For reasons unbeknownst to me, director Frank Coraci and a slew of writers birthed Zookeeper. Dumped by his bombshell GF (Leslie Bibb), zookeeper Griffin (Kevin James) schemes to win her back half a decade later with the help of the chatty animals he cares for and his sexy colleague (Rosario Dawson), who harbours a crush on him (really?), and...have I lost you yet? Then I’ve made my point. Zookeeper's lesson is best left in pre-school: be yourself. Or, in Griffin’s case: don’t let that blonde bitch boss you around, the zoo is your calling, man! Not even a talkative menagerie can unify such disparate cinematic elements---a directionless, ambitious plot, jokes so predictable you don’t need to hear them and bizarre montages (including a gorilla’s day out at TGI Friday’s). – Molly Segal