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Savage Love

Dick monsters

You don’t have to be kind to aggressive randos just because they brought booze. Plus: Reaching the limit with intolerant parents.

Q I'm a queer girl living with a male partner.

By Dan Savage Apr 20, 2017

Quick hits

Savage answers leftover questions from his recent visit to Denver, Colorado for Savage Love Live

Q I enjoyed a great sex life with many kinky adventures until my husband died suddenly two years ago.

By Dan Savage May 17, 2018

Pedestrian as fuck

TFW your penis is bent at a right angle. Plus: Some advice on foreplay for a penis-haver on SSRIs who has trouble finishing.

Q First let me say that I think you give excellent advice, even if it is a bit pedestrian at times.

May 10, 2018

A few quickies

When nobody makes the “first move,” sex doesn’t happen. Plus: Is it fair to ask my partner to stop manscaping if it turns me off?

Q I wish I had a better question, but this is all I have: My friends and I were discussing the nuances of a straight orgy (a roughly equal number of male and female participants) versus a gang bang (one woman, many men), and we observed that there is no proper name for a one man, many women situation.

By Dan Savage May 3, 2018

Seriously shitty husbands

A serial cheater wants the best exit strategy possible exit strategy from his marriage. Plus: Can a half-open relationship work?

Q I’m a straight male in my 30s.

By Dan Savage Apr 26, 2018

The land down under

Can fisting or anal sex actually cause constipation? Plus: Why is my GF resistant to oral sex if she (seems to) enjoy it?

Q Background: I, a 21-year-old male, enjoy receptive fisting.

By Dan Savage Apr 19, 2018

Call for submissions

Getting past sexual trauma. Plus: How do I confront my partner about cheating when I only found out because I was snooping?

Q I’m a 36-year-old straight woman.

By Dan Savage Apr 12, 2018

Quick Hits

Savage responds to the questions he didn’t get to answer during his recent visit to Royal Oak, Michigan for Savage Love Live.

Q Is there a way of breaking my cycle of being totally sexual and into someone for the first six months and then shutting down to the point that I don’t want to be sexual with them at all?

By Dan Savage Apr 5, 2018

Cock it, locked it and block it

The conundrum of the cock piercing and the chastity belt. Plus: I like my GF, but I don’t want her to live with me yet.

Q I’m in a D/s relationship.

By Dan Savage Mar 29, 2018

Ace and the hole

Is my friend ace even though she actively seeks out sex? Online: How to turn someone down when you’re married.

Q I’m a 26-year-old cis queer woman.

By Dan Savage Mar 22, 2018

What is love?

My boyfriend says he can’t feel, are we doomed? Plus: My partner suggested a threesome, I balked, and now he won’t shut up.

Q I'm a 33-year-old woman from Melbourne, Australia, dating a 24-year-old man. We've been dating for about eight months; it is exclusive and official.

By Dan Savage Mar 15, 2018

Porn preferences

We all have different porn preferences and that’s OK. Plus: Dan “dansplains” what it means to objectify another person.

Q I'm an 18-year-old cis hetero girl from Australia and I've been listening to your podcast and reading your column since I was 13.

By Dan Savage Mar 8, 2018

A handful of quickies

We don’t want to kink-shame, but some things are weirder than others. Plus: How close is too close for man’s best friend?

Q I recently stumbled on an Instagram account of a young woman who’s a “knife play” enthusiast.

By Dan Savage Mar 1, 2018

The art of getting bi

Is my fear of my BF leaving me just a symptom of internalized biphobia? Plus: How to deal with his possible hormonal disorder.

Q I'm an 18-year-old female. I'm cisgender and bisexual.

Feb 22, 2018

Them’s fighting words

A poly relationship becomes troubled when two girlfriends disike each other. Plus: When to deal with an abuser in the family.

Q I’m a 24-year-old nonbinary person living in Florida.

By Dan Savage Feb 15, 2018

Showing up’s the first step

A couple of these questions lead Dan to believe the correspondents are not trying hard enough. Plus: LRT or FWB?

Q How does one get into the gay BDSM bottoming and leather scene?

Feb 8, 2018

Breaking the lesbian code

There are a lot of signals flying around this week, but women aren’t sure how to read them. Plus: My partner’s friend is an ass.

Q I am a 38-year-old lesbian, very femme, very out.

By Dan Savage Feb 1, 2018

Mother dear, friend queer

Why you shouldn’t reveal an incestuous relationship to your partner during “truth or dare.” Plus: Repressed homosexuality?

Q My father left my mother abruptly when I was 14 years old, and he hasn’t contacted either of us since.

By Dan Savage Jan 25, 2018

Bloody business deals

Blood in semen doesn’t mean your partner is a member of the legion of the undead. Plus: An older dude who is still “hot to trot.”

Q I’m a professional dominatrix, and I thought I’d seen everything in the last five years.

By Dan Savage Jan 18, 2018

Daddies, worms and dirt

A man gets introduced to the “daddy phenomenon” via dating apps. Plus: TFW a coworker wants you to bang his wife.

Q I’m a 67-year-old gay man. After a breakup 15 years ago, I believed the possibility of emotional and sexual intimacy with a partner was over for me. Then a couple of months ago, my desire for sexual contact increased dramatically. For the first time, I began using apps, and I felt like the proverbial kid in a candy store; it seemed strangely similar to when I first came out in San Francisco’s Castro neighbourhood in the early 1970s.

By Dan Savage Jan 11, 2018