It’s not your kink, it’s you

It’s not your kink, it’s you

Tips for an overbearing Dominant lady. Plus: Don’t send brags in the form of a question, this isn’t Sex Jeopardy.
Q I'm a woman in my late 40s.

Secret perving

Wearing your ethics on your sleeve in the world of kink Plus: Girlfriend’s got a ’gram issue
Q I've been enjoying consensual nonmonogamy for the past two years, in part thanks to your column and podcast.

Après pill, the storm

When ditching the pill has you pining for pleasure. Plus: We’re all the same in our wedding present plight.
Q I'm a 27-year-old woman living on the east coast.

Reconcilable differences

How to fix a “straighty” partner, mental-health issues dragging a relationship down and stank-ass dick.
Q I'm gay and have been dating a guy for 10 months.


Should I kick my partner in the nuts? Plus: Sage advice from Mary Poppins
Q I’ve been faithfully reading your column in the Chicago Reader for years, and now I’m reaching out to you about my own problem.


Navigating kinks, sexuality and a 30-year age difference
Q I’m a 20-year-old submissive woman.


Savage navigates between the lines of bisexuality
Q Longtime Savage Love fanboy with a bit of a conundrum—and it’s your fault!

It Got Better

Couples that weren’t doomed while doin’ it after saying ‘I do.’
Q In a recent column, you said you never hear from married couples whose sex life got better and more frequent over the years.

Both & Baggage

When your married sex-life stalls, what’s the harm in cheating-adjacent action?
Q When I started dating my husband, he told me he had a low libido.

Blow us all away

A straight man worries he’s taken advantage of his gay friend in their BJ arrangment. Plus: Is oral reciprocation always necessary?
Q I am a 24-year-old straight guy who recently broke up with my girlfriend of more than four years.

Retroactive blessings

Dan tells a snooping hubby to get over his wife’s flirtationship. Plus: The life and times of being the subject of a drunk booty call.
Q Without snooping, I came across texts between my wife “Mary” and a guy “Jeremy” of a very sexual nature.

Diaper drama

When your husband’s full-on diaper fetish is weighing you down Plus: Is there such thing as too close to the edge?
Q I’ve been married to my husband for two years.

Whatever works

When your gold-star gay boyfriend might be a silver star, at best. Plus: The difference between polyamory and non-monogamy.
Q I am a 38-year-old gay man with a serious problem.

Feeling pissy

The host of a pee party rains on the parade. Plus: A “bad lesbian” wonders if casually hooking up with men affects her identity.
Q I like water sports, and I heard about a guy in a rural area who holds piss parties in his backyard.

Quick hits

Savage answers leftover questions from his recent visit to Denver, Colorado for Savage Love Live
Q I enjoyed a great sex life with many kinky adventures until my husband died suddenly two years ago.

Pedestrian as fuck

TFW your penis is bent at a right angle. Plus: Some advice on foreplay for a penis-haver on SSRIs who has trouble finishing.
Q First let me say that I think you give excellent advice, even if it is a bit pedestrian at times.

A few quickies

When nobody makes the “first move,” sex doesn’t happen. Plus: Is it fair to ask my partner to stop manscaping if it turns me off?
Q I wish I had a better question, but this is all I have: My friends and I were discussing the nuances of a straight orgy (a roughly equal number of male and female participants) versus a gang bang (one woman, many men), and we observed that there is no proper name for a one man, many women situation.

Seriously shitty husbands

A serial cheater wants the best exit strategy possible exit strategy from his marriage. Plus: Can a half-open relationship work?
Q I’m a straight male in my 30s.

The land down under

Can fisting or anal sex actually cause constipation? Plus: Why is my GF resistant to oral sex if she (seems to) enjoy it?
Q Background: I, a 21-year-old male, enjoy receptive fisting.

Call for submissions

Getting past sexual trauma. Plus: How do I confront my partner about cheating when I only found out because I was snooping?
Q I’m a 36-year-old straight woman.

Quick Hits

Savage responds to the questions he didn’t get to answer during his recent visit to Royal Oak, Michigan for Savage Love Live.
Q Is there a way of breaking my cycle of being totally sexual and into someone for the first six months and then shutting down to the point that I don’t want to be sexual with them at all?

Archive Spotlight »
Savage Love

No need for sex


No need for sex

posted by DAN SAVAGE, May 28/15

I haven’t had sex in nine years and I don’t care. Am I asexual? Plus: Does my boyfriend’s love of thongs mean he’s gay? comments      0

In Print This Week

Vol 26, No 12
August 16, 2018

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