A few quick hits | Savage Love | Halifax, Nova Scotia | THE COAST

A few quick hits

A kinkster goes vanilla, wonders what to tell his girlfriend. Plus: Foot fetishes, gay for pay and awkward bondage scenarios.

Q I'm a straight male kinkster who used to do live performances as a rope bondage top, but I recently jumped out of the kink community. I just think I'll have better luck finding a long-term relationship with a girl from the vanilla world. So long as she's GGG, I can live with it. As much as I loved the sex/kink with people I met in "the scene," I never found anything/anyone for the "long term."

My question: I'm unsure of how much I should share about my past. Should I tell vanilla girls that I performed at bondage shows? I don't want to scare them off, but I also don't want it to come up years down the road and have it scare them off then. —Should He Always Reveal Experiences?

A When something awesome, interesting or commendable about you scares someone off—your fun and sexy kinks, your sexually adventurous history—your best course of action is to shrug and say "good riddance." But if you're afraid the otherwise GGG woman you recently met on a vanilla dating app or in a vanilla drinking establishment will panic and bolt, SHARE, you can wait to disclose your history of tying people up in front of crowds until she's gotten to know you better. Your past as a bondage performer doesn't present a health risk for the GGG women you'll be tying up in private, SHARE, so you can go ahead and roll it out slowly. But do roll it out eventually.

If you find that you're unable to locate any LTR-worthy women in the vanilla world—just like you couldn't find any in the fetish scene—then the problem was you, SHARE, not the scene.

Q The thought of my wife being with another guy is a fantasy of mine. We'll sometimes role-play that she has just come home from a fling, at which point I'll go down on her while she tells me all the sexy condomless details. For health reasons, we aren't going to actually do this. But can you recommend some substance that feels and perhaps even tastes like come that she can, um, insert into herself to add a sexy dose of verisimilitude to our play? It's got to be safe and non-irritating for her, but it needs to look and maybe taste like semen.— Boy After Realistic Emulsions

PS: This isn't a cuckold thing for us, as I have no desire to be humiliated. It's more of a "hot wife" fantasy with a guy/guy bi twist.

A There's a brand of silicone lubricant called Spunk that looks and feels—can you guess?—just like spunk. You might not want to guzzle bottles of it, BARE, but ingesting a little safe-and non-irritating silicone lube isn't going to kill you. Order yourself a case at spunklube.com.

Q I am a bisexual married father who recently fell on hard times. In order to make rent, I posted a few Craigslist ads, and now I occasionally suck dick for money. I don't intend to tell my wife, but I'm getting frequent STI tests.

I'm kind of freaked out by how not freaked out I am. I mean, sucking 15 cocks for cash just to make rent seems pretty extreme, but aside from some low-level shame, I feel OK about it.

Do you think regular people occasionally do this? And should I feel bad? —Paying Bills Regularly

A Tons of stories were written at the height of the Great Recession about average people doing sex work to make ends meet, PBR. So lots of "regular people" have done sex work. (And sex workers? They're regular people, too.) And while I don't think you should feel bad, PBR, I do think you should tell the wife. Regular STI testing will only let you know that you've caught an STI, if you should ever catch one—it doesn't immunize you against catching an STI. So your wife, if you're having sex with her, too, has a right to know where the rent money is coming from.

Q A friend of mine who indulged my foot fetish (let me jack off while looking at and fondling her feet) while we were dating mentioned recently that lots of women would be up for indulging it for the right price. I replied, "Well, sure, but you can't just walk up to women on the street and be like, 'Hey, can I jack off to your feet for $100?'" She said, "The internet, duh." My question: Is it illegal to offer money for such services online? What kind of risk would I be running if I ran an ad that hinted at what I'm interested in without getting too explicit? —Cash For Toes

A The risk of being busted for an ad like that—particularly if there's no explicit offer of cash in exchange for sexual services—is low, CFT, but not non-existent. Busting consenting adult sex workers and johns is easier than catching thieves, rapists and murderers, and it all but guarantees a police department some positive coverage on the local evening news. But the risk, again, is pretty small, and the rewards—for a foot fetishist—would be pretty great.

Just remember the escort-ad dodge: You're paying someone for their time—for their companionship—and whatever happens during that time is between two consenting adults.

Q My boyfriend, Jack, is into pretty intense bondage (in addition to the vanilla sex we have all the time). Some light bondage with sex is fine, but I don't like the kind of bondage he does because it's way too much for me—and we can't exactly have sex when he's in layers of latex gear, hooded and gagged, strapped down inside a coffin-like "bondage box" with the lid closed and padlocked shut. We don't have that kind of gear, but he knows some older guys who do. I'm uncomfortable with the idea of him going over to play with these men without me there, but I find these bondage sessions really tedious. I also don't like feeling pressured to get tied up myself by two guys that I like well enough but don't find attractive at all. Is letting him go over there without me the only workable solution? — Jack In The Box

A Yup.

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