Finding ways to end things gracefully (or not).
QMy boyfriend and I were friends for a couple of years (we're both 30-year-old gay men), then I stopped travelling around the world and pursued him.

Add it up

One app or two? One boyfriend or two? And three-, four-, ten- or hundredsomes?
QI’ve always been excited by BDSM, but I’ve only minimally explored this side of myself until very recently.

There’s something about threesomes. And foursomes.

Is it a heteronormative plot, or just logistics?
QWhy are threesomes much more accepted in the popular imagination than foursomes?

This senior’s sex drive is just like old times

Holy pretzel! What in tarnation is happening?
QI’m a nearly-80 straight male, with undiminished libido.

Dealing with an extremely jealous personality

Some people can be open with their partners about their pasts, but it’s not compulsory.
QI’ve been in a relationship with a wonderful guy for the past year.

Don’t give up

I’ve heard from countless people over the years who found something close to what they were looking for in their fifties, sixties and even seventies.
QBorrowing Gen Z's love for labelling everything, I'm a 46-year-old homoromantic asexual Canadian faggot.

Shocking discovery from beyond the grave

A reader needs help understanding—and forgiving.
QMy husband recently passed away.

Trouble in the quad? Roger that.

What to do when you want to be more than “friends who have sex sometimes.”
QI'm a thirtysomething gay man married to a thirtysomething gay man. For almost two years, we've been seeing another pair of married gay men around our age.

How to handle missed connections

What to do when things go wrong with a friend, with an escort and with a Trump-loving mom.
QMarried guy here.

Taking it fast

When a new relationship goes from dating to meet-my-kid way too quickly.
QI'm a straight man who’s been dating a woman for not quite four months.

Why is choking even a thing?

Porn is probably to blame, but no choke: Strangulation during sex is dangerous.
QI'm a 29-year-old straight woman in Pennsylvania. My question is to do with choking and consent.

When divorce isn’t an option, try another d-word

You don’t need permission from anybody to think about sexual fantasy figures.
QI’ve been married for 30 years to the same man. I have dealt with his tantrums, his screaming and his fits.

It can be a tall order to reach a fantasy

But sometimes impossible fantasies are a way to avoid scary sex.
QI'm a cis male in my late twenties.

Safety for size queens, '70s porn recommendations and more quickies

Ask a simple question about diaper play, get a simple answer.
QI'm a 35-year-old woman.

Married people problems

From cheating to borrowing used underwear to questioning the whole stressful institution.
QI’m a 38-year-old bi woman who has been sleeping with a married male coworker for the last eight months.

Stating the obvious

Are you sure your awesome new lover’s kink is too strange?
QI'm a gay guy who’s involved with a guy I met a few months before COVID-19 took off. He's a great guy, smart, funny, hot, healthy and easy to be around. It started as a hookup but we have chemistry on several levels and, without either of us having to say it, we started seeing each other regularly. We both live alone and decided to be exclusive due to the pandemic.

Why cheating doesn’t have to ruin a committed relationship

The culture encourages us to see infidelity as an unforgivable betrayal, which is ridiculous when you consider how common it is.
QIs it terrible to believe you can still have a truly monogamous and loving relationship with one partner after 20 years?

Unplugging for your partner

However much you love your butt plugs and dildos, hopefully you love your wife more.
QMy wife asked me to write to you about our situation.

How to get started as a couple of cucking dykes

It’s entirely possible for you and your partner to enjoy lesbian cuckolding fantasies while keeping your relationship monogamous on both sides.
QI’m a lesbian in a long-term relationship. After much conversation with my partner we’ve decided to explore cuckolding role-play together.

The missing link about kinks

A theory about why so many gay men want to be tied up and abused.
QI have a question.

I don’t care about all those sexts blowing up my partner’s phone, but…

Even though I trust the attraction isn’t mutual, I still feel threatened. Help!
QI’m committed to my male partner and he’s committed to me.

Straight guys doing gay things

Featuring oral reports and a fantastically elaborate signoff from a dreamer.
QI’m a 32-year-old straight guy.

Bonus quickies from the Lovestream

When a mom friends an ex, sharing toys safely, pegging for beginners + + +.
Hey, Everybody: We had our first Savage Love Livestream event last Thursday night and I had such a blast! A huge crowd of Savage Love readers and Savage Lovecast listeners got together on Zoom for a live online Q&A that raised more than $14,000 for Northwest Harvest, an organization that supports food banks in my home state.


When face-to-face sex is too intimidating, try a blindfold. (Hint: It’s useful and kinky.)
QHere goes: I’m a 32-year-old gay male and I have trouble staying out of my head during sex. I feel like there may be many issues. The one non-issue is everything works fine on my own. When I’m single or “available,” I am OK. Let’s be honest: I'm a slut and I enjoy it. 

Can people be bad at sex?

Where objectivity meets subjectivity, plus lots more quickie questions.
QI don't want to become one of those people who write to you complaining about how I married someone I wasn't sexually compatible with 10 years ago and now my sex life still sucks.

Power players

Getting turned on by Nazis, and worried about the kinksters next door.
QHere's a non-COVID question for you: I’m a queer white female in a monogamish marriage.

In Print This Week

Vol 28, No 3
November 12, 2020

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