This Tall Ships ad is the new and better Halifax and that is indisputable.
For many years, this photo was Halifax. Boring. Sometimes it would be this photo, and for many people, it was this. What defined all of these cities was a severe and unimaginative lack of Photoshop.
All of that is about to change! If you thought you were living in Halifax before, just you wait.
Halifax is now a series of young adult novels set in a nautical fantasy world. The city is a Thomas Kinkade painting.
You may love the Central Library and it might win all sorts of architectural awards, but what you didn’t
Halifax is now an iPhone game “where somebody’s
We have also stolen Sydney’s giant
Halifax is now a Kingdom Hearts level.
The Macdonald Bridge now spans the south end of the city, from Citadel Hill to heaven. The ghost of the MacKay Bridge floats silently above the harbour like the red curtains in Twin Peaks—a ghastly reminder to never visit Dartmouth.
Halifax also has a sea monster now. Deal with it.
Queen’s Marque is not in this Halifax, so don’t bother asking about its floating boardwalk. The Nova Centre has also frigged right off. There’s no room for either of them on what appears to be Halifax Island’s three square kilometres of land.
You know what we do have space for? Giant motherfucking cannons. Two of them, both bigger than the six-storey office building dangerously placed directly below. No one will survive the noon gun, and that’s fine.
This is now Halifax, and from here on out, everything in our lives is about to get better.
(Still no stadium, though.)