On one hand, Rock of Ages presents painfully lifeless covers of Journey. On the other hand, Tom Cruise sings into a woman's butt. Little more than a feature-length Glee, this hair metal musical finds a small town girl, who was living in a lonely world, moving to LA to become a singer. Naturally, she falls in love with the bartender/aspiring rocker, and the two shout their feelings at each other via Foreigner songs. Director Adam Shankman at least honours the tenets of '80s hair metal by making a supremely shallow, superficial picture. Cruise, meanwhile, surely isn't making any statement at all by playing a hetero-sex god and troubled rock icon. At its worst, Rock of Ages is stupid enough to laugh at. It just sadly doesn't sink down to those levels often enough.