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Raise your hand if you have a family doctor. Oh, sorry, did that hurt? Well, we can’t go to the emergency room since it’s closed for some reason. But first thing in the morning we’ll head down to the Scotiabank-Clearwater Hospital to get it checked out. I know, I know, you don’t want to run the risk of getting bed bugs and last time you went the rats chewed through your catheter, but honestly, would you rather sit here in pain until death? Oh, you would? Well too bad because our landlord is turning this into an AirBnB. Don’t worry, though. We’ll save on rent money by living on a gurney in a hospital hallway for the next six months awaiting surgery. Wait...why are you moving to Ontario?

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