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One kind day 

With tips on dates, thank-yous and siblings Kelly Regan and Angela Duggan remind us while the big day’s all about you, it’s important to stay thoughtful.

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I only want one of my three sisters in my wedding party. Do I have none of them stand with me, or choose the one and do damage control?

You should not feel pressured to ask anyone you're not close with to be in your bridal party. The main thing to keep in mind when choosing your wedding party is your relationships ––prioritizing what's most important to you is the key. If your sisters are assuming they'll be asked and they are not, they may be insulted and you will need to consider the effect this might have on your family. Perhaps you could consider making your wedding party larger to keep the peace. If you choose not to have your sisters as part of your bridal party you could consider offering them some other role in the wedding, they could be the master of ceremonies, do a reading or partake in a candle-lighting ceremony. If you only want one sister to stand for you then that is your right–after all it is your wedding. Just be sure to be honest and courteous of all of your family members' feelings. Go with your heart.

I'm having a really small wedding and am wondering how to politely pick a plus-one. Is it possible to do this without completely offending my single friends?

When it comes to "plus ones" the general rule is that couples who are married, engaged or living together should be invited together. In these cases extending an invitation to partners is a sign of respect for your guests' relationships. Even if you haven't met your guest's significant other you should take the time to learn their name and the wedding invitation should be sent out specifically addressed to both of them. Beyond that, there are no clear-cut rules on who you should feel obligated to invite. In your case, the key to not upsetting your single guests is consistency. Some couples choose to offer a plus one to their attendants only, while some may decide to include dates for anyone in a relationship. Others draw the line at just couples who have been together for a year or more and some couples give a plus one to all singles over the age of eighteen. You should apply an "all or none" philosophy and come up with clear parameters to keep things fair across the board.

When it comes to thank you notes, how do I do it properly and how late is too late to send them?

Proper ettiquette dictates that couples should write and send their thank you notes within three months of the wedding. Everyone who was thoughtful enough to attend the wedding or send congratulations if they could not be in attendance deserves a thank you card. There are several elements to writing proper thank you cards. They should be handwritten by the couple and be as personal as possible. If a gift was given, the note should mention the gift received as well as how you plan to use it, for gifts of money, do not state the amount, but do mention that is was a monetary gift as well as how you plan to spend it.  If you have already exceeded the three month limit, send them now. In this case the "better late than never" rule applies.

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Vol 26, No 3
June 14, 2018

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