7-13, 2010.
I saw the announcement in my morning Herald. Its somewhat ironic that she is going to be employed by the people her current boss goes on about how they’re cutting back on local talent. (I say somewhat ironic because I realize the difference between puff-pieces like what LL will be doing and the hard news investigative stuff that Tim is going on about)
Lezlie, I’ve always admired your ability to provoke through your column. Whether I agreed or disagreed with what you wrote, I always read it because I knew it would evoke a reaction, and that is, after all, what we all want as writers.
You’re awesomely awesome!
Great news that you’re sticking with the features, Lezlie. I look forward to the next one…
Well, I must say, you will be missed in the hallowed pages (web and paper) of The Coast. I’ve read probably all of your columns, even since moving away from Halifax, and I’ve enjoyed each one. You have a certain way with words, a way I find humorous and engaging. So good luck Lezlie, keep voicing your opinions. They need to be heard.
I saw the notice as well, I hope you’re not ginna take over from that silly McDuffy bloke: Today we’re going to drop in on the tea-ladies at Northwood and talk about “those crazy kids”, next a luch-time visit to the site of the new library, and then a careful scrutinizing and critique of the latest meeting of the municipal water board…finally a little stroll around your garden, moaning about the good ole days *yawn*…
Jeesus that guy drove me nuts. My retired socialist quaker dad says he thinks The Halifax PTMNBN’ed is taking a decided turn to the center-left ( compared to most city rags like that awful paper that MUST be named, the TO Sun…*shiver*).
At any rate, I HAVE read some good opinion in the HPTMNBN’ed, and as long as this one doesn’t bore us all too much with the “murder-of-the-week” that this paper is known for, and remembers to stop all that cussin’, she’ll do fine…Look forward to it…
I will miss your column as much as I miss having you as a neighbour… btw it’s a lot!
Cheers and Best wishes!
Lezlie,
I will miss your column as much as I miss having you as a neighbour! BTW – it’s a lot Girl!
Best Wishes From Creighton Street!
Dawn
Good for ya Leslie. I was often one of those people that would comment on it as “nonsense” or “bullshit”, but you always evoked thoughtful discussion in my household at least. Hopefully the Herald works out for you.
@Cranky
(…I realize the difference between puff-pieces like what LL will be doing and the hard news investigative stuff that Tim is going on about)
Lezlie will still be writing her award-winning investigative stories, like this week’s heart-wrenching feature about violence against women. She is one of the city’s finest reporters, and I do not stand for this slag.
I cannot say I will miss this column. I’m not a big fan and won’t miss it, as mean as that may sound. I’ve found it either immensely boring or slightly crazy. I do hope The Coast will replace it with something more interesting.
I wonder why the author of an opinion column would get upset that someone disagrees with her opinion. If you write a highly public column you’re going to have people disagree and probably disagree rudely/cruelly. If you don’t like that, go write a blog under an assumed name.
I also wonder why, upon being presented perfectly logical refutations of the nonsense Lowe has published over time, no retraction or even further evidence/argument has ever been offered from her (although, I do admit that I’ve not read every single column so there is a chance I did miss something like that at some point).
Oh well. Bye.
Meh.