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Top Ten Olympic Sports 

in my humble opinion

Someone asked me yesterday, "What are the best olympic sports?" and I said "for Canada?" and I said "I don't know. We're not really winning anything." and they said "No, dummy. What are your favourite olympic events?"Here's what I would have said if I had thought about it then:1. Pole vault: Get over yourself, gravity. Watching people hop high on a bendy stick (or have major springy-stick-related accidents) is probably the coolest thing. It's all run-run-run-wedge-stick-in-slot-bend-bounce-release-hop-over-bar-hopefully-land-on-mat. Fun to watch, over quickly, and classic. Bonus points for being old-school track and field event. Not like stupid beach volleyball.2. Sprint, dash, fast running: This is the core of the olympics. Pushing the unadorned human body to its absolute limits. Fast. You can just see cavemen running from tigers and bears and cheetahs going that fast. 3. Swimming: Same deal. Even moreso. Human body challenged to the limit in a medium that isn't really all that natural for it. If the atmosphere on earth was thicker, olympic flying would be awesome, too. 4. Cycling: I think I like cycling better than swimming, actually. It's not as natural as running or jumping or swimming, but it's waaaay faster.5. Shotput: Throwing. Heavy. Unencumbered. Again: Evolutionary advantage---best thrower kill most deer. Most deer eat mean more babies. Most babies: Genetic advantage...and so on. Darwin-approved.6. Javelin: Same thing. Throw good, eat more.7. Boxing: It just gets the adrenaline pumping. I'm not all for violence, but violence with weird rules is OK. 8. Diving: Ever since I was a kid and heard about the guy who did a fancy dive off the tall diving boards at Kinsmen Pool and smacked his head on the lower platform and landed in a heap in the pool and sank to the bottom, I've always cringed in fear every time I've watched the elaborate dives in the olympics. Why this translates into a #8 favourite is completely beyond me.9. Equestrian: Horses are fun. Horse dancing events (dressage?) are boring, but the jumping events are cool. I want a horse. 10. Beer drinking: Some day, some day. It makes all the other events better---why not make it official. Make sub categories for each sport: Beer-drinking triathlon would be infinitely better than plain triathlon. Competitors sinking, stumbling and shooting eachother would bring that sport up a few notches in my book, that's for sure.

What are your favourites?

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