Playing for Keeps

Women continue to enjoy the presence of Gerard Butler, which is just one of dozens of baffling, uninteresting aspects to the pathetically titled Playing for Keeps. Butler stars as that failed sports star in every town that was once bound for glory before reality crashed his life into an endless wasteland of banging housewives. Luckily for Butler, using his experience as a soccer star with poor financial management in order to coach his estranged son's school team to a winning season turns out to be just the kind of rugged act of warmth that gives Catherine Zeta-Jones, Uma Thurman, Judy Greer and Jessica Biel vaginal boners. Surrounding himself by several esteemed, gorgeous actresses all hot for his junk and partaking in a role requiring next to nothing in dramatic acting means Playing for Keeps is less a film than a Gerard Butler fantasy camp. —Jacob Boon