Shocking discovery from beyond the grave

Shocking discovery from beyond the grave

A reader needs help understanding—and forgiving.
QMy husband recently passed away.

Trouble in the quad? Roger that.

What to do when you want to be more than “friends who have sex sometimes.”
QI'm a thirtysomething gay man married to a thirtysomething gay man. For almost two years, we've been seeing another pair of married gay men around our age.

How to handle missed connections

What to do when things go wrong with a friend, with an escort and with a Trump-loving mom.
QMarried guy here.

Taking it fast

When a new relationship goes from dating to meet-my-kid way too quickly.
QI'm a straight man who’s been dating a woman for not quite four months.

Why is choking even a thing?

Porn is probably to blame, but no choke: Strangulation during sex is dangerous.
QI'm a 29-year-old straight woman in Pennsylvania. My question is to do with choking and consent.

When divorce isn’t an option, try another d-word

You don’t need permission from anybody to think about sexual fantasy figures.
QI’ve been married for 30 years to the same man. I have dealt with his tantrums, his screaming and his fits.

It can be a tall order to reach a fantasy

But sometimes impossible fantasies are a way to avoid scary sex.
QI'm a cis male in my late twenties.

Safety for size queens, '70s porn recommendations and more quickies

Ask a simple question about diaper play, get a simple answer.
QI'm a 35-year-old woman.

Married people problems

From cheating to borrowing used underwear to questioning the whole stressful institution.
QI’m a 38-year-old bi woman who has been sleeping with a married male coworker for the last eight months.

Stating the obvious

Are you sure your awesome new lover’s kink is too strange?
QI'm a gay guy who’s involved with a guy I met a few months before COVID-19 took off. He's a great guy, smart, funny, hot, healthy and easy to be around. It started as a hookup but we have chemistry on several levels and, without either of us having to say it, we started seeing each other regularly. We both live alone and decided to be exclusive due to the pandemic.

Why cheating doesn’t have to ruin a committed relationship

The culture encourages us to see infidelity as an unforgivable betrayal, which is ridiculous when you consider how common it is.
QIs it terrible to believe you can still have a truly monogamous and loving relationship with one partner after 20 years?

Unplugging for your partner

However much you love your butt plugs and dildos, hopefully you love your wife more.
QMy wife asked me to write to you about our situation.

How to get started as a couple of cucking dykes

It’s entirely possible for you and your partner to enjoy lesbian cuckolding fantasies while keeping your relationship monogamous on both sides.
QI’m a lesbian in a long-term relationship. After much conversation with my partner we’ve decided to explore cuckolding role-play together.

The missing link about kinks

A theory about why so many gay men want to be tied up and abused.
QI have a question.

I don’t care about all those sexts blowing up my partner’s phone, but…

Even though I trust the attraction isn’t mutual, I still feel threatened. Help!
QI’m committed to my male partner and he’s committed to me.

Straight guys doing gay things

Featuring oral reports and a fantastically elaborate signoff from a dreamer.
QI’m a 32-year-old straight guy.

Bonus quickies from the Lovestream

When a mom friends an ex, sharing toys safely, pegging for beginners + + +.
Hey, Everybody: We had our first Savage Love Livestream event last Thursday night and I had such a blast! A huge crowd of Savage Love readers and Savage Lovecast listeners got together on Zoom for a live online Q&A that raised more than $14,000 for Northwest Harvest, an organization that supports food banks in my home state.


When face-to-face sex is too intimidating, try a blindfold. (Hint: It’s useful and kinky.)
QHere goes: I’m a 32-year-old gay male and I have trouble staying out of my head during sex. I feel like there may be many issues. The one non-issue is everything works fine on my own. When I’m single or “available,” I am OK. Let’s be honest: I'm a slut and I enjoy it. 

Can people be bad at sex?

Where objectivity meets subjectivity, plus lots more quickie questions.
QI don't want to become one of those people who write to you complaining about how I married someone I wasn't sexually compatible with 10 years ago and now my sex life still sucks.

Power players

Getting turned on by Nazis, and worried about the kinksters next door.
QHere's a non-COVID question for you: I’m a queer white female in a monogamish marriage.

Is it a problem if my horrible boyfriend leaves?

Plus: Do I have to tell him he’s got herpes?
QIt's taken a lot to do this, but here goes.

One marriage, two sex drives

What to do when half of a couple wants something the other half isn’t into.
QI’ve been with the same amazing man a dozen years.

How much libido is too much libido?

"A lot of people will say they wish they had this problem, but it’s interfering with my daily activities because I can’t focus on anything else."
QI'm a 31-year-old female.

Stop with the secrets already

Except for one that’s important to your wife’s self esteem.
Q I was raised in a religious home and didn’t lose my virginity until the embarrassing age of 26.

The trouble with swallowing and more quickie answers to sex questions

Does this column have cheating? Check. Feeling constrained by monogamy? Check. Absolutely no mention of world health problems? Checkity check.
QI am a super-queer-presenting female who recently accepted that I have desires for men. My partner of two years is bisexual and understands the desires, but has personally dealt with those desires via masturbation while my desires include acting. Her perspective is that the grass is greener where you water it and that my desire to act is immature, selfish and has an unrealistic end game. What gives when you don't feel fulfilled sexually in a monogamous relationship? —Open Or Over?

The no-pandemic challenge

By popular demand, this week’s "Savage Love" is (almost) COVID-19-free.
QYour last two columns and your last two podcasts were all about the

In Print This Week

Vol 28, No 2
October 15, 2020

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