Secrets and replies

Secrets and replies

Am I a bad person for snooping through my girlfriend’s emails to confirm a suspicion? Plus: Do I tell my friend about my crush?
QWhen I first started dating my girlfriend, I asked her about past boyfriends and she said she hadn't met the right guy yet.

Catfishing for advice

I’m engaged in an online emotional affair. My husband doesn’t know I have a boyfriend and vice versa. Now what?
Q I'm a heteroflexible married cis woman in my 40s.

Parts and departures

I’ve developed a trans attraction, how do I handle it respectfully? Plus: I’m newly presenting male, how do I hit the gay bars?
QI'm an adult man, and I have developed a trans attraction after following a particular Tumblr blog.

Quick hits from Savage Love Live in Portland

After Dan's visit to Oregon, he answers some of the questions he couldn’t get to live.
Savage Love Live recently stormed into Revolution Hall in Portland, Oregon.

Race relationships

Is dating people of a specific race, after doing it once later in life, a problematic thing? Plus: Bisexual(ish) problems.
Q I'm a white woman in my early 30s.

Neverland’s impact

My grandfather sexually abused many children, including my mom. Now what? Dan: Watch the searing Leaving Neverland.
QMy grandfather was a pillar of the community and beloved by his family.

The edge of revelations

Do I owe it to a first date to disclose that I practice edging? Plus: I’m trying to be open to bottoming, but I can’t make it work.
QLet's say my kink is edging and I edge myself for a few days leading up to a date.

Outer limits

Dan addresses some of the grey area of being with a partially out—or secretly in— queer person.
Q I'm a gay guy in my late 40s with a straight sister in her early 50s.

Consider the (extra) lobster

Dan was challenged to create a new sexual neologism. Here’s what some readers think it shoud mean.
Two weeks ago, a longtime reader challenged me to create a new sexual neologism.

Hopelessly devotee to you

Finding the line between attraction and objectification. Plus: Looking for a safe partner to indulge my no-sex kink.
Q I am a 56-year-old heterosexual man, and I have lived with ALS for the past six years.


Featuring a challenge that’s perfect for Nova Scotia: Coming up with a definition for the expression “with extra lobster.”
Q Can I still be considered sex-positive if I personally do not have sex?

Omissions and emissions

Why it’s OK to lie to guys who hate condoms. Plus: Urine luck.
Q I'm a 21-year-old woman, and I have an IUD for birth control.

Furry road

When you’re a woman, not a cartoon, and therefore can’t do it all for your man. Plus: The ultimate guide to all things cuckolding.
QI'm an early-30s hetero woman in a monogamous relationship with my mid-30s hetero guy.

One breakup, one brake on

A middle-age love quadrangle teaches us not to get your lover to help buy your wife’s Christmas present. Plus: DTMFA!
Q I'm a thirtysomething straight woman married for 16 years.

Men suck. PLUS: Men still suck.

Q I'm a 40-year-old guy with a 30-year-old girlfriend.

Lost kinkster

Advice from Alexander Cheves on how to re-kindle your kink community in the post-Tumblr-pocalypse.
Q I'm a 19-year-old bisexual woman really into orgasm denial and edging.

Archive Spotlight »
Savage Love

No need for sex


No need for sex

posted by DAN SAVAGE, May 28/15

I haven’t had sex in nine years and I don’t care. Am I asexual? Plus: Does my boyfriend’s love of thongs mean he’s gay? comments      0

In Print This Week

Vol 26, No 47
April 18, 2019

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