The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1

Breaking Dawn isn’t a movie; it’s yet another installment of daytime television on the big screen, utilitarian dialogue and O.C. style soundtrack included. For people who haven’t tuned in to Stephenie Meyer’s book-turned-movie franchise, don’t expect an on-screen plot debrief to lure you in. Bella (Kristen Stewart) and vampire Edward (Robert Pattinson) get hitched---an hour in, and he’s only just popped her cherry. In the latter half, she conceives a vampire-human that grows rapidly, devouring her from within. The rest feels like a pro-life PSA; it’s not an “it”, but a “baby” and it’s her choice to keep it. The series has raked in millions, yet is poorly produced and uses lousy CGI effects. Only truly devoted fans will be able to look beyond its mediocrity to satiate their craving, and even they’ll have to wait for Part 2 to be fully satisfied. –Molly Segal