Step Up All In

In this tin age of endless, lazy sequels we must doff our porkpie hats into our hands, flip them three times down our arm and fling them into the camera for the venerable Step Up series, which this week releases All In, the fifth pop-lock extravaganza that reunites previous Stepers for a big ol' Vegas dance contest. Now All In clearly boasts no actual movie or even television stars of any calibre—3D had Peter Gallagher at least—but neither did the original Step Up, all the way back in 2006. Peep this IMDb synopsis: "Tyler Gage receives the opportunity of a lifetime after vandalizing a performing arts school." You know what that opportunity is? DANCING. You know who Tyler Gage is? CHANNING TATUM. When all you're all out of ideas and all you've got left is a Charleston competition in an old folks' home, Step Up: 23 Skidoo, we'll be there because we will never doubt you, Step Up. Not after you've given the world that ex-stripper lunk-faced dream of an acting machine, adept at both comedy and drama (dance needs filled as applicable). Your intentions are honourable, your footwork is true. To the streeeeeeeeeets! —Tara Thorne