Talking points to help you survive the holidays

For when things get awkward at the family function

It feels like we’re all in the same boat here. The family gets together for the holidays and immediately chucks all social cues and conventions out of the window. Prodding personal questions? Snide passive-aggressive remarks? Blunt non-sequiturs? Rude comments about your weight/parenting abilities/marital/occupational status? Any discussion whatsoever of the oppressive garbage fire that is today’s political climate? Meanwhile you’re over here trying to eat your stuffing in relative (lol) peace, free from rage-heartburn.

Though it’s hard to take anyone seriously when they’re wearing one of those tissue paper crowns, here are a few talking points to help you in your mission to deflect.

“Boy, it was cold today! I do like snow over the holidays though. Last year it didn’t snow until the middle of January though, did it?” OH NO this is veering into climate change territory! Abort immediately! (PS Do not say the word “abort” at the table.)

“This is amazing. Look at this spread! You’ve outdone yourself. Everything tastes so good.” Feel free to go full What About Bob? dinner scene here.

“That necklace is gorgeous [insert literally anyone’s name here]! Where did you get it? It’s so cute. There’s a place in town that sells necklaces kind of like that, I should pick one up.”

“Have you guys watched that video of the dog trying to eat the picture of the bone painted on his water bowl?” Bonus: Pull out your phone, show the video, kill five minutes, easy.

Alright, fuck it. You’ve lasted this long, you’ve held your tongue, everyone’s as tipsy as they’re going to get, let’s burn imperialist white supremacist capitalist patriarchy to the ground.

Support The Coast

At a time when the city needs local coverage more than ever, we’re asking for your help to support independent journalism. We are committed as always to providing free access to readers, particularly as we confront the impact of COVID-19 in Halifax and beyond.

Read more about the work we do here, or consider making a donation. Thank you for your support!

Comments (1)

Add a comment

Add a Comment


For a couple weeks at this time of year, the blooming cherry trees on Park Avenue make for the ultimate photo backdrop in the city. But what’s the most photogenic location year-round in HRM?

Get more Halifax

The Coast Daily email newsletter is your extra dose of the city Monday through Friday. Sign up and go deep on Halifax.