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Quickie thinking 

From "don’t touch me" vibes to sex work as a second job, the Qs and As are coming fast.

This week on the Lovecast, Dan enlists straight-boy help from Michael Ian Black.
  • This week on the Lovecast, Dan enlists straight-boy help from Michael Ian Black.

Q My little dick has always held me back. I didn't date in high school because I couldn't stand the thought of girls discussing my tiny manhood. That said, I've adapted fairly well and become skilled with my tongue and hands. The biggest problem is that my dick is just small enough that the head pokes straight forward and can be seen through my pants. I never tuck in a shirt because of it. Because I am always in oversize shirts that hang past my waist, I never look professional. I've tried stuffing with socks and it didn't work. Do you know of anything that can mask a pathetic johnson? I'd love to move up in the world. —Physically Embarrassing Nub Isn't Sufficient.

A Have you considered packing? Trans men, drag kings, butch dykes and even straight cis women experimenting with gender expression will sometimes pack—that is, wear "packing dildos" that create the appearance of a masculine bulge. Packers are modelled on soft cocks, not hard cocks, and they come in a range of sizes and colours. And so long as you don't engage in false advertising, PENIS—so long as you make it clear to new partners that the bulge in your pants is not a prologue—there's no reason why you couldn't pack, just as there's no reason why you and other guys with small dicks can't strap on a regular dildo when your partner wants a deep dicking.


Q I'm a mid-20s straight woman, and there's a pattern in my life that I'm trying to break: Since high school, I've repeatedly ended up being friends with wonderful men who I shared an obvious sexual tension with at the start of our "friendships." (Our mutual friends often noted the sexual tension). Not a single one has ever turned into more than a one-off drunken kiss. I'm starting to think I'm the problem. An ex of mine told me that I give off "don't touch me" vibes. Looking back, I can see that all my relationships started in settings where romantic interest was implied—apps, blind dates, et cetera. I've been spending a lot of time with a classmate of mine. We get along well, and he's hot and single. How do I (for lack of a better term) seduce him? —Dreading The Friend Zone

A Don't seduce, ask. Don't put the moves on someone, use your words—or think of your words as your move, DTFZ. Since you give off "don't touch me" vibes (that's some valuable feedback from an ex!), and since we've asked men to do a better job of perceiving and respecting a woman's "don't touch me" vibes, you will have to make your interest clear and unambiguous: "Hey, classmate, we've been spending a lot of time together, and I was wondering if you might be interested in going on a date sometime."


Q I have had a very sexy bodybuilder friend with benefits for many, many years. He's dominant and into really intense bondage and S&M, and it's fantastic. The harder he goes on me, the more aroused he gets. Sometimes he comes three times in one session, always with me in super-intense and painful bondage positions. It turns him on so much—and it turns me on, too. The thing is, he hates my dick. We have so much fun during our sessions, but he won't touch my dick and won't let me touch it, either. —Bodybuilder Is Neglecting Dick

A Ignoring your dick, not letting you come and then seeing you crawl back for more abuse is most likely part of the power trip that turns your sexy friend on, BIND, and he's unlikely to start lavishing attention on your dick on my orders. And since it sounds like he gives you plenty of hot JO material for after your bondage sessions, it's not like there isn't something in it for you, right?


Q I am a public school teacher. I love teaching, and I want to teach for the rest of my career. I am very good at it, but unfortunately that doesn't affect my pay in the slightest. After 10 years of poverty, I'm getting tired of going without. I thought perhaps I could do some sex work on the side to help pay off my student loans and get some more money for classroom supplies. Thanks to de facto segregation, all of my students are one specific ethnicity and very poor, so I think I could easily avoid accidentally servicing a parent or relative of a student. But how on earth does someone safely and discreetly embark on sex work as a side hustle? —Need a Second Job That Actually Pays

A Someone you work with, someone you went to school with, someone you used to date, someone who lives in your apartment building—it's not just parents and relatives of your students you need to worry about, NASJTAP. Vindictive exes and small-minded, sex-negative busybodies of all stripes can be a problem for sex workers. And since the consequences of being outed as a sex worker are always swift and severe for someone who works with children, you'll want to find another side hustle.


Q I'm a 21-year-old woman. Yesterday I talked to a 26-year-old guy who won't do cunnilingus but loves to get blowjobs. My friends judged him harshly. Does this go against the rule that people should be able to do what makes them feel good in bed without being judged? Guys who refuse to give oral sex but want to receive it, make us feel as if our pleasure is not as important as theirs. Please tell me what you think. —Desperate Clitoris

AI think there are enough women out there who don't like having their pussies eaten—some struggle with insecurity and shame, others simply don't enjoy the sensation—that there's no reason for this guy to inflict himself on women who do like having their pussies eaten. And if making your partner feel good doesn't make you feel good—if giving pleasure as well as receiving pleasure doesn't make you feel good—then you're a lousy fucking lay. I agree: People should be able to do what makes them feel good in bed without being judged. But if what you're doing in bed—or refusing to do—makes other people feel bad about themselves, then you should be judged harshly.

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